Chapter 32 Katerina
KATERINA
I splash cold water on my face, trying to wash away the exhaustion.
The bathroom mirror reveals an exhausted woman racked with guilt and fear, exacerbated by too many sleepless nights.
My stomach churns again, and I grip the sink's edge.
I've barely kept anything down for the last week since the showdown at Maksim’s.
The anxiety of almost losing Luca has my body in revolt.
After a few deep breaths, the nausea subsides enough for me to straighten up.
I need to check on Enzo before heading back to Luca's room.
The poor kid hasn’t been allowed to see Luca as I’m afraid it will terrify him more than he is already.
But Enzo isn’t satisfied with hearing his father is simply ill.
He’s been asking questions I don't know how to answer.
Why can't I see Daddy?
Is he going to die?
Are we safe now?
I find him in our temporary bedroom, cross-legged on the bed with his favorite book.
He looks up as I enter.
"Is he awake yet?" Enzo asks immediately.
I sit beside him, smoothing his hair. "Not yet, sweetheart. But the doctors say he's getting stronger."
"You're still sad." It's not a question. At this point, I know it’s a gauge for him to decide how worried he should be about Luca.
"I'm just tired."
Enzo frowns, closing his book. "Are you sick too? I heard you getting sick again."
My heart aches at his worried expression. "My stomach's just upset because there’s been a lot of stress. But everything is going to be okay."
"Can I see him? Please? I'll be really quiet."
The plea in his voice nearly breaks me.
Enzo’s bond with Luca is absolute.
And now, he fears he’s going to lose his father and I’m doing a terrible job alleviating his concerns.
The truth is, I’m not sure what’s going to happen.
Luca has been unconscious for a week.
The doctor says he’s done all he can and now it’s up to Luca.
He says the prognosis is good, but the longer Luca is unconscious, the more concerning it becomes.
"Soon," I promise, though I don't know if it's true. "When he's a little stronger."
I pull Enzo into my arms, his small body warm against mine.
He snuggles close and I wish I could make the world safer and happier for him. “Come on. Let’s get you ready for school.”
I was torn about sending him to school after everything that happened. But it was clear that Enzo needed normalcy in his life. Alessandro upped Enzo’s security even higher than after my brother kidnapped him. Enzo looks like he’s part of a royal family with all the men keeping eyes on him.
Of course, I do too, which makes it hard to do anything private, especially out in the world.
Today, after dropping Enzo off at school, I tell my security that I need to stop at a pharmacy.
Paolo shakes his head. “You can have staff pick up—”
“We’re out now.”
They don’t roll their eyes, but I know they’re annoyed.
Even so, we head to the store.
They start to follow me in, but I can’t have that. “Look, I’m just buying feminine products. I don’t need you for that.”
Luckily, they nod awkwardly, happy to avoid discussion of women’s needs, waiting just outside.
I head down the aisle with tampons and sanitary pads but skip them, going instead to the pregnancy tests.
Yes, at first, I thought my fatigue and nausea were due to stress. But yesterday I realized my period was late.
God, I can’t believe I’m doing this again.
I pay for the test, shoving the bag into my purse, and meet my security detail outside.
When we arrive home, I return to my room and lock the door behind me and take the test into the bathroom.
I follow the directions and place the stick on the counter to wait the few minutes for results.
My mind is a whirl of thoughts and emotions.
I can’t deny some excitement over the idea of being pregnant, but that’s quickly tamped down by everything else.
The danger the Bratva poses.
The uncertain future with Luca.
Will he stay or leave?
My phone timer chimes, startling me.
I take a deep breath and look down.
PREGNANT.
"Oh my God," I whisper, sinking onto the edge of the bathtub.
Pregnant. Again.
I press both my hands over my belly. Another baby growing inside me, conceived in passion just like Enzo was. But this time is different. Seven years ago, I faced this test alone, abandoned and heartbroken.
Now Luca is here…but for how long?
He said he was staying and yet, he told his man he needed forty-eight hours, suggesting he was planning to leave.
Will history repeat itself?
Will I raise another Dante child alone?
I wrap the test in tissue paper and bury it deep in the trash.
I stare at my reflection again, and for a moment, I allow myself to see a future with Luca and Enzo and this new child.
It’s the life he’d once promised me until he’d been forced to abandon me.
I imagine a house somewhere safe, Luca teaching Enzo to throw a ball, me rocking our new baby. Family dinners and vacations. Normal things that families do when they're not caught between warring crime syndicates.
Would Luca want that? A real family? Or would our child be another obligation, another complication in his already complicated life?
When I think of all our time together since his return, I can’t help but feel he wants a family too.
He told me he loved me when he thought he was dying.
But people say all sorts of things in highly scary and emotional moments.
He’s never once said anything about taking me and Enzo with him if he does decide to go.
"Please wake up," I say, as if Luca might somehow hear me from his hospital bed floors away.
What if he doesn't? What if I'm left alone again, raising another child without their father? The universe couldn't be that cruel twice, could it?
I close my eyes and force the thought away.
No. Luca is strong.
Stubborn.
Too stubborn to die from a gunshot by the Bratva. His color is returning, his vitals stabilizing.
The doctor is optimistic.
I have to be too.
I splash more water on my face, willing away the nausea that comes in waves now.
Morning sickness. I remember it well from Enzo.
At least this time I know what to expect.
And Enzo will be thrilled.
He's already asked me more than once for a brother or sister.
Now he'll have one, another person to love.
I dry my face and straighten my shoulders. Whatever happens, I've done this before. I can do it again.
But God, I hope I don't have to.
My heart skips as I approach Luca's door and hear talking.
I pause outside his room, listening with joy as I hear his voice.
Relief floods through me and I’m eager to see him. To hold him. To tell him that I love him too.
“When I can stand again, I’m heading back home.”
I freeze with my hand on the door handle.
“This is your home,” Valentina says.
"My business needs me. I've been gone too long already."
My stomach drops. I press my palm against it instinctively, as though shielding our unborn child from his words.
I pause, wanting to hear more.
"You can't be serious. Your life is here now. Your son is here," Valentina argues.
"She's right," Alessandro says. "You've proven yourself. There's a place for you in New York. In the family."
"The family needs you,” Adriano adds.
My breath holds as I wait for Luca’s response. Surely, he can hear that they’ve accepted him back in the family. He has a place here.
“My business…” Luca starts but doesn’t finish.
"Can be managed remotely," Alessandro cuts in. "Or sold. You've got more important things now."
"It's not that simple," Luca says, his voice fading. "I can't just abandon what I've built."
"And what about what you've built here?" Valentina challenges him. “You’re going to abandon that?”
There’s a long silence, and then Luca says, “"I need to rest."
I wait to hear more, but there isn’t more.
I straighten as realization hits. He's leaving. Again. And Enzo and I are not part of the conversation.
Nothing's changed. How could I have been so stupid? So naive to believe things would be different this time?
I stumble backward as the door swings open, nearly colliding with the wall behind me. Valentina steps out, followed by Alessandro and Adriano, all three freezing when they see me.
"Katerina." Valentina recovers first. "Were you about to come in?"
I nod, unable to find my voice.
"He just fell back asleep," Valentina says. "But I'm sure he'll be pleased to see you when he wakes."
"Of course," I manage.
Alessandro studies me. "Perhaps you can convince him to stay. He seems determined to return to Chicago as soon as he's able."
My heart sinks further.
If Luca had discussed taking me and Enzo with him, Alessandro would have mentioned it or at least hinted at the negotiation.
After all, technically, he and Maksim own me.
The fact that he's asking me to convince Luca to stay confirms my worst fear: Luca is planning to leave us behind again.
"I don't think my opinion matters much in this," I say, hoping that they don’t hear the bitterness I feel.
“Don’t underestimate your influence,” Valentina interjects.
I want to believe her, but the evidence suggests otherwise. The Luca I knew seven years ago left without a thought of taking me with him. The Luca behind that door is making plans to do the same.
"I'll come back later." I can’t stand here and pretend anymore. I can’t live in a fantasy world in which Luca and I are a family.
Alessandro nods, stepping aside to let me pass. As I walk away, I chastise myself for being a fool to think anything would be different this time.
I stumble back to my room in a daze, locking the door behind me before sinking onto the bed.
My hand finds my stomach again. "What am I going to do with you?"
Seven years ago, I convinced myself I didn't need Luca.
I built a life for Enzo and me.
A good one, even within the constraints of my position.
I can do it again.
I have to.
But this time feels different.
This time, Luca knows about Enzo.
This time, we've reconnected in ways that go beyond physical attraction. Or at least, I thought we had.
"Idiot," I mutter to myself, blinking back tears.
I should march right back to that room and tell him exactly what I think of his plans. I should demand answers about why he's leaving without even discussing taking us with him. I should tell him about the baby and watch his face when he realizes what he's walking away from.
I rehearse all the things I want to say to him. The accusations. The questions. The hurt.
How dare you make me fall for you again? How dare you bond with Enzo only to abandon him? How dare you touch me, hold me, make me believe we had a future, when you were planning your escape the whole time?
But would it make a difference? Would it change anything?
The last time I thought Luca loved me, he disappeared without a word. Yes, he was forced out, but he could have made contact with me some way, somehow, and yet he didn’t.
What guarantee do I have that he wouldn't do the same again, even knowing about the new baby? He made his choice clear. Chicago, his empire, his freedom. Not us.
Maybe it's better this way.
A clean break before I tell him about the baby.
Before Enzo gets even more attached.
Who am I kidding? It's already too late for that.
I flop back on the bed. I need to think clearly.
I need a plan that doesn't involve Luca Dante, because clearly, he has plans that don't involve me.