28. Everly
28
Everly
S tanding outside with tears streaming down my face, I sob for the third time in just over twenty-four hours. It’s got to be the hormones, because seriously, when will it end?!
Staring up at Ryder’s warm eyes, I feel my heart breaking.
“Ryder, I—, “ Somehow I manage to hiccup before I can get more words out, and then I sob even harder. I’ve never done this in front of him. We’ve been vulnerable in bed, but not in other parts of life. He pulls me into his arms, and we stay there swaying gently for several moments until I can find a way to speak, although a fair amount of my words come out in emotional squeaks.
“I’m sorry. This is supposed to be a happy event, and you flew all the way to see me, and it’s the sweetest thing ever. I just feel like such a jerk. Ryder, I’m so sorry.” I raise sorrowful eyes to him, but I feel ashamed of myself and immediately drop them to the grass when I force myself to continue.
“I’ve got something to tell you. I should have told you weeks ago, but I was so scared, and I don’t even know how to say it.” I sputter and feel the panic rising again, so I rush the last of it.
“Ryder, I’m pregnant.”
My voice cracks and I raise my eyes with that last statement, terrified but desperate to know his reaction. He stares down at me with a perplexed look on his face and for a minute doesn’t answer. He just stays there with me, gently pulling loose strands of my hair away from my face and smoothing his fingers down my nape and shoulders. Meanwhile, consternation wells up inside of me. He’s studying my face as much as I’m studying his, and I must have lost my mind, because I repeat the scariest words I’ve ever said in my life.
“Ryder, did you hear me? I said I’m pregnant. I’m pregnant with your baby.”
Still, he stays silent, gently running his hands down my arms, until he nods his head and finally answers in a soft voice.
“Yeah, I know.”
WHAT. THE. FUCK?!
I spring away from him, batting his hands down as I try to piece this together in my mind.
“What do you mean ‘ you know’ ? Did Rachel tell you?!“ His brow furrows mildly as he shakes his head in the negative.
“Then what do you mean!?” The man is so calm. The same man who ghosted me after a one-night stand is sitting here talking about having a baby like he’s talking about the weather. This is literally the most earth-shattering thing that has ever happened to me, and he’s cool as a cucumber. Is that a smirk on his face?
“I just kind of pieced it together,” he says as he shifts his weight and drops his hands to his waist.
What?!
“You didn’t tell me!” I shriek in dismay even as somewhere in the back of my mind I realize that I’ve raised my voice. Then I see a responding fire in his eyes as he answers.
“You didn’t tell me! ”
“I’ve been here panicking about this all on my own!”
“Well, that’s not my fault!”
I’m so mad I can see red, and I turn away from him to stomp off into the grassy yard behind the church as I yell over my shoulder, “I know it’s not your fault! You think I don’t know that?!”
When I get to the edge of the yard, I stand still and just breathe for several moments. I can hear him somewhere behind me, but luckily he lets me have this. When I finally turn around, I feel like such a moron.
“Well… I think I’ve botched my apology.” I mutter grumpily, and I’m mildly gratified when he chuckles. I’m acting like an idiot, but my heart’s too tender, and I’d rather have him laugh at me than be angry.
We stand there staring at each other while I release my anxiety, and then he does something that makes my heart flip over. He opens his long arms wide, nothing but love in his expression, and smiles at me. With every step closer to him, a tiny bit of self-confidence returns, and when I reach him, he wraps me up in a healing hug while his scent does something wonderful to me. At last, I don’t feel so alone anymore.
I savor his embrace and then heave a sigh before speaking.
“Maybe I can do this.”
He rests his cheek on the top of my head and whispers, “I know you can.”
Oh my God!
“Seriously, why are you being so nice to me? Why aren’t you mad?“ I keep my head tucked into his chest, because I may be questioning his support but I’m also not ready to let it go.
”I was mad,“ he quips, and I feel my heart sink. I should have told him sooner. I should have found a way to make it happen.
“I was mad, but I was already in love with you, and all I really need is to be with you. If you’ll let me be the man in your life, we can find a way to work out all the rest.” His words are so full of confidence. In this moment, I’m really not sure I deserve them.
“But what about the baby?” My voice cracks on the last word, and he tilts back far enough to gaze down at my face.
“Everly, I don’t know about you, but I love kids.” I stare at him in wonder, because now I can tell that he’s happy. He’s actually happy about this. It’s written all over his smile and his posture.
“So… are you saying you want a baby with me?”
“Everly, I’ve been trying to tell you that I want it all with you. I’ll take everything you’re willing to give, and that includes children. Just let me love you. Let me be the one you come home to every night. I’ll be your man. I’ll make you laugh, and I’ll hold you when you cry, and I’ll make you pasta anytime you want. We’ll teach our kids how to shoot a basketball and make homemade fireworks together, and we’ll never leave unfinished drinks sitting around the house.”
I huff an amused laugh at that and rest my chin on his chest as I stare up at the most beautiful face in my world.
“I love you, Ryder.” The words come out softly, just like all of the happiness welling up in my heart.
“Yeah?”
I let my eyes sweep over his features and wonder how I could go from broken to soaring in a matter of minutes, but I already know. It’s Ryder. He’s the one. He probably always was, but it took me a little while to figure it out.
“I was right about you, you know?” I quip.
He lowers his face until his nose touches mine in an Eskimo kiss.
“What were you right about?”
“There was no getting away from you.”
He snorts a laugh, and I’m fairly certain his cheeks turn a light shade of pink as he grins at me.
“You’re one to talk,” he teases right back. “You’ve been haunting all my dreams for months. If anything, there’s no getting away from you .”
“Hmmm...” I bring my hands up to his face and hold him close. “Then I suppose I may as well tell you that I’m in love with you, and I’m all yours.” The joy that spreads across his face is unlike anything I’ve seen before. For a moment we stare at each other with grins creasing our cheeks, and then suddenly he grabs me under the arms and swings me up in the air with a whoop.
I gasp with laughter as he saunters around the yard, holding me aloft for several steps before lowering me into strong arms and kissing me like a man given a new lease on life. When he asks if he can touch my tummy, I place his hand to my baby bump and revel in the awe he emits as he sinks down to his knees and raises eyes full of wonder up to me.
“I can’t believe I’m going to be a father.” I stare at him in my own state of wonder as I realize that for the very first time, I feel excited about being a mother, and it’s all because of him.