52. Carina
FIFTY-TWO
CARINA
Henrik has been on my mind constantly since I found out he’d been told about Hawaii.
My stomach twists every time I think about how I’d handled that situation.
I would absolutely make different choices if I got a do-over.
The ever-present pain in my chest is a combination of sharp and achy.
And it doesn’t matter what I’m doing or how I try to position my body, there is no escaping it.
Looking in the mirror in the mornings to get ready for work has become a bitter chore.
The bags under my eyes are heavy and dark.
Over the last week, I’ve frowned so much that wrinkles have formed, creating a forever reminder of what I’ve lost. My normal porcelain-like skin is dull, and my vibrant, wavy blonde hair appears flat and lifeless.
There’s no denying it—I’m a mess. And it isn’t just my appearance.
The happy, sunshiny woman I usually am has abandoned ship and gone into hiding.
One-word answers and frowns are now how I communicate.
My desk phone rings. Assuming it’s KFCR’s front desk, I answer with a groaned “yep.”
My boss’s deep voice saying my name shocks me, and I realize my mistake. Panicked, I quickly say, “Yes, sir.” Then I swallow hard, waiting for his reprimand. George has been a great boss, but he’s a stickler for professionalism, no matter the situation.
“Carina, if you’re not too busy, could you come to my office?” Shit. Did I do something wrong? The past week is foggy. I’m in a daze most of the time, and I can’t recall anything in particular that would earn me an invitation for a sit down with my boss.
“Yes, sir,” I answer while rising from my chair.
I grimace as I hang the phone up. Am I getting fired?
It wouldn’t surprise me. Although the walk to George’s office is short—less than thirty seconds—I’m exhausted by the time I knock on his door.
He waves me in, and when I drop into the chair across from him, I note that my breathing is labored, which is weird.
Even weirder is the trickle of sweat I feel running down my back a few seconds later. What is going on with me?
George gives me a kind smile. I try to return the sentiment, but my lips refuse to reciprocate. “Carina, I wanted to check in and see if you’re okay.”
His words stun me. Blinking back tears that are heavy in my eyes, I stare at my intertwined fingers and nod. “I’m fine, sir. It’s just been a tough week, personally.”
“I’m sorry to hear that. Is there anything I can do? Do you need to take some time off?”
Shaking my head, I force half a smile. “I appreciate your kindness. But this will just take some time. And I’ll do my best to make sure it doesn’t affect my job.”
“I didn’t call you in here because your job is suffering. I called you in because you’re usually so happy and smiley and for the last bit, you’ve been the exact opposite.”
“I will be,” I assure him. He nods and gives me another smile. Knowing the conversation is over, I get up and return to my desk. The rest of the workday is busy. I’m working on new education materials for elementary through high school students.
When five o’clock rolls around, I head out to my car to find Mia waiting for me. She looks at me nervously.
“Hi, Mia,” I call, extending an olive branch.
Smiling sweetly, she steps closer. “Hi, Carina.” She pulls me into a warm hug. “How are you?”
“I’m not doing great,” I mumble.
She frowns. “I’m so sorry for the pain I’ve caused you and Henrik.”
“Mia, this isn’t your fault. I chose not to say anything to Henrik, and he chose to not listen to the entire story.
I’m not mad at you. I’m frustrated and mad at him…
and myself. But he walked away without so much as a conversation.
Everything could be cleared up with a little communication, but he’s refusing to talk to me.
I told him I’d give him space. He knows I’m here to talk whenever he’s ready.
He’s choosing to be stubborn. That’s on him, not you. ”
Sadness covers her face. “I don’t want to stir up everything again. I’m here to let you know Henrik is headed back. They should arrive tomorrow afternoon. Even though things aren’t the best, I assumed you would want to know.”
“Yeah. Thanks, Mia.” The thought of welcoming him home saddens me. Before he left, I was so excited about that day. He would finally be home and safe. But he wouldn’t want me there anymore. Pushing all my fears aside, I look at her. “Are you going?”
She opens her mouth to respond and then closes it.
She’s quiet for a moment. “I understand he’s mad at me, but yes, I’m still planning to go.
I’m sure he doesn’t care if I’ll be there, but I need to see he’s home safely.
” My sentiments exactly. “Plus, our parents don’t know what happened, and they’ll suspect something if I’m not there. ”
The realization of that sinks in, and I feel horrible. “I’m sorry, Mia. I hadn’t even thought about how everything would play out in your family.” Hanging my head, I admit, “I feel terrible. Your parents are going to hate me.”
Mia pulls me into a hug. “Hush now. My parents won’t hate you because they won’t know. As soon as my big brother gets his head out of his butt and realizes that you were never planning to leave, and that he misunderstood everything, you two will reconcile and everything will be perfect again.”
I step back and scoff. “Perfect? Right now, I’d settle for just talking.”
Mia gives me a hopeful smile. “It’ll happen. Let the grump work through his anger and then I bet he’ll come around.”
My pulse picks up. Her words light a small flicker of hope within me. “You said they’ll arrive in the afternoon? Do you have a better estimate so I can be there?”
Her eyes light up, and an enormous smile spreads across her lips as she squeals, “You’re coming?”
“I am, but I’m going to stay out of sight. I don’t want to upset him further, but I need to know he’s home safely too.”
Mia claps her hands together. “This makes me so happy. I’ll text Edgar tonight, asking him to text me tomorrow when they’re an hour out. Then I’ll text you. Does that work?”
“That’ll work great. I’ll talk with my boss and see if I can take my lunch right before they arrive.”
“Are you sure about hiding out? I know my parents would love to see you.”
Hearing that warms my heart. Mr. and Mrs. Berg are the most wonderful people. “Yeah, I’m sure. I don’t want to create any unnecessary drama.”
“I understand. I’m sure it’ll be tense between Henrik and me.” She laughs. “Poor Edgar will probably run interference.” I feel a smile tug at the corners of my mouth, and a small laugh falls from my lips.
“Oh my gosh. Did you just laugh?”
Surprised, I touch my lips.
“It’s a start, Carina.” She hugs me again and says, “I have a feeling everything is going to work out.” I hope so.
Stepping back, she looks at her watch and excitedly exclaims, “I have to go. Eirik is supposed to be arriving soon.” What is going on with those two?
Narrowing my eyes, I silently demand an answer from her.
She gives me nothing before she runs off to her car.
She’s a master at avoidance. When my life isn’t so chaotic, I’m making it my mission to get to the bottom of it.