26. Everly
26
Everly
“ E verly! Over here!” I crane my neck around as I hop out of my Uber and then a second later spot my former college quad-mate, Jenna Cartwright, soon to be Jenna Levenson. Beside her stands our other quad-mate and one of our fellow bridesmaids-to-be, Talitha Perkins.
I grab at my purse and then glance to the back of the vehicle where the driver is presenting Rachel with her luggage. Once she straightens up, we all make eye contact and are suddenly caught in a cacophony of shrieks, laughter, and squeals, all of us talking over each other at once.
I’ve just flown back to LA again, my second home, and I thank my lucky stars that I booked my flight well in advance of my Ryder-induced work woes. Frankly, neither Jenna nor Rachel would have forgiven me if I’d skipped out on this wedding. The four of us shared a suite in college during our junior and senior years which meant we had a common space together, but we each had our own rooms. And that was the start of everything. We’ve been together ever since for girls’ nights, for work promotions, for breakups and illnesses, for pet funerals, and in Talitha’s case, for graduating from grad school.
All my life Rachel and Aunt Sharon have been my closest family, but Jenna and Talitha play a close second to that role. Once we settle into our hotel rooms, we spend the next twenty-four hours on Jenna’s official bridal tour. She starts us with a classic brunch before we move on to a scavenger hunt and then nail salons, Top Golf and last, but not least, a tattoo parlor.
I’m more than a little self-conscious about my changing shape, so I opt to keep my waistline fully clothed and pick a small image to get etched onto the nape of my neck. When we’re all done, we compare and take pictures. Before the rehearsal dinner we head back to the hotel, and I ask Rachel to help me apply lotion. She gently blots at the new mark for me before asking me to do the same for her shoulder.
“What is it, then?” She asks, nodding at my nape.
“Just something symbolic that I liked.”
I try to shrug it off, but she stays waiting pointedly before saying, “And?”
I feel my cheeks blush a little as I answer. The image is two circles, one larger and one smaller. The smaller one sits inside the large one and they connect at only one point at the top.
“It’s supposed to be a picture of love, the love you carry inside of you…like a baby inside a mother’s womb…”
“Oh, my God, Everly!” I felt very sentimental getting the tattoo and I wasn’t sure what to expect from someone else, so I laugh lightly when she instantly tears up and then wraps her arms around me as she answers in a squeaky voice, “I love it!”
I smile and let my hand smooth over my growing belly.
“I love it too.”
My phone buzzes a minute later and when I see that it’s Aunt Sharon calling, an instinctual twinge of worry hits me. I can’t pick up fast enough.
“Hi, Aunt Sharon?”
“Everly, how you girls doing over there? I hope you’re all on your best behavior!” she teases. I roll my eyes and instantly relax as I realize there’s no emergency.
“How can you even ask that?” I tease back. “Would the girl you raised ever do anything impetuous?” At that, Rachel cocks an eyebrow at my tummy and I swat at her with my most threatening gaze before turning away. Aunt Sharon is chuckling, but her next words take my breath away.
“Everly, I’m calling to let you know I got my test results back.” Suddenly I feel my heart jump into my throat, but she goes on before I can start peppering her with questions.
“It’s just an infection. Apparently, a kidney mass can be caused by infection. The doctor’s already given me an antibiotic shot, and I’ll be on some medication this week. We’ll have a follow up after that, but it looks like everything’s going to be fine.”
Relief floods me so intensely I hardly have time to locate a chair before I collapse with a hand on my chest, tears streaming down my cheeks. It takes me a couple of silent gasping sobs before I can get any words out, and now I’m the one squeaking.
“So… that’s it? Everything’s okay?” Rachel waves at the other two, and suddenly the girls are all around me, listening with looks of worry and empathy written all over them, but all I hear is Aunt Sharon reassuring me over the line and I can tell from her voice cracking that she’s either crying or close to tears as well.
“That’s all it is. The Lord is watching over me, and I’ve got more time left.”
I sniffle and struggle to hold myself together before I tell her “Okay,” and then we say our goodbyes and hang up. I stare at the girls with so many emotions tearing through me I can hardly process them.
“She’s okay.” I squeak and then I double over in sobs, all of the fear and the pain at the thought that I might still lose her gushing out of me for several minutes until I wipe my face with the fourth tissue someone has handed me and finally feel myself settle down. When I look up, I can see I’m not the only one who’s been crying.
“Oh, my God, Jenna. I’m so sorry!” I exclaim, but all three of them wave off my concerns, and I take a few more minutes to compose myself before I send Ryder a quick text with the good news. When that’s done, we splash cold water on our faces, reapply makeup, and then hustle to prep for the rehearsal dinner.
It isn’t until that night after the family event when I get back to my hotel room that I pull out my bridesmaid’s dress and, on a whim, try it on again, only to find that I can’t get it zipped. Not this. Please not this. I say a silent prayer and try one more time without success.
I heave a dejected sigh and send a text that has the girls running to my door. I let them in and then hold my arms out so they can see the issue. Rachel has a hand clasped over her mouth and just stares. It’s Jenna who speaks first.
“No way! Are you…? Are you pregnant, Ev?” Her voice pitches in disbelief, but I see Talitha’s got a different expression on her face, a softer look. She waits more quietly, and when I can’t bring myself to answer, Rachel finally drops her hand and speaks for me.
“Yes, she’s knocked up, and now she doesn’t fit in her dress!” But Talitha’s still watching me, waiting, until I finally nod my head and then a warm smile spreads over her features like a sunrise and she steps forward to gently wrap me in her arms. When she steps back a few seconds later, she holds both of my hands in hers and says reverently, “Congratulations, Everly. This is a blessing.”
And for the second time tonight I feel ready to collapse into tears. It seems all of my fears are being voiced today, and I quickly swipe at my face in an effort to keep anything from getting on the dress. And then suddenly we’re back to the flurry of questions and squeals and jokes and I find myself spilling the story just like I did to Rachel not that long ago, but this time I don’t just tell how it happened.
This time I tell the story of my mom, and Aunt Sharon, and of everything in me that feels so un-mom-like.
“I just thought I would take care of Aunt Sharon, you know? I owe her everything, and I feel like I’m restarting my whole career after taking two years off to care for her. As much as I’m crazy about Ryder, building a family was the last thing on my mind. I guess I’ve been in survival mode for a while now, and raising a child…I don’t know, I just…I don’t want to repeat my mom’s mistakes, you know?”
I stare at the three sets of eyes all turned my way. I’ll be the first of us to birth a baby, and I can tell I’m not the only one who finds the idea daunting.
“I’m just so unprepared! My mind shies away from everything “baby” right now because it’s so overwhelming.” Talitha and Jenna each take one of my hands, and Talitha rubs my back with her free hand when she answers.
“Everly, all the things that make you scared are the very things that mean you’re already an amazing mother. You’ve never met this child, never held them in your arms, and here you are trying to figure out how to make them safe and give them a family, and that’s exactly what a mother does. She thinks about her baby, and sometimes she’s terrified, and sometimes she worries.” I watch as Talitha straightens up and quirks her lips in humor. “Take it from me. I’ve got four younger siblings and the best mom in the world. You’re going to be just fine.” And with that, she pats me on the leg and then turns her attention to the more immediate problem.
“Now, about this dress. Rachel, you got any favors you can call in?”
Twelve hours later I stand in the bridal suite at the church while a fashion designer makes last-minute adjustments to my gown. It was originally designed to hang straight to the ankle, and somehow my dress now has a slit up the left leg while the fabric is gathered up and shaped to my belly with a cascading effect going down my right side.
There’s no hiding the fact that I’m pregnant, but on the other hand, it looks incredible, like the dress was made for me, which now it kind of is. When all the hair and makeup and everything else in between is finally in place I find myself standing behind the main doors to the sanctuary, my escorting groomsman somewhere nearby and my bouquet in hand. I turn to Rachel.
“What a weekend, huh? First Aunt Sharon with the great news and my little sob fest, then my dress fiasco and spilling the beans to Jenna and Talitha, followed by new mom counselling and more tears. I’m starting to think the pregnancy hormones are doing something to me, because I can’t remember ever crying this much in twenty-four hours. What an emotional roller coaster.” I shift in my heels and glance around the room as I talk until my eyes fall back on Rachel again.
“Is something wrong?” I ask. She stares at me with weirdly big eyes and a tense mouth before answering rather tersely.
“Did I mention that I invited Ryder to come out to the wedding?”
“What?”
“Um, he just texted that he’s here.” She says and then bites her lip and gives me a “don’t freak out” look. For a second, I don’t move, but then slowly I leak the air out of my lungs and drop my eyes to my baby bump.
“How am I going to hid this?”