1. Bailey-Rose #2
I attempted to run my fingers through my hair, only for them to get stuck on the snarls since I couldn’t remember when I last brushed it. Ugh, I was a mess, but I just didn’t give a shit. It’s not like anyone outside of Crew and Eli would know or could see me.
“It’s not that I can’t talk to you about this…
we have, many times,” I reasoned. “If I tell you how I’m feeling right now, you have to promise me you won’t try to fix it.
Don’t run to grab your super-brother cape and swoop in to fix my problems. Right now, I just want to say how I’m feeling and not feel guilty, stupid, or that my feelings are invalid because I’m not seeing the so-called ‘big picture.’ ”
Crew scratched at his jaw while taking the time to consider if he could do this for me.
“Fine, I promise to sit here and listen to what you have without trying to fix it the moment you finish telling me how you feel. You need me to be an empathetic sounding board right now, and that’s what I’ll be. ”
Unsure if I believed him, I crossed my arms and gave him my best glare. “Do I need to make you pinky promise?”
“Oh, we’re pulling out the big guns.” Crew gasped in mock horror shielding himself from me as I threatened him with another pillow before bursting into laughter. “No, you little grumpy kitten, you don’t need to make me pinky promise.”
With a sharp nod, I climbed onto my pastel pillow explosion of a bed.
I made it so it felt like I was sleeping on clouds and flicked on the switch that illuminated the rainbow fairy lights woven in the canopy above my bed.
This conversation needed a little more cheerfulness, and I was definitely going to need Pearl for this.
She was the giant stuffed octopus Eli got me for my tenth birthday, which I had to spend in the hospital.
He told me that if I got lonely, Pearl had eight arms to hug me with so I wouldn’t ever feel lonely.
“The harsh reality is that I’m going to end up alone,” I stated as I rested my cheek on Pearl’s big, round, squishy head.
“No Scent Matcher will take me. I don’t meet the qualifications since I’m an Omega with a genetic defect.
Why in the world would they want to risk more people having this issue?
Did you know there’s a sixty percent chance of passing this on to my children? ”
I could feel Crew holding himself back from speaking. The effort was so great it was almost as if it took on a physical presence. Yet he held to his promise and kept his mouth shut.
“You understand part of this since you can’t hire the Scent Matchers to help find your pack, being a Beta and all.
Which, I think that rule is shit,” I said with an irritated harumph.
“Betas have the ability to be scent-bonded, but it’s just not as common as it is with Alphas and Omegas.
Even so, you should have the chance to be partnered with others to create your own pack and work with them to match with an Omega,” I ranted, waving my right arm around, adding emphasis to my words.
Doing that got me so worked up my heart monitor started beeping. Crew’s hand snatched my left hand and pulled it to him so he could see the reading on my tracker. When he didn’t comment, I knew it was in a safe range, just tipping over into the danger zone.
“Lou, we aren’t talking about me right now,” Crew commented as he sprawled out on his back, arms under his head.
“I’m well aware of my struggles, but that hasn’t been my priority.
I’m not worried… it’ll happen when it happens.
Now, let’s bring this back to you and your feelings without getting worked up about it. ”
Blowing out a breath, I returned to the point I was trying to make.
“Ninety percent of our society uses Scent Matchers to find their scent-bonded Omega. Since I can’t be entered into their system, no one knows I exist, leaving me to hope and pray I might find an Alpha or a pack that will want me.
It’s a proven fact that if you don’t go through a service that can access the whole goddamn country…
soon the world, if the news is telling us the truth, you won’t find your scent-bonds.
This leaves you with the only option of someone liking you enough to date you and possibly one day bond based on their attraction to you as a person. ”
Crew rolled his head to the side to look at me instead of the twinkling lights of the canopy. “Why do you make that sound like a bad thing?”
“It’s not for most people, but I’m not most people,” I countered. “Crew, a minute ago, I got upset for you and set off my monitor. Having children is beyond high risk for me, but that would only be if I could ever manage to have sex.”
“No one has ever said you can’t have sex,” Crew argued. “Not that I want to think about that because… ew. My point is, no doctor has told you that’s off-limits.”
“That is true, but do me a favor… the next time you have a sexy time with one of your Beta friends, borrow my spare monitor and see if you can keep your heart rate under eighty-five beats per minute. The. Whole. Time,” I challenged. “I bet you a hundred bucks that thing will go off like crazy.”
“Of course it would. My resting rate is in the mid seventies. You’ve learned over the years to keep yours in the high sixties so you don’t set that damn thing off,” he countered. “I get your point, and I wasn’t trying to fix the situation. I just didn’t want you stating facts that weren’t true.”
“Whatever,” I grumbled. “Then I’ll say it’s challenging to have sex and find a partner who is willing to navigate the terms. Randall only managed to figure it out a few times, and it absolutely wasn’t worth the effort with him.”
Crew stuck his fingers in his ears and started yelling. “La la la, I hear nothing. My baby sister is pure as the driven snow, untouched by mere mortals, and certainly no man named fucking Randall.”
I snickered at that, knowing it would make him uncomfortable. “I thought you said we could talk about anything?”
He chucked a pillow at me. “Anything but that. We can talk about whatever you want that involves everyone’s clothes staying on.”
“You’re safe. That was all I was going to say about the matter anyway before you made a big deal about it,” I shared, then sighed and flopped against my pillows.
“I thought Randall was the one. We met in the hospital when I had pneumonia from that stupid cold anyone could handle while his brother was also getting treatment. There were no surprises when it came to the fact that I’m a broken, defective Omega who will be needy and high maintenance all her life. He liked me for me… or so I thought.”
The image of that woman’s face as Randall railed her from behind played on repeat in my head.
“Why bother going out with me in the first place?” I asked, not really expecting an answer.
“Bottom line is I’m not the Omega anyone wants.
Knowing this, why would I put myself out there to be rejected, insulted, laughed at, or cheated on?
All I want to do is give what’s left of my broken heart to someone for the rest of the life I have to live.
My fairy tale doesn’t exist out there in the real world.
It’s too jaded and pragmatic to take a chance on the factory reject. ”
My bed jostled as Crew crawled up to lay beside me and slid his arm under my head so it rested against his shoulder.
He’s always smelled like carrot cake to me—full of spice and life but earthy at the same time.
It fit who he was as a person full of life, jokes, and fun, but when you needed him, he was there for you like now.
“I’m not saying this to try and fix anything, but I just can’t hold back from saying it,” Crew said, then paused a second.
“Randall is fucking lucky to be alive for making you feel this way. If I ever cross paths with that shitstain, I will give him a black eye as a warning to the world that they should stay the fuck away.”
“Did you want me to invite him over?” I asked. “I’m pretty sure I could guilt-trip him into talking to me face-to-face.”
“LouLou, are you trying to put me in jail?” Crew demanded.
I let out a sigh. “No. I just really wanted to see you lay his ass out flat, and if it happens randomly, I might not be there to see it.”
“Damn, that’s cold.” Crew chuckled. “I like it.”
“Thank you for listening,” I shared, nuzzling into his comforting presence. “I’m still not leaving my room, though.”