33. Carina
THIRTY-THREE
CARINA
Henrik gives me a sympathetic look. “I wish I could take away that pain, but I can’t.
It’ll always be with you.” His words are true, but they still hurt, even though I can tell they’re wrapped in love.
Henrik always makes me feel loved and protected.
He doesn’t just say it. He does it too. Whether it’s bringing me a white chocolate mocha, surprising me with the sea glass notes, or walking closest to the street to protect me from oncoming traffic, he’s always showing he cares and putting me first. It’s just one of the many reasons I love him.
“I know. I appreciate your support and love as I navigate my feelings,” I tell him.
He cracks a smile and waggles his eyebrows. “Well, I am a ship captain, you know. Navigating is kind of my thing.” His shoulders shake with silent laughter. Funny guy.
“That was truly terrible.” I laugh, shaking my head.
His deep laughter finally joins mine, making the perfect soundtrack to the celebratory evening.
His humor adds much-needed levity to a sad conversation.
My grumpy fisherman hides this side of himself from almost everyone else.
I know Eirik and his family have seen it from time to time, but with me, he’s uninhibited. Swoon. He really is the greatest.
JUNE 2024
It’s the Saturday before we leave for the survey, and we’re finally having dinner with my family. Thankfully, my dad offered to grill burgers, meaning it’ll be relaxed.
“Are you ready for this?” I tease Henrik while standing on the front step.
His shoulders rise and he mumbles, “I hope they like me.”
Squeezing his hand, I say, “What are you talking about? You just have to show them your softer side. Maybe don’t introduce them to my loveable grump.”
“I’ll try,” he says, then smiles, making his dimples pop.
“There’s the man I love. You have nothing to worry about.” I give him a tender kiss before I knock on the door.
“Carina. Henrik. I’m so glad you could make it,” my mom says when she answers the door to our simple, dated house.
Henrik follows me down the hallway, past the catch-all entry table and overflowing shoe rack. With three teenage girls running rampant in the house, it’s never tidy and organized like my mom would love.
“Please excuse the mess. Summer break, teenagers, and chores are the bane of my existence,” she says airily.
We head into the kitchen, where my three sisters lounge at the dinner table, watching their phones, oblivious to their surroundings.
Henrik steps closer to the laminate-covered island.
“These are for you,” he says, handing my mom a colorful bouquet he picked up earlier.
I hadn’t known about it until he brought it home.
Swoon. I would never tire of seeing my grouchy crab fisherman’s tender heart.
My mom’s blue eyes glisten with unshed tears.
“Thank you, Henrik. This was so kind of you.”
The squeaky sound of the sliding glass door interrupts the moment. “Henrik. Carina. You made it. I hope you’re hungry. I made big boy burgers.”
Henrik looks at me and whispers, “What are big boy burgers?”
“Dad, why don’t you explain what a big boy burger is to Henrik.”
“Sure. They’re nothing fancy. They’re bigger than a normal hand-packed patty, and they’re stuffed with cheddar cheese.”
Henrik pats his stomach. “That sounds great. Need any help?”
My dad smiles. Having a house full of girls, he’s probably excited to have more testosterone around. “They’re already on the grill. Grab a beer and we’ll go check on them.”
After grabbing a beer and giving me a quick kiss, he heads off to our back deck.
Once the patio door is shut, my sisters come out of their device-induced stupor.
The oldest of my sisters, Ebbie, moves to the island and plops down on the wooden stool next to me.
“He’s cute. Does he have any younger brothers? ”
“Yes, Ebbie, but you’re just barely out of high school and much too young for Edgar.”
She scoffs, and my mom groans. I can’t imagine the drama my three sisters bring into this house daily. Between school, clothes, makeup, and boys, I guarantee my parents keep busy managing conflict. Considering the conversation closed, I turn to my mom. “Need any help?”
At her nod, I rise from my chair.
“Can you cut up the watermelon?” she says.
Retrieving a knife, cutting board, and bowl, I go on the hunt for the watermelon.
Flipping the light on in the garage, I see three personal-sized melons sitting on the chest freezer.
Wondering if we need them all, I mentally count how many people are eating, and figure it’s a safe bet she’ll want all three cut.
I’m careful about how I gather them in my arms so I don’t cause a melon disaster.
Pushing through the door, I’m extra diligent in taking small, measured steps.
Entering the kitchen, I ask, “Mom, you wanted me to grab all three, right?”
“Yep,” she answers.
Once everything is prepped and the burgers are done, we sit down for dinner.
My parents pepper Henrik with questions about work and family.
I learn my dad knows Henrik’s father. Halfway through my burger, Henrik clears his throat.
“Mr. Dahl… Jansen, that was the most delicious burger.” The smile on my dad’s face is full of happiness and pride.
“Thank you, Henrik. I’m glad to see someone besides me can finish one.” A quick look around the table shows that my mom, sisters, and I are all only at about the halfway mark of our burgers.
Henrik laughs. “You named them perfectly. Mine certainly was filling.”
After dinner is done, when we’re getting ready to leave, Henrik asks if my parents are coming out to see the survey boats off.
“I didn’t know that was a thing,” Mom says, giving me a look.
“I didn’t either. But I’ve learned that when Henrik leaves to go crabbing, his entire family goes to the docks to wish them well on their journey.”
“Well, I’d love to be there to wish you well.” She looks at my dad, silently asking if he can come too.
He wraps his arm around her waist. “I can take my lunch early and meet you there.”
Monday arrives, and the NOAA survey scientists are standing in front of their designated fishing vessels.
Just as we’re about to board the ship, I see my parents and Henrik’s walking up the dock.
They’re laughing and getting along great, which makes me happy.
I wave to them, and all four wave back. A husky baritone laugh rings out from above me.
Looking up, I see it’s Henrik. A second later, he disappears, and I head to our parents to say hello.
“Hi, everyone. Thanks for coming.” We all chat for a few minutes before Henrik says it’s time to head out. While giving Sylvie, Henrik’s mom, a hug, I ask her to say bye to Mia for me.
“She came with us, but she must be held up at Eirik’s boat, visiting with Elin and Elias.
They love her to pieces. She’s the daughter they always wanted.
” I swallow my response to that, filing it away for a later conversation with Mia.
With a last hug to my mom and dad, Henrik and I board the Brina for our journey to the Bering Sea.
Standing on the deck by myself, I wave to our parents and Mia, who finally appeared, and my emotions bubble over.
I’m so grateful for the opportunity to be part of this study.
It’s both thrilling and terrifying at the same time.
I’m also anxious. Not about the job I’m here to do, but because this is my first time out at sea for this long on a boat of this magnitude.
Knowing how far we’ll be from land has caused me more than one moment of panic.
Hopefully, I’ll get to see the ins and outs of working on a boat in the middle of an ocean and it will calm some of my worries about Henrik crabbing.
I join Henrik in the wheelhouse after Kodiak disappears in the distance. I study how intense he is while he maneuvers the Brina out to sea. If he can guide this ship with such ease, he must be able to parallel park with his eyes closed. Just the thought of that makes me laugh.
“What’s so funny?” he asks, his concentration still on the task at hand.
“It’s nothing. I’m just amazed that you can move this enormous ship around with such ease. I can’t even parallel park without my backup camera and no other cars around.” I laugh at myself.
He smirks. “You make me laugh. Like right now, I can’t tell if you’re being serious or not.”
“I’m serious. I barely passed parallel parking during my driving test. And once I did, I haven’t attempted it since.”
Henrik barks out a laugh. “Good thing Kodiak isn’t like San Francisco. Where parallel parking is a necessity.”
Hours into the two-day trip out to the Bering Sea, I’m still hanging out with Henrik in the wheelhouse when Edgar and Kai join us.
I’ve met Edgar and spoken with him a few times now, but Kai, I only officially met today before we set sail, and it was only briefly because the crew had a lot of work to do.
It’s obvious from his salt-and-pepper hair and his deep laugh lines that Kai is older than Henrik. “How long have you worked on the Brina?” I ask him.
Kai laughs, and Edgar doesn’t hold back, answering, “Forrreverrrr.”
Kai keeps laughing. “I started working with Anders, their dad, when these two were just kids.”
“So you probably have some good stories to tell?” I ask, watching for Henrik’s reaction. Just like I assumed, his head whips around in Kai’s direction. He’s blushing and his eyes are pleading with his second in command to not say anything.
Kai grins mischievously. “I have many stories about these guys, but what happens on the boat, stays on the boat.”
Apparently relieved Kai hasn’t ratted on him, Henrik’s shoulders drop.
“Well, that’s no fun.” I fake a pout with my hands on my hips.
“Sorry, darling. I’ve sworn allegiance to the Berg family. And I like my job. My lips are sealed.”
Staring out the window, watching the gulls fly and the waves roll, time passes slowly.