Chapter 18
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
ZANE
I watch as Devin’s eyes widen slightly.
“Never?”
“Nope.”
“Never ever?”
I huff out a laugh, which holds no humor.
“I never had the chance. I'm not sure I would’ve wanted to if I’d had, but I never got to find out.”
“Why didn’t you?” His voice is tender, with no judgement. I’ve never told anyone my story before. Most people know of it, but they don’t really know what it was like.
“When I was a kid, all I wanted was a brother. Someone to share stuff with, to be a playmate. I asked my mom, my dad, God. I put it at the top of my birthday and Christmas wish lists. To me, having a brother would be the ultimate in life.
I remember asking my mom why I didn’t have a brother, and she just smiled and said it was up to the universe.
That led to more than a few tantrums, and I thought life was unfair and the universe was against me.
It still is. What I didn’t know back then, what none of us knew, was that my mom had a rare condition and that conceiving was difficult, and actually having children was dangerous.
It was apparently a miracle I was born, but like I said, none of us knew.
If I’d known the price she’d have to pay to make me happy, I wouldn’t have asked it. ”
I stop at the memory and wait for the lump in my throat to ease. Devin brushes his thumb across the back of my hand. I lace my fingers with his, needing the contact to continue.
“I was so happy when she was expecting Nova, and I was probably very annoying about it. But I gained a brother and lost my mom. I remember going to see her, just after he was born. By then the doctors had diagnosed her, but it was too late, and she knew she was going to die, but no one had told me. She asked me to look after Nova for her. I made that promise to her. They were the last words I spoke to her, and she told me I was going to be a great brother. I never saw her again.”
Devin squeezes my hand gently.
“So it was me, Nova, and my dad. My family, the most important thing in the world. Dad was grief-stricken and mostly retreated into farmwork. I knew it was to provide for us, but I was left looking after Nova. I was twelve years old.
Aunt Arlene had her own life with Uncle Buck, and they didn’t live close enough to help regularly. Nova went to a lady while I was at school and I’d pick him up on the way home. I didn’t have time for friends, I was raising a kid, and when I left school, I worked on the farm too.”
“You missed out on a lot of your childhood and being a teenager,” Devin says and I shrug.
“I guess, but I never saw it like that. I couldn’t connect with any of the other kids. So I didn’t feel like I missed much.”
“But Nova’s a grown man now. You can live your own life.”
“I never really learned how to make friends. I always felt awkward, so I never really tried that hard. I have the farm, Nova, and then dad got sick, so I’ve got enough to do.”
“It’s a noble existence, Zane, but it’s kind of sad too,” Devin says.
“It’s one I’ve never regretted,” I reply. That is until now, when I have a lot of unfamiliar feelings for the man sitting in front of me and I’m not sure how to deal with them.
“I didn’t think that you would,” he says.
“Am I a hopeless case?” I ask, and he chuckles slightly.
“No, but you have a lot of catching up to do. We both have. Do you still want to find out what it’s like to be kissed?”
“Yes.” My stomach somersaults at the thought, but I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.
He stands and tugs gently on my hand, an invitation to follow him, and leads me to the bed, where pushes me to sit on the edge.
He sits next to me and turns to face me, cupping my cheek, and his hands are rough on my few days of stubble.
I hold my breath as his lips touch mine.
They’re softer than I thought they’d be and I press harder, enjoying the feel of his beard against my skin.
I feel his tongue touch my lips and I part them, wanting to taste him, wanting more.
He deepens the kiss but it’s still not enough.
The position is awkward and I pull back slightly.
I tug him towards me and he twists to straddle my lap.
When I cup his ass, he gives me a very sexy smirk, and the small spark I had deep inside me flares and burns brightly like a wildfire out of control.
I look up into his dark eyes. I want to sink into them. I want to drown in them. His lips meet mine again and I groan. I never want this to stop.