41. Carina
FORTY-ONE
CARINA
Alittle over a week before Henrik leaves for king crab season, my life shifts drastically.
It’s a Friday, and I’m more than ready for the weekend.
Henrik and Eirik are spending the weekend on a fishing charter in Homer, so Mia and I have a spa day planned for ourselves.
By noon, I’m exhausted after a busy week at work, so I decide to stay at the office for lunch.
Seated at a round table in our lunchroom, I’m eating the sandwich I packed when George walks in.
Grabbing his lunch from the fridge, he asks if he can join me.
I close my book and smile. “Please do. But I’m not promising I’ll be good company. It’s been a long week.”
He nods and sits down. “I really am glad you could participate in the NOAA survey.”
“It was truly my pleasure. I loved being out at sea and seeing how the crab population is recovering. And then to get the official news this week that the state is reopening opilio season this year was so exciting.”
“You’re right, that is great news. Hopefully, the population will continue growing. Thankfully, the government is committed to it. And who knows, you might get invited to take part again.”
Shaking my head, I reply, “Probably not. This year was a fluke since you didn’t have enough staff fishery biologists volunteer.”
George frowns at me. “What are you saying, Carina?”
Wringing my hands in my lap, because I hadn’t intended to have this conversation with my boss, I close my eyes and breathe out before I answer.
“Well, technically, I’m not a staff fishery biologist. I’m just a staff member who has degrees in fishery and marine biology.
Those things look different when applying for jobs and research.
As long as I’m in an education job, I don’t accumulate field experience.
” Hearing the defeat in my voice, I slump my shoulders.
Admitting that destroys a piece of my heart.
I’ve loved my time here, but I’m ready for a bigger challenge. But what that will be, I don’t know.
“As far as I’m concerned, you are qualified for surveys, jobs, and grants because you have the required education. I wish I had a biologist position open for you. It would be the easiest hiring decision I’ve ever had.”
I force a smile to my lips. “I appreciate your confidence, but I have to weigh my options and see if staying here in an educator position long term is going to be enough for me.” The realization of that is hard to swallow.
As I gather up my lunch trash, George fiddles with the fork in his thermos. “I’m sorry to hear you say you’re even considering leaving. I would give anything to keep you here at KFCR forever.”
“Thanks, George. I appreciate that. Nothing is in the works; I’m just thinking about the future. But if things change, I’ll keep you informed.”
“Thanks, Carina,” he says before I walk away.
Did I just make a mistake? I’m frustrated about the lack of opportunities available at KFCR, but maybe venting to my boss wasn’t wise.
Not long after I get home, my phone rings. It’s Stacy, and I answer it.
“Hey, Stace.”
“Hey, Carina. How are you? How’s the sexy crab boat captain?”
I laugh, thinking about some pictures I sent her last week of Henrik and me exploring Kodiak. In a few, he was shirtless. Finally, I answer, “We’re good. What’s up with you?”
The line goes silent, making me question if the phone disconnected. “Stace?” I say.
“Yeah, sorry. I’m here. So… the reason I’m calling is I heard through the grapevine that some marine biologist research positions have just become available in Hawaii.”
“Really? That would be a dream,” I gush excitedly. This would be an opportunity of a lifetime. I could finally do what I’m most passionate about, what I love. That is, until thoughts of leaving Kodiak and Henrik overwhelm my mind. My stomach sours, and I feel nauseous, as I really consider it.
No matter what, the decision I have to make is impossible.
On one hand is applying for the job I’ve dreamed about since I was young.
Pursing it would require me to move, to leave the man I love.
Just the thought is unbearable. A pain, raw and sharp, rips through my heart.
Wincing, I breathe out a slow, measured breath.
I consider my other choice. Stay on Kodiak with Henrik in a job I enjoy without the promise of moving into a researcher position.
My question of whether that would be enough rises to the surface.
Feeling panicked, I wonder how I can talk to Henrik about my dilemma.
I’m terrified he’ll rush to conclusions before I have all the facts.
I just want a chance to follow my dreams like he does in captaining the Brina.
With a heavy heart, I ask, “Are the positions permanent or temporary?”
“Honestly, I just heard about them and haven’t had a chance to check. Last time we talked, months ago, you mentioned wanting a job as an actual marine biologist. And bonus, it’s Hawaii.”
“That would be outstanding, but the thought of leaving Henrik makes me sick to my stomach. I don’t want to lose him or what we have. It’s special.”
“You really love him, don’t you?”
“I do.” I sigh, thinking of how amazing Henrik is. Before him, I wasn’t sure I’d ever meet someone who would match me so perfectly.
“Then forget I mentioned anything.”
I scoff. “Maybe. I mean, if it’s temporary, it would be nice to have a tropical distraction when he’s out fishing. I think I’ll check the listings out and see what positions are available.”
“That’s a great idea,” she says encouragingly.
After another half hour of catching up, we promise to talk soon.
Sitting on the couch, I stretch my legs out.
My whole body is tired, and I’m craving a bath.
With the potential jobs on my mind, I run the water and drop a scoop of Epsom salts into the tub.
“Mmmm.” The scents of eucalyptus and mint float into the air.
A nice long soak is just what I need. I can even look up those positions in Hawaii while I’m unwinding.
My pink toenails peek out of the water at the end of the tub as I relax in the hot, soothing water.
Flipping through the job postings Stacy mentioned, I see most of them are permanent, and I groan.
“Why can’t there be a position that only lasts from October to March?
” I notice two temporary positions listed, but the details are vague, so I make a note to reach out over the weekend.
By eight o’clock, I’m relaxed and falling asleep while trying to read on my Kindle.
Yawning, I set it on my nightstand before heading to the bathroom to take care of my nightly routine.
Fifteen minutes later, I’m ready for bed.
I set my alarm just in case I’m not awake by nine tomorrow morning.
Mia, Jen, and I are meeting at noon for lunch.
Since I spend so much time at Henrik’s, I want to get some laundry and other household chores done beforehand.
Walking into the restaurant the next day, I check the time on my phone. It’s ten minutes past noon. I grimace. I hate being late. “Carina,” Mia excitedly hollers from a table across the restaurant. I hurry over, noticing the stares I’m receiving from other patrons.
“Hi, ladies. Sorry I’m late. I was getting chores done and lost track of the time.”
They both laugh, and Jen says, “I was late too. I was cleaning my bathroom. I didn’t want to ruin my nails right after I did them.”
Not long after sitting down, we order. When our food is delivered, Mia picks up her glass. “Cheers to us and our girls’ day. It’s been too long.” The clinking of our glasses makes me smile.
Grabbing a fry, I dip it in ketchup while asking, “How’s the start of the school year been?”
Jen and Mia exchange looks before Jen finally speaks up. “One word describes it perfectly—hectic.” Mia nods her head.
“Oh no. I assumed teachers like the first of the year because they get to start with a new group of students,” I say.
Mia retorts, “It would be great if we could focus on our new group of students, but being pulled in so many directions and teaching with new, unfamiliar materials makes for long days, tension headaches, and mass amounts of chaos.”
My eyes bulge. “Does it ever slow down, or is it like that all year?
Jen laughs. “It definitely happens throughout the year. Some things seem to trigger it, such as holidays or the full moon,”
Mis jumps in, “I promise, even though we sound crazy, we aren’t. For as far back as I can remember, every Halloween and full moon, something happens.”
“I don’t think you’re crazy,” I say, then pop a fry into my mouth. Delicious. Crispy on the outside, soft on the inside, and perfectly salted.
Mia leans forward and plucks a small fry from my plate. The speed at which she shoves it in her mouth makes me laugh. She reminds me of Cookie Monster and his cookies. “These are so good.” She moans. She’s definitely second-guessing her order of a salad. Boring.
“Help yourself,” I say as I push the plate closer to her.
She smiles and takes a few more. “Thank you. I just need a few.”
Jen shakes her head. “So, Carina, how is ocean life?”
“It’s good,” I tell her. All morning, my mind had been consumed with Hawaii and the possibility of a temporary position while Henrik is at sea.
There are a lot of questions I need answered.
Are the jobs truly temporary? What are the time requirements?
Could my position at KFCR be converted to temporary so that I don’t have to quit?
And after the questions are answered, I have to deal with all my feelings and fears.
Do I want to leave Kodiak for six months out of the year?
What will that do to Henrik’s and my relationship?
How will I survive all year on what I make in six months if I can’t work at KFCR in the other six months?
Mia touches my arm. Surprised, I flinch. “Hmm? Oh, sorry,” I blurt.
“Are you okay?” she asks.
“Yeah. Why?”
Her face falls. “Because you were happy until Jen asked about work. Did something happen?”
Should I tell them? Stacy already knows.
Maybe they’ll be able to help me organize my thoughts.
Releasing a breath, I think, what the hell?
“I’ve talked to my boss at KFCR multiple times about a marine biologist position, and there isn’t one available.
I like what I do, but I want a new challenge.
Last night, I got a call from my friend Stacy, who told me about some marine biologist positions in Hawaii. ”
“You’re moving to Hawaii?” they say in unison.
“No. I have questions I need answers to before I’ll consider a position in Hawaii.”
Mia’s eyes widen, and she whispers, “Does Henrik know?”
I shake my head. “He and Eirik are on that fishing charter, so I haven’t been able to talk to him about it. Plus, I’d like more information before we talk. I need all the facts, and I have to figure out what I think first.”
“But you’re planning to tell him, right?” she asks, her voice harder than before. She may be Henrik’s little sister, but she’s obviously very protective of him.
“Of course I plan to talk to him about it. I don’t want to get the cart too far in front of the horse.”
She nods.
“Even if I leave, it will only be temporary. I’d come back. Kodiak is my home. I just want to get more experience.”
Again, she nods. “Okay, that makes sense.”
Needing a break from that conversation, I suggest, “Let’s switch to another subject.”
Following our catch-up session over lunch, we head to Mia’s house to begin our pampering party.
And it’s a perfectly timed distraction to keep my mind preoccupied.
Throughout the afternoon and early evening, we indulge in all the best pampering activities.
It’s just what I need. Being surrounded by my best friends, talking, laughing, having a good time. It doesn’t get better than this.
By six, we’re famished and ordering takeout.
Dinner in our comfiest pajamas while streaming romcoms is just the perfect way to end the day.
These ladies are my tribe. They welcomed me into their hearts, making room for me in their lives.
They see me and meet me exactly where I am.
There’s no judgment, only support and encouragement.
If I leave, I’ll be leaving them behind too.
My emotions overpower me, and I blink back tears.
Going home the next day only reminds me of all the chores that still need my attention.
With Henrik gone for the rest of the day, it’s the perfect opportunity to finish the deep clean I’d started before going to Mia’s.
By seven o’clock, I’m exhausted. My tank top’s drenched, and my blonde hair is wild and unkempt.
But almost everything on my to-do list has been conquered.
I’m in desperate need of a shower and comfy clothes.
After I’m clean, I reheat two pieces of pizza Mia sent home with me and then drop onto my couch.
Just as I get settled in, my phone dings.
Flipping it over, I see I’ve got a text message from Henrik.
Henrik
Hi, gorgeous. Just got back from our fishing charter. They’re cleaning and processing our fish. We have a late flight, so I won’t see you tonight unless you’re sleeping at my place.
Me
My sexy fisherman! It’s so good to hear from you. I’ve missed you and can’t wait to see you tomorrow. I’ve spent all today deep cleaning, and because I’m wiped, I’m staying at my place tonight. Tomorrow night, I’m all yours.
Henrik
All mine. I can’t wait. I love you.
Me
I love you too. Fly safe. Text me when you get in. I’m sure I’ll be asleep, but whenever I read it, it’ll be nice to know you’re home.
Setting down my phone, I pick up my pizza and watch a Netflix documentary before crashing out.
.