Chapter 18
EIGHTEEN
SARAH
APRIL
Sarah rolled over the following morning, still in the haze of sleep. Reaching a hand out in search of Beth, finding nothing but cold sheets next to her. She took a moment for herself, rubbing her eyes, replaying the events of the previous night in her mind.
Bright light filtering through sheer curtains was enough to make her squint as she adjusted to her surroundings. Sarah reached for her phone on the bedside table, where two texts were waiting for her.
Nell 8:07 AM
Wren agreed. Court this afternoon. Call when you can. —N
Beth 8:34 AM
Running out to grab coffee for us. You looked too cute this morning to wake up. Be back soon
Sarah fired off a quick response to Beth before tapping Nell’s name, bringing the phone to her ear as she sank back into the comfort of the down-filled pillows.
“Sleep well, darling?” Nell’s voice filled her ear, the velvety coolness oddly reassuring.
“Wren said yes,” Sarah stated, not bothering with a greeting—that had never been her and Nell’s style.
“She did. Nate and I laid out her options over breakfast this morning,” Nell said, but there was a moment of hesitation so small that anyone else would have missed it, but not Sarah. No, she knew her too well at this point.
“What aren’t you saying?”
“Always with your questions.” Nell’s voice was soft in the way she only ever let it be with those she felt the safest with. “She’s been asking to talk to you since we left the precinct last night.”
Sarah had expected that, but that still didn’t stop the way her breathing stuttered. “How so?”
“How so?” Nell echoed, confusion accompanying her words.
“In an I’m scared kind of way? An I’m sorry kind of way? An I’m groveling kind of way?”
Nell took a moment to consider her questions before responding with a simple, “All of the above.” Her voice dipped into that quiet softness again. “She needs to talk to someone who loves her right now, Sarah.”
God damn Nell and her ability to see every moment so clearly. Sarah nodded, feeling the heat rise in her cheeks along with a tight pulling sensation in her chest as she shifted, sitting up in bed. “Can you put her on?”
There was a rustling on Nell’s end of the phone as she moved through the downtown penthouse suite in search of Wren. “Renee called me again,” Nell said offhandedly. “You can’t keep putting her off forever.”
“Not now, Nell,” Sarah snapped. She could only handle so much in a twenty-four-hour time span.
“If not now, then when?” Nell sing-songed, followed by more shifting and her muffled voice saying, “Wren, Sarah’s on the phone.”
Wren’s voice was suddenly in her ear. “Sarah, um—hey. Thank you, you know—for, uh—wanting to talk to me.”
Wren was nervous. Sarah could hear it in her words. That pull tugged a little harder at her chest.
Wren’s voice cracked as her words tumbled out.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean for any of this to happen, and I’m sorry I put Lily in that position.
I’m so mad at myself for not being able to just be normal.
” She was half crying, half ranting as the words kept coming in one long jumbled string, only making Sarah’s heart break even more.
“God, it was one dumb night. I was having such a good day. I know better than this. I’m not as stupid as everyone—”
Sarah cut her off gently. “Wren, sweetie, slow down. Take a deep breath.” She paused while Wren hiccupped her way through a breath and then another.
“I’m sorry this is happening,” she said, meaning every word.
“And I’m sorry that you didn’t feel like you could come talk to me, or to anyone, before we got here. ”
“I didn’t need to talk—it’s not that—I didn’t. “ Wren fumbled her way around the excuses she was reaching for.
“Wren. We’ve never lied to each other. Please let’s not start now,” Sarah said neutrally. She leaned on her maternal instinct, telling her that what Wren needed most right now was something a little tougher to help her accept.
“I don’t understand why rehab is my only option,” Wren finally said. “That feels, like, really intense. I was being a dumb kid. I was just having fun. I know so many people who have done so much worse.”
Sarah took a deep breath. She had prepared herself for this question the same way she had prepared her answer the night before when Beth had asked the same one.
“You aren’t just any kid making bad decisions.
Like it or not, you are a public figure, and that means your life exists under an elevated lens of scrutiny that isn’t always fair.
You’re an adult now, and there are real consequences to the decisions you make.
Last night you made a bad decision, and I’m going to go out on a limb and say you’ve had nights like that before, too. ”
There was a silence on the phone before Wren answered, her voice quietly resigned. “I don’t have a drinking problem.”
“No one is saying you do, but you did get arrested for disorderly conduct last night. That’s not something you can just turn your cheek to and pretend like it didn’t happen.
” Sarah’s voice was stern. She needed Wren to understand the moment she was stepping into.
“Which is why I was glad to hear you agreed to rehab.”
More quiet.
“Like I really had a choice?” Wren mumbled.
“You always have a choice, Wren. Not always around the options—but still a choice nonetheless. Clearly, you understood that enough to make the right choice.”
“I mean, yeah, I don’t want to lose my career.
I’m not dumb. Soccer is the number one thing in my life that makes me want to wake up every day.
I don’t even know who I am without it. And then obviously Lily.
I know she’s mad at me. She hasn’t answered any of my text messages.
Do you think she’ll ever talk to me again? ”
“I can’t speak for Lily here, Wren. She’s upset, and that’s something the two of you need to figure out together. Did Nell and Nate explain to you what’s going to happen today?”
“Yeah. Uh, court is at one. Nell said my lawyer will be here soon to talk to me, and then, as soon as court is over, I’m getting on that plane to New York.
Nate said the place is really nice. I think he went there.
Tomorrow I’ll get all checked in and stay there for a month, I guess.
I think I can have visitors after the first two weeks.
Or something like that. Nate gave me a booklet that has all the details. ”
Sarah listened as Wren spoke to her, but was momentarily distracted by the bedroom door opening, revealing Beth holding two cups.
Sarah smiled, mouthing Wren’s name to Beth, who nodded, placing Sarah’s drink on the bedside table beside her before turning to leave the room, but Sarah reached out, grabbing her hand, tugging her back towards the bed.
She wanted Beth here with her.
“Sarah?” Wren’s voice was hopeful as Sarah rewound her brain to fill in the gaps of the part of the conversation she had missed when Beth had entered the room. “Do you think you’ll be able to come to court with me?”
She took another deep breath in. “No, sweetie, I won’t be able to come today. I need to take care of Lily.”
Wren’s hurt was audible even as she tried to play it off. “Oh—I—yeah, I guess that makes sense.”
“Nell and Nate will be there, and I would trust both of them with my life, which is why I wanted them there for you through all of this. We’re your family, Wren.
We love you. You deserve to have people in your corner, even when you mess up or need help.
” Sarah looked up, her eyes connecting with Beth’s impossibly blue ones as she continued. “Nothing you do is unredeemable.”
“Do you mean that?” Wren asked timidly. “Because right now it kind of feels like everyone is mad at me.”
“Some of us are, but at the core of that feeling is concern. I’m worried about you.
Beth is worried about you. And Lily is worried about you.
You will make mistakes in life, Wren. God, I’ve made my fair share of them, and will probably make more.
But the thing that no one tells you until it’s too late is how important it is to learn to grow from those mistakes.
Find the lesson that all of this is trying to teach you and grow. ”
Wren sniffled on the other end of the line, but she didn’t say anything.
“I believe in you, Wren. Do you believe in yourself?”
Another quiet moment passed before Wren’s defeated voice said, “I don’t know.”
Sarah’s heart cracked wide open at that moment—at Wren’s admission. “It’s time to start. You hear me? Start believing in yourself because you are Wren fucking Parker, and there is only one of you in this family.”
“Okay.” Wren sniffed again, her voice strengthening. “Okay.”
There was some more rustling on the other end of the line before Nell’s voice was back in her ear, velvety and smooth. “I’ll update you this afternoon.”
“Take care of her, Nell, please. Just make sure she’s doing okay.”
“Nate and I are on it. He really shines in moments like these.”
“So do you, Nell.”
The call ended silently, without a goodbye, exactly like always. Sarah closed her eyes briefly as Beth’s hand found her thigh, patting her leg gently.
“Wren agreed,” she whispered, the relief of knowing she had been able to fix something coursing through her. “She’s going to rehab.”
Beth leaned forward, reaching around Sarah to place her coffee beside hers on the nightstand, and when she leaned back, Sarah folded herself into Beth’s arms. She nestled herself into the crook of her neck, breathing in the scent of lavender that lingered on her skin.
For the last three decades, that scent had burned itself into her memory. She took another deep breath, and then another as Beth’s hand stroked her cheek.
“See, everything is okay. You took care of it.” Beth whispered her reassurance against Sarah’s temple, lips soft on her skin as Sarah sank deeper into her embrace.