Epilogue Thea
“How are you feeling today?” Doctor Morgan asked me from his desk.
Two months had passed since Matteo had broken in.
As I promised Maverick on the hill, I started seeing a therapist to work out some of the issues from my past. I was diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder and I’ve been seeing Dr. Morgan a few times a week this past month.
“Today, I’m okay. Tomorrow, I will be better,” I repeated the stupid mantra he likes for me to start our meetings with. He smiled at my words.
“And the nightmares?”
“They’re getting fewer and farther between.”
“Good,” he said and scribbled some words onto his notepad. “And you seem to be in a good mood today. No?”
“I am,” I gushed. “I’m planning my first party as Maverick’s old lady and it’s a big deal.”
“That’s exciting. Why is it such a big deal?”
“Because his vice president is getting out on Friday and we are having a special gathering at the clubhouse on Sunday. Members from several chapters will also be in town to celebrate. Jane also said it’s kind of like my coming out party,” I said.
“That is a big deal,” Dr. Morgan agreed. “And how are you and Maverick?”
“We’re great. Still fucking like rabbits,” I said, sheepishly.
“So I take it you told him about your nightmares?”
“No, I haven’t,” I said in honesty. I trusted Dr. Morgan and respected his opinion, but I didn’t agree with him saying that I should tell Maverick about my nightmares.
“I see,” he said. “Why do you think you haven’t told him?”
I couldn’t read his thoughts, but I never could. He was so good at keeping his expressions neutral. That’s what I liked about him. We could talk about my issues and he didn’t seem to judge me or force his opinions on me. He would just listen and sometimes offer me a new perspective to consider.
“Because I don’t want him to worry,'' I said. “He has a lot going on with the club right now, and I don’t want my fears to add to the list.”
“Understandable, but remember what we talked about last session? Trust isn’t a smooth trip down a one-way street, it’s a journey that includes multiple different intersections. In order to fully trust someone, you have to be willing to share the good and the bad, both your goals and your fears.”
“But how do I tell him that nightmares aren’t about Matteo anymore and that they are all about him dying in different gruesome ways,” I asked.
“Maybe you could start by first telling him that you’re worried about him and then move on to the more challenging parts of the conversation.”
I nodded my head in agreement. He had a point, I could tell him that I was worried about him.
A few weeks ago, someone set one of their strip clubs on fire.
No one was hurt, thankfully, but since then, he had been away working much more frequently.
The whole club was on high alert, it seemed like, and I couldn’t help but think about the conversation we had about him not being able to promise that I would always be safe.
It was like there was more there that he wasn’t telling me, but I didn’t know what.
We spent the rest of the session talking about planning for the party, Idris and my goals for next week. I felt more energized than I had in a while, and we also both agreed that we could move our sessions to once a week now.
As I left Dr. Morgan’s office, I saw Maverick parked out front, leaning on his bike. For a moment I stopped and took in the beautiful man before me. He hadn’t noticed me yet and was scrolling on his phone.
I made my way over to him and said, “hey stranger.”
“Hey, baby,” he said as he pulled me in for a kiss. “How did it go today?”
“Good,” I said, smiling. “We both agreed that we think it’s best we move our sessions to weekly. One small step.”
“That’s great, baby. We need to celebrate tonight!”
He mounted his bike and waited for me to get on. As I was about to reach over, I felt a random surge of strength.
“I’m scared,” I exclaimed, putting my hands on my hips. He gave me a strange look as if I just grew a third fucking eye or something.
“Of riding my bike?” He asked with an unsure look in his eyes.
“No dummy,” I huffed. “I’m scared of losing you.”
He let out a breath and stared at me for a moment.
“Okay, and why do you think you’re going to lose me?” He asked as he got off his bike and stood near me.
“Because ever since the fire, you’ve been more distant and working for longer hours, and I get that, I really do.
I guess it’s the not knowing that makes me worry.
I don’t know what we’re up against or if anything.
It could be some random drunk customer or something, but I can’t fight off this nagging feeling that it’s something more, and I’m going to stop rambling now,” I said bashfully.
“It’s always cute when you ramble, babe,” He chuckled and pulled me in. “It is more, but nothing we can’t handle. A club that we hadn’t had issues with for an extremely long time is trying to make a move on our territory. You remember the coke?”
I nodded, and he continued. “That, and the fire was to send a message, but we won against them the last time and we’re even stronger and even bigger now, so we aren’t worried. I just want to make sure that everyone is safe, especially you. That’s my biggest priority. Okay?”
“Okay,” I said. “I do feel better knowing.”
He kissed me again as he pulled me into his chest.
“Good,” he said. “You’re allowed to ask questions. There are some things that I can’t tell you for your own safety, but anything I can tell you, I will.”
“Thanks, babe,” I responded. With that, we both mounted his bike and took off down the road.
As we cruised down the road and a mixture of the New Mexico heat and the soft breeze from his bike wrapped around me, I felt a strange feeling that I had felt once before.
Back then when I felt it, I was in such a place of darkness, but now, as I looked over at the man I loved, I knew exactly what it was and why I felt it.
I didn’t know what was coming for us or what the future had in store, but I did have one thing I could cling to.
Hope.