Chapter 6
CHAPTER SIX
ZANE
“Dad!” I shout when I see him lying on the floor amid broken crockery and the tea tray. He stirs slightly, which is a good sign, I think. His eyes blink open.
“Are you alright?” I know it’s a stupid question, of course he’s not alright, but I just want a response from him.
“I think so,” he croaks, and it’s enough for now.
I try to lift him but he’s wedged between his chair and the couch on one side and the table on the other.
Despite how much weight he’s lost recently, he’s still a big man, and I can’t quite get my arms around him enough to haul him up. Devin appears at his other side.
Great. That’s all I need.
“I can manage. I don’t need any help,” I say through gritted teeth. He doesn’t leave, instead he pulls the table away and hunkers down by my dad’s other side.
“I said I can manage,” I snap.
“I know, I can see that,” he replies, and between us we lift my dad and sit him back in his chair.
He looks pale, as if he’s aged ten years, and my heart tightens in my chest. I know he’s never going to get better, but I’m not ready for this.
Devin sets about cleaning up the mess. I know I should be grateful for his help, but instead I wish he wasn’t here.
I don’t want him witnessing this. It’s too raw. Too private.
“What were you doing?” I ask Dad.
“I was trying to get up, but then I felt dizzy, and I don’t remember any more.”
He’s not had dizzy spells before, but he’s just started some new meds, so I make a mental note to ask the doctor at his next check up this week.
“Are you hurt?”
“No, of course not.” I don’t believe him so I give him the once-over, checking his arms, legs, and head for any signs of lumps or swellings. I check his hands for cuts from the broken plate, but thankfully I can’t see anything. Only then am I satisfied he’s okay.
Devin straightens up from sweeping up the last slivers of china. He holds the tray in his hand.
“What do you want me to do with this?” he asks.
Leave. Go away.
“Put it there.” I indicate the table it fell from and he hesitates for a few seconds.
“Glad you’re alright, Clive. Do you need anything else?”
“No,” I reply curtly, which seems to do the trick, as he leaves. I don’t even look up to watch him go.
“That was rude of you,” Dad says.
“He’s always interfering.”
“He was just trying to help.”
“I don’t need it,” I grind out, and Dad settles himself wearily back in his chair.
“Sometimes I wish you didn’t take after me so much. You always were stubborn. You could have done with some of your mother’s easy-going nature.”
I pick up the tray and take it through to the kitchen to make a fresh pot of tea and set out some of Arlene’s butter cookies.
His words stay with me. I’ve always admired how Dad got on with what needed doing, his focus.
I’ve modeled myself on him. I’ve had to.
But I remember my mom’s kindness, how she used to sing to me when I was little.
How she laughed when I begged for a brother and said it was the will of the gods.
Was it their will that took her from me too?
I curse as my eyes sting with tears at the memories.
I look out from the kitchen window, across the yard, and see that Nova and Sandy have returned and are talking to Devin.
I wipe my eyes angrily, feeling like this won’t bring her back.
I got what I asked for. I got Nova. He looks so much like her, with his wide smile and easy manner.
Though I love him with everything I have, every day and every time I look at him, I’m reminded of what I lost.
I take a deep breath and push it all back down again like I always do. At least I had twelve years with Mom. Nova never even got to meet her. Dad and I are all he has, and I need to be strong for him. I can do that, just like I always have.
They all burst out laughing at something Devin says. Bloody Devin, who is always in the wrong places at the wrong times, upsetting my equilibrium.
They laugh again, and I don’t know how they can look so happy when Dad’s just had a fall and his fragility increases every day. A burning sensation rises in my chest and I wrench open the door.
“Nova,” I shout, and they all turn at the tone of my voice.
“I need you inside, now. Dad’s not well.
” His face turns stricken as he hurries across the yard.
I ignore the small flicker of satisfaction that I’ve broken up the little chat.
Just like I ignore the black eyes that seem to track me.
Nova passes me and I shut the door on them, hoping I can shut them out of my dreams as well.