Chapter 20 #3
You asked me once what color I would pick to represent you, and I gave you that bullshit answer about art not really being my thing.
But if I had to pick now, I’d tell you my answer is yellow—the same shade yellow of those little crocus flowers that pop up all over the yard every March.
The ones that remind you that there are lighter days ahead.
You showed me that light still existed in the world beyond my walls, and then you helped me pull those walls down again and again, which I recognize probably got annoying after a while.
Your endless optimism gave me a safe place to believe in hope again, and I was never quite able to figure out a way to tell you that.
But I have to believe you could feel how much that meant to me.
I’ve never been one for long-winded emotional diatribes—hell, words are hard enough for me—but here I am still going.
Loving you and loving Lily was one of the best things I’ve ever done in my life.
Because of you, I got to know what it really means to be part of a happy family.
Because of you, Lily, and even Sarah, I know I will never be forgotten.
So thanks. (Yes, if you’re wondering, this does feel awkward to write. But hey, look at me expressing myself.)
I do have one last ask of you, and I promise it involves absolutely nothing athletic—unless you’re into that by the time you’re reading this—but my ask is this: Go live a life that sets your soul on fire.
Live a life so full of love and happiness and lightness that everyone else around you can’t help but be a little jealous.
Shine bright—you deserve it. Thanks for the adventure of a lifetime, now go have some new ones.
Love,
J
Time felt frozen as Beth read and re-read the letter from Jamie, her thoughts scattering into a thousand different directions.
Sarah’s voice carried down the hall as she entered the kitchen. “All done with work, how can I…”
“Mom,” Lily said uneasily, handing her letter over to Sarah. “Does this mean what I think it means?”
Beth watched as Sarah’s eyes flicked over the letter, rapidly digesting its contents, but what caught her attention was the ghost of a smile playing on her lips.
“If what you think it means is that Jamie left you the house in Oregon, then yes. It means what you think it means,” Sarah said, her eyes catching the afternoon light pouring through the windows into the kitchen.
“I’m sorry, what?” Beth said, as Lily spoke at the same time.
“What am I supposed to do with a house?”
Sarah handed the letter back to Lily, who took it with a raised eyebrow.
“Oh, there are a lot of options, sweetie. Good thing we have such a long car ride next week to go through them all.” Sarah winked.
“Lily, why don’t you go put that box with your other important things downstairs?
” Beth suggested, waiting until Lily was out of earshot before turning to Sarah.
“Convenient how a shoebox full of letters from Jamie appears right as we’re packing to move.
I know for a fact that specific shoe box has never been in the hall closet. ”
Sarah grinned, biting her lower lip. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She shrugged, reaching out to take each of Beth’s hands in hers, pulling her forward as she wrapped them around her waist, before asking, “Did you get what you needed from your letter?”
“How?” Beth whispered her question, looking up into Sarah’s hazel eyes.
“Jamie came to me with a problem. I helped her fix it. That’s all you need to know.” She shrugged again, leaning down to place the softest kiss against her lips.
“So I was thinking,” Lily said, reappearing in the kitchen.
Beth pulled away from Sarah, turning to face Lily as she slid onto a stool across the counter from where the two of them still stood. She pressed her hands against the cool marble surface. “Do share.”
“Can we do, like, a little goodbye night tonight? You know, for us and for, like, Jamie? We can go to all our favorite spots around the island, and maybe we could get tattoos or something. I feel like that’s what Jamie would want to do.”
“Sounds perfect to me,” Sarah said, an easy grin spreading across her cheeks as she looked at Beth, eyes sparkling.
“Let’s go.”
Beth begrudgingly buckled herself into the backseat of Sarah’s car after losing to Lily’s shotgun call, only to have Sarah take Lily’s side, stating simply that all parties involved demonstrated a clear understanding of the rules of shotgun before engaging—no special exceptions made.
She rolled her eyes at Sarah in the rearview mirror as she backed out of the driveway in the direction of their first destination: Jamie’s favorite beach.
From the beach, they made their way through town because, according to Lily, “Ice cream was obviously next.” They window-shopped their way down the main street as they each worked through their cones—lavender for Lily and Beth, chocolate chip cookie dough for Sarah.
Beth’s fingers were laced with Sarah’s as they walked a little way behind Lily, who was on the phone, trying to secure their tattoo appointments with a girl named Sabs Jamie used to see whenever the urge for new ink hit her.
“You’re really going to go through with it? Getting a tattoo?” Beth asked Sarah, giving her hand a little squeeze.
“It’s just a tattoo.”
“Who are you and what have you done with Sarah Gallagher?” Beth nudged Sarah with her elbow. “Who was it who threw a small fit when Lily wanted to get her first tattoo? Hmmm?”
Sarah shrugged, stopping to linger in front of the jewelry store window. “I still think sixteen was too young, regardless of Olympian status, but I got outvoted.”
Beth followed Sarah’s gaze to the diamond rings glittering in the display case and before she could stop herself, the impulsive question was already on the tip of her tongue. “Do you want to get married again?”
Without missing a beat, Sarah responded with a smirk. “Maybe someday… If it’s with the right woman.”
Beth laughed as Sarah bumped her hip into hers, the casual contact a reassurance that she was joking. “No, I’m serious. Is that something you want? We haven’t really talked about it. And since we’re all about communication now…” Beth cooed, looping her arm through Sarah’s, leaning against her.
Sarah glanced at Lily, her tongue darting out to lick her lower lip thoughtfully.
“One day, yes. But I’m not in any rush.” She brought Beth’s knuckles to her lips, kissing them softly.
“I’m enjoying existing in the present moment with you.
I have everything I could ever want right here, right now.
I don’t want to blink and miss a single moment of it. ”
Beth took a step closer to Sarah, bringing her hand up to cradle Sarah’s cheek, thumb brushing over high cheekbones. “Well, love, consider marriage on the table for whenever we do decide to get around to it. You’re stuck with me forever, whether there are rings involved or not.”
She leaned in and kissed Sarah, drawn-out and slow and purposeful, trying her best to reinforce her words. Forever. Forever with Sarah was the dream, and Beth was here living it. Sarah’s lips parted, a small groan filling the back of her throat as Beth slid her tongue along her lower lip.
“Ew.” Lily’s voice interrupted them. “I leave you two alone for five minutes, and you’re all over each other. And in public. I literally can’t take you two anywhere.”
Sarah grinned as Beth slid her arm around her waist, slipping her hand into the back pocket of Sarah’s jeans. “Where are we heading next, love?” Beth asked.
“Tattoos. Sabs was able to squeeze us in. I picked the design and everything.”
“We don’t get to choose our own?” Sarah asked cautiously.
“Trust me. You’ll love it, but let’s go. We need to be on the next ferry.”
An hour later, the three of them ducked into a small tattoo studio with high windows and black ceilings painted with intricate spider webs and large swaths of purple velvet hanging on the walls.
A speaker in the corner pumped what appeared to be a heavy metal cover of a popular Taylor Swift song.
A bubbly girl with bright eyes, black hair, and black lipstick greeted them as they entered.
“Hi, Sabs!” Lily said, holding the door for Beth and Sarah to pass through.
Beth had met Sabs a few times before, when she came to join Jamie while she had more elaborate pieces done.
“I love the purple,” Beth said excitedly. “I knew it was going to be awesome when you were describing it last time I was here, but wow. You were right, it really elevates the space.”
“I know, right? I’m obsessed,” Sabs said. “Okay, these are going to be quick. I’ve got a client coming in in a bit, so I need the three of you to sign these, please.” She placed three clipboards on the counter. “And Lily, I believe you said something about wanting to do a design reveal?”
Lily nodded eagerly, handing her signed clipboard back to Sabs before pulling out her phone.
“I was trying to come up with something that made sense for all of us to get, and I think I figured it out.” She flipped her phone screen around to reveal a single sprig of lavender.
“So…what do you think? I mean, obviously, it’s because we love all things lavender—Jamie included—but I also kind of like it because, you know, we all like women.
” Lily grinned, shrugging her shoulders.
Beth and Sarah burst out laughing, Beth pulling Lily into a hug. “It’s perfect, love. I’m so down.” She looked at Sarah, who was still laughing.
“I love it. Only you two could convince me to get a tattoo.” She grinned.
“Great, because you’re going first.” Lily smiled wickedly as Sabs motioned to a chair in the middle of the space. As Beth pulled out her phone, she snagged a quick video of Sarah’s horror.
That evening, after the tattoos and after a quick dinner at Pho King Delicious—Jamie’s favorite Pho place—the three of them sat on the dock overlooking the water back at Beth’s house, the cool moonlight reflecting looming shadows of towering pine trees across the water.
The warm breeze swirled around them, slightly picking up the hem of Beth’s skirt. She shrugged, the fabric of Sarah’s borrowed denim jacket moving against her skin.
Her phone vibrated in her pocket, and she pulled it out to see a text from Sarah’s sister, Kelly, responding to the video Beth had sent her of Sarah getting her first tattoo.
Kelly 7:54 PM
Bahahahah! She looks so uncomfortable. I love it. Truly, thank you for sending this—I will cherish this blackmail forever. ALSO! Count me 100% the fuck in on renting your house. I need to get off this boat ASAP. Love you, sis. Talk details soon.
“Who’s that?” Sarah asked, taking a peek over her shoulder.
“Your sister. I sent her the video of you getting your tattoo.”
Sarah rolled her eyes. “Of course you did. You two have always been in cahoots.”
“Guilty. There’s something about her chaotic nature that I find cute. But,” she said, drawing out the word, “guess who’s going to be renting my house while we’re in D.C.?”
Sarah laughed, smiling into the breeze as she looked out over the glistening water. “I hope you have good homeowner’s insurance… That’s all I’m going to say. Love her, but Kel is a walking tornado.”
“I think she’s super fun,” Lily said absently, examining her tattoo through the clear protective covering. “I still can’t get over how pretty it is. Sabs did a great job.”
Sarah and Beth each rolled back their sleeves, revealing their own tattoos in the same place, the three of them holding their wrists in a line.
“I kind of love it.” Lily beamed, looking up at them. “It’s like a little family crest. The Gallagher Girls,” she said, smiling widely at Beth, who understood.
“Together forever,” Beth said, looking to Sarah next as she painted this moment into her memory forever.
“Us against the world.”