Chapter 42 #2
Reeves searched her face, then glanced at her mother as she brought in the bowl of leftover salad. “You tell me,” he whispered.
Bailey nodded and turned to her momma. “I don’t think we’re going to stay for the fire tonight. It’s a long way back to the farm, and I have tons of appointments this week.”
“Of course,” her mom said, and she eased into Bailey, her eyes falling closed with bliss as she hugged her daughter. “It was so good to see you. I hope your dinner with Stockton with Ronnie goes well this week.”
“I’m sure it will.” Bailey stepped back. “We’ll go say good-bye to Daddy.”
Her mother nodded, and Reeves stepped over to her and gave her a quick, one-armed hug before he took Bailey’s hand and went outside to say good-bye to Graham.
That done, they walked down the sidewalk that ran between the lodge and a couple of other buildings, and he opened her door before joining her inside the cab of the truck.
He started it and adjusted the heat as they’d blown the air conditioner on the way up, but would need the temperature to be warmer on the way back.
He swung around and pulled onto the highway and started down the canyon with the words piling up inside his mouth.
He wanted Bailey to start this conversation, because he wasn’t quite sure which one they needed to have, only that she had something stewing and vibrating inside her, and he’d rather just have it out, so he could see it and hear it and examine it.
Halfway down the canyon, when she still hadn’t said anything, Reeves cleared his throat. “What’s wrong?” he asked.
“I don’t know,” she said, and she sounded absolutely miserable.
“Just tell me what you’re thinking, wildflower.”
She sighed, and while Reeves would really like to hold her hand during this conversation, the canyon was steep and twisty, and he needed both hands on the wheel. Darkness had caught up to them, and Bailey looked out her side window to boot.
“I’ve just been thinking about…” She trailed off and took another breath. “You.”
“Me?”
“Us, I guess,” she said. “I told you months ago about the Youngs.” She paused, almost like she needed to measure every word before she said it. “And how big they are, and how I feel so small among them, right?”
“Right,” he said.
“And I don’t really belong with them anyway, though they include me—and now you—in everything. It’s nice of them, but there’s a reason Bryce and I didn’t work out and never would have. I don’t want a public life.”
Reeves nodded, though Bailey wasn’t looking at him and wouldn’t be able to see him.
“And Reeves, your whole life is public.”
“That’s not true,” he said immediately. “In fact, I’ve worked incredibly hard to make sure that a large part of my life is not public. Forty-five minutes a week while I’m camping is not who I am, Bay.”
“But it’s what people think you are,” she said quietly. “And I want to be able to go to the grocery store, and have my hot husband take me out for steak on my birthday, and take our kids to swimming lessons at the public pool, and not have people try to follow us home.”
Reeves’s throat worked against itself, because she’d just vocalized all of his suspicions, and he had no answer for her.
“That’s all,” she said. “And I don’t want you to shoot at Whiskey Mountain Lodge.”
“All right,” he said, though part of him mourned the loss of the forests surrounding the lodge, where he’d never been camping before.
They would make a great series of videos.
“I won’t shoot up there.” He looked over to her quickly, refocusing back on the road so he didn’t wrap the truck around a tree.
“I’ve thought about cutting back.”
She swung her attention toward him, and he slid a glance at her again. “You have?”
“Yeah. In the past couple of months, making a weekly video has grown a little tiresome. I was thinking of cutting back to doing just twice a month.” He swallowed, wishing his tongue didn’t feel so thick. “Every other week.”
He rounded the last curve and came out of the canyon, with the gated community on the left-hand side of the road. Streetlights had been installed this far up, and he glanced over to Bailey and found a look on her face that didn’t comfort him.
“Because of me?” she asked, her tone absolutely accusatory.
“No,” he said, and then he sighed. “I mean, partially. Maybe I’m not as young as I once was, and my ideas for videos aren’t as good as they used to be, and yeah, I have this part of my life that feels really loud and a little chaotic.
But I’ve worked really hard to create privacy as well.
Normalcy with the farm and the animals. Maybe I haven’t done a very good job, and maybe cutting down on the videos would help. ”
“Maybe,” Bailey murmured. “I don’t want you to change anything for me.”
“Why not?” Reeves asked. “That’s what we do for the people we want to have in our lives. We change to make them more comfortable. We sacrifice so we can be with them.”
He came to a stop at the sign at the very bottom of the canyon and flipped on his left blinker. “Are you saying you wouldn’t do that for me? Change a little bit? Sacrifice something?”
“Of course I would,” Bailey said.
“Okay, then.” He made the turn, not quite sure what point he’d been trying to make, or if it had been made.
He started up the Apple Highway, which also required a lot of attention, especially after dark, as deer liked to cross the road, and the last thing he needed was to hit an animal.
Neither of them spoke for the rest of the drive, and he pulled into Bailey’s driveway slowly and put the truck in park. He looked over to her fully then. “I really like your parents, Bailey, and I don’t think it’s a secret that I’m falling in love with you.”
She shook her head and looked down at her hands in her lap.
“What do you need?” he whispered. “Whatever it is, if I can give it to you, I will.”
Bailey sniffled and shook her head. His heart squeezed too tight, making the beat shallow and rapid.
“I don’t know,” she said again. She looked up at him with those fierce, beautiful, blue eyes that had first struck him when he’d met her. “Maybe just some time to figure things out.”
Reeves nodded, though a voice screamed through his head that said, What things?
If he knew what things, he could help her straighten them out and make them right. If he knew, he wouldn’t lose her.
He unbuckled and got down from the truck.
He collected Bailey from the passenger seat and held her hand as he walked her toward the door.
On her doorstep, she turned into him and gripped the collar of his shirt.
He held her flush against him and leaned down, his cheek resting against hers and his lips at her ear.
“We’ll still be talking, right?” he whispered. “I can’t fix things that I don’t know you’re worried about.”
“I don’t need you to fix things,” she said.
Reeves exhaled, and it sounded frustrated, as quiet as it was.
“But yes, we’ll still be talking,” she said. “We’re having Ronnie and Stockton for dinner on Wednesday.” She looked up at him. “You’re coming to that, right?”
“I’ll be anywhere you want me to be, Bay,” he said. He wanted to tell her he’d quit the Teton Mountain Man channel tonight if that’s what she needed. He’d do anything to keep her in his life, but something told him such a statement wouldn’t go over well, and he swallowed the words instead.
He found he didn’t have any more assurances for her, and if she needed time, Reeves could certainly give her that. But he wasn’t going to walk away without a kiss, and he leaned down and matched his mouth to hers, praying with everything he had that it wouldn’t be the last time.