Chapter 3 Javonte
I’ve been sitting in my car for the past ten minutes, trying to decide if I need to go in early so as not to surprise her too much, or if I should just go in like a regular customer.
I shouldn’t be going in there at all, although I did pay my money like a paying customer should.
Am I coming on too strong?
I’m just here to paint. I’m just here to paint and see her. How is that strong? It’s open to the public.
Your boy is public.
It starts in five minutes, so I get out of my car and make my way into the botanical garden.
It’s gonna be hot today, so I’m glad she has it at 7:00 a.m. Nobody wants to be out here painting in the garden and sweating, but I figure she knows what she’s doing.
I don’t know how she manages the schedule, though. I know she still works in HR at that firm, and she does this just about every day.
There’s a line of women signing in to the event. I don’t even know what we’re painting or how long this is going to be. I just signed up.
“What’s your name?” she asks with her head down.
“It’s down under J,” I tell her.
She looks up, and her eyes meet mine, but her expression is unreadable.
There’s not even a hint of shock or surprise. Just Lily, greeting another customer.
I got some work to do. She used to smile every time she saw me. Now she’s not even trying hard to look right past me.
I find a seat toward the back. I don’t want to block anybody’s view, and I’m tall enough to see over everyone.
We’re painting a garden. Go figure.
She walks up to the front once everyone’s signed in and gives her greeting. It’s a little different from the one she gave at the children’s museum, but the gist is the same. She’s introducing herself and letting us all know that we can all be artists, regardless of skill level.
“Are y’all ready to get started?” she asks.
There’s an enthusiastic yes that reverberates through the space.
I take it in. There are about twenty women here, twenty canvases, and they’re all locked in on Lily, ready to go.
She really does make painting feel easy. Her instructions are clear. Her technique is simple.
And her voice is inviting. She makes you want to try your best.
We’re painting the sky with blue and white paint that we’ve mixed together, which is the entire background.
She’s making her rounds.
I’m trying to focus on my sky, but I follow her with my eyes.
She stops and speaks with a girl with twists in her hair, and they laugh and smile and chat for a bit as the girl works on her sky.
She comes around the back and stops a foot away from me.
I whisper, “Hey, Lily.”
“Javonte,” she replies, with the flattest tone ever.
Then she moves on and starts chatting with an older woman a few seats over.
We move on, and she makes another round. This time, when she’s near me, I tell her, “You’re beautiful.”
She moves on without replying, without a response.
There’s an older woman next to me. She looks like she could be my grandmother. She’s frowning at me.
She shakes her head. “Boy, you not trying hard enough.”
I look at my painting and point at it. “I’m doing really good.”
“That’s not what I’m talking about,” she says, shaking her head. “These young kids don’t know shit.”
I twist and look in her direction, but she just keeps shaking her head and continues painting.
I spend the rest of the class watching the woman that used to love me. I follow every direction, trying to make my painting look just like hers, and this time, when class ends, I wait for everyone to be done talking to her to approach her.
“I miss you.”
She’s folding chairs. She looks at me, nods, and folds another chair, adding it to the stack weighing down her arm. I reach for the chairs, and she jerks her arm away.
“I got it.”
I still. I can’t even touch her?
I start folding chairs, following her down the line, one row over, peeking over easels.
“I mean it. I miss you.”
She walks out of the garden struggling with the chairs, and heads to a van that has Lit with Lily painted on the side.
It’s nice.
“When did you get a van?”
She cuts her eyes at me and starts loading the chairs into the back.
Damn, Lily’s never shut me out like this before.
I add the chairs I gathered and follow her back in.
We continue this dance. Me asking questions, her ignoring me, both of us loading up her van with her tables and chairs.
When it’s all said and done, she stands outside the back of the van with her hands on her hips.
“Why are you here, Javonte?”
Her voice sounds tired and annoyed.
I miss you isn’t working. “You’re staying busy with this, huh?” I wave my hand towards her van.
She crosses her arms over her chest and huffs.
I shift, shoving my hands in my pockets.
“Javonte, what do you want?”
“I want you.”
She rolls her eyes, walks to the front of the van, gets in, and drives away.
She’s really not feeling me anymore at all.
It’s all good. I got time.
I almost didn’t go to the Starting Five meetup at the rooftop restaurant at the AvenueHotel. But I’m not about to sit and wallow. Ain’t nothing to wallow about. I’m going to get my girl, and I can hang out with my boys.
I got this.
I can tell, though, that my energy is off when I walk in because Devon’s loud ass voice is already on my nerves.
I’m not in the mood for his bullshit today. And when I walk in, he’s going to be on some bullshit.
I tighten up and head over to their table.
“Hey,” they all call out. “Javonte is so kind enough to join us.”
Jalen cracks a joke about my last name. He does it all the time. It’s not even funny anymore.
“What up, what up,” I say, trying to put as much energy into it as I can.
“Aw, hell,” Tank says.
I turn to him. “What?”
“Nothing, man. Sit down. We’re hungry. You’re late.”
“Where you been?” Devon asks.
“Trolling the streets? Trying to keep the boys off of that pretty sister of yours?” Jalen adds.
I glare at him.
He’s young, but he’s not young enough to be talking about my sister. “Don’t start that shit,” I tell him through my teeth. “Not even a little bit. It’s not funny.”
The rest of the guys at the table nod in agreement.
“My bad, my bad. I didn’t mean it like that. I just know what a pretty girl does to teenage boys. I’m a grown ass man. I don’t want her. That’s your sister, man. I wouldn’t do that shit.”
“You better not. Don’t even talk about her again. Don’t even think about her again,” I tell him.
“Aw, hell,” Tank repeats.
CJ sits back and watches me, then nods.
“You lose some money, my guy? Bad investment? Your parents again?”
I let out a breath and just stare at him.
“You got another sister or brother somewhere out there? Your dad building a whole other team?” Devon asks.
I’m about to slap him.
“This is about a woman,” Tank says, all-knowing.
A collective “oh” rings out among my friends.
I shouldn’t have come here. Not today.
I haven’t eaten anything today, and this place has the best steak. We’re just going to have to ride it out.
“Is it somebody new?” Devon asks, taking a drink from his beer.
“Now you know you ain’t seen this nigga with no one,” Jalen says. “He’s been quiet, quiet, quiet. I don’t even really think he’s been smashing anybody.”
“Why you worried about what I got going on?” I shoot back.
He throws his hands up. “Whoa, whoa, whoa, Mr. Sensitive. Calm down. You the one coming in here looking like a sad little baby, like you lost your pacifier, like your mama popped your hand. Don’t get on me like that.”
“Just drop it. Let me be.”
CJ adds, “No, we’re gonna get to the bottom of this.
You’re not gonna come in here and bring down the group.
We are on summer break. Off-season is about to hit hard and hit good, and you need to be in the right mindset.
I can’t have you all wound up off-season so you start preseason messed up in the head. What’s wrong with you?”
“Nothing,” I say. “Are we going to eat? I’m really hungry. I haven’t eaten all day.”
“Strike one,” Devon says.
Jalen nods. “Because we know this man eats breakfast, lunch, and dinner twice. You ain’t ate all day? Nah, man.”
“So what’s her name?” Devon asks. “Who is it?”
I scrub my hand down my face and scratch at my beard. I don’t want to do this right now. I look down at my menu.
CJ, sitting to my left, leans in, looking at it with me.
“What’s her name?” he whispers.
“Tell me,” he starts singing.
“It’s Lily, y’all,” I mutter. “Damn. It’s Lily.”
They go silent, and I stiffen and roll my eyes.
“Man, let her go.” CJ shakes his head and huffs. “You fumbled. It’s over. Let it be. Revisiting the past never works out in your favor.”
“Nah, man, that’s just you. You always try to run it back with the same girl when she doesn’t want you, and you have someone right under your nose ready and willing,” Jalen butts in.
Tank smirks and nods. We all see it with CJ and the person he’s supposed to be with, but he’s playing it scared. Always doing his little handshake, and nothing else.
CJ crosses his arms over his chest and sits back in his chair.
“I say go for it,” Devon adds. “You two were good together. You played your ass off when you were with her, and you seemed happy.”
I was happy. For real.
“He’s right, but what’d you do to mess it up? We never got the story. One day you were together. The next you weren’t.” Jalen leans in across from me.
I never told them what happened. I barely understood it myself. Looking at her last text to me last night gave me a little insight, but it’s still fuzzy.
“Someone’s girlfriend said something mean to her at the club around Christmas. I didn’t take it seriously, and she left the club, texted me about it, and never spoke to me again.”
“That’s it?” CJ asks. “You never texted her back? Asked any questions?”
“I didn’t say I put any work into getting her back, did I? I know I messed up.”
Tank clears his throat. “What do you want?”
“Her.”
“Then you gotta own up to how you messed things up. Really figure out what she wanted from you that night and give it to her and more. You can’t just try to weasel your way in. You’re gonna have to be intentional and humble.”
Devon laughs. “Good luck with that.”
“I’m humble.”
They all give me a look.
“I can be humble if I try to.”
Tank levels his eyes at me. “You’re going to have to do everything differently if you really want her back. No one walks away from a life with us over something small. Figure out why it’s a big deal, and do better.”
I stare at him, the wind knocked out of me.
“That’s all good and well for a man who’s kept someone his girlfriend for 15 years, 9 seasons, and 3 kids,” Jalen adds.
“Man, keep my love life out of this. I’m trying to help Javonte. I didn’t ask for any help.”
Jalen nods, and I respect it. We all do.
Tank’s words stay with me. I can’t just keep popping up on her.
I'm going to make things right.