Chapter Four #2
I readjusted on the bed so GJ could join me on top of the sheets.
She stripped down to her briefs and joined me, finding the spot between my legs.
Her weight against me shot through my core; every cell in my body begged for us to move faster, for her to touch the only part of my body she hadn’t touched yet.
She slipped her hands between her torso and my thong, finding my clit through the fabric.
Her movements were gentle and intentional, and wetness pooled where she touched.
Even though I hadn’t thought about GJ in a particularly explicit way before tonight, I was responding to her like she was the only person I’d ever wanted.
My desire for her was uncharted territory, stronger and more intense than any other partner had managed to bring out in me.
I really thought I might explode if she wasn’t inside of me soon. I ever-so-gently bucked my hips against her fingers, encouraging her to take the next step.
“You want something?” GJ asked with a confident smile on her lips.
My heart fluttered at the sight of her—her locs falling over her face, her deep brown eyes carefully taking in every movement I made.
Even though I could tell she was learning my body, she didn’t look at me like she was studying for a test; she looked at me like she was amazed by what my body could do, amazed by how I looked undressed in front of her.
I couldn’t pretend to have patience even if I wanted to. “Please.”
GJ moved my panties to the side. When her fingers touched my bare slit, my body felt like it was on fire with need. My nerves were at their most sensitive; every brush, every movement, was almost overwhelming.
She surprised me by slowly easing her fingers inside of me, initially trying one and then quickly including a second when she realized it could fit. “Is this what you’ve been so impatient for?”
I could tell from her tone that she already knew the answer to that question. I could only softly moan in response, my brain emptied out from how good her hands felt.
GJ moved her fingers in and out of me, taking her time.
Despite the urgency I’d gone into this with, I didn’t mind matching GJ’s pace.
Maybe she was onto something with taking our time.
Sex was hot when it was quick, but it turned out it was also really hot dragged out like this. If anything, it felt even better.
After figuring out what was working on me—not that GJ had to try very hard; I liked everything she was doing with her hands, from the curve of her fingers to how she’d started increasing her speed—we settled into a rhythm. Our bodies moved together, my back arching toward her.
“Oh, GJ,” I moaned, feeling more like an adult film star than I ever had in my life during sex.
I didn’t even feel particularly sexy, like I was putting on a show for her—the moans and pleading and whimpering were coming from deep within me, from a place I didn’t recognize.
I’d never seen this side of myself before, never gotten so lost in the sex I was having before.
I gripped the sheets as GJ thrusted her fingers into me, filling me completely. My eyes squeezed shut, a feeling fluttering through me that was familiar but not like this—not with a partner.
“Oh,” I cried out, so breathless I couldn’t believe I was actually able to get the word out. My orgasm spread through my entire body like a wave. It was new and different having someone there with me to witness it, but I was so caught up in all of it that there wasn’t a moment to be embarrassed.
As the feeling crashed, I was left as nothing more than a puddle. My entire body felt light and ultra-sensitive, GJ’s bed suddenly the safest and coziest spot in the world. I inhaled slowly, my eyes closed.
GJ left kisses on my bare shoulders and neck and joined me on the bed.
“Wow.” I exhaled, mostly to myself, before I could think about the words leaving my lips.
GJ smirked. “Happy to be of service.”
“What, not going to ask me if I finished?” I joked. I was almost relieved that those hadn’t been the first words out of her mouth; I couldn’t remember the last time I’d had sex where someone hadn’t had to ask if I’d had a good time.
“I don’t have to ask.” She responded with so much certainty that I knew the words were true. She fell down onto the pillows next to me. “Is it okay if I touch you?”
“You can do whatever you want to me,” I said and then blushed.
I didn’t mean to be so frank with her. Even if there weren’t feelings involved, I still wanted to come across as cool.
And it was hard to imagine that the effortlessly sexy cool girl would act like that—so suddenly desperate, so unwound—with a one-night stand.
The cool girl probably would’ve left by now, her mission complete.
I flashed back to the girl Kai had brought to the party, wondering if she was a true cool girl, and my stomach swooped.
My therapist would be disappointed in my inability to name how I was feeling, but it also felt too complex to be summed up by just one word.
Disappointed? Betrayed? It wasn’t like Kai had done anything explicitly wrong.
Ghosting was mean, but it wasn’t like she hadn’t been dropping obvious hints as long as we’d been fooling around.
GJ’s eyes danced over my face. “Where’d you go just now?”
“You’re more attentive than I thought you’d be.”
“All I’m hearing is that you’ve thought about how I’d be in bed.”
A laugh escaped me that turned into giggling. My orgasm had made me giddy, and it was annoyingly difficult to hide. “No, I just mean…I’ve seen you with Mags. And I’ve heard the stories. I guess I didn’t imagine you’d be so adept at reading faces. Or that you’d care enough to ask.”
“I mean, I try my best.”
We laid there for a second in silence—my cue. GJ didn’t have to say it for me to know that she was coming up with an excuse to get me to leave.
I sat up and was about to push myself off the bed when I felt a hand on my wrist. “Where are you going?”
I turned to look at GJ over my shoulder. “I’m not about to overstay my welcome.”
“You’re not overstaying anything,” GJ said. Her voice dropped lower, her eyes tracing my naked body. “Come here.”
I looked at her like I was waiting to see if she was fucking with me. I hovered just by the edge of the bed, not getting in.
“If you don’t want to stay, that’s fine, too. But I’m happy to have you here as long as you want.”
My eyes traced her lean muscles, the easy way she was laid out in bed. She still had a sports bra on, her abs tight even though I was pretty sure she wasn’t even flexing right now.
I would be a fucking idiot to leave.
I got right back into bed, GJ’s arms wrapping around me as she kissed me again.
The next morning, Soph stared at me from across the dining hall table with a curious expression on her face. I’d been eating my french toast, mostly oblivious, until it became too difficult to ignore her eyes on me.
“Yes?” I asked after swallowing my bite of food.
“You’re humming.”
My eyebrows furrowed. “I’m what?”
“You’re humming,” she said and then pointed a perfectly manicured finger to the ceiling, “to the dining hall radio.”
“Oh.” I considered her words and then shrugged. “I didn’t realize.”
Soph leaned closer to me from across the table, putting her weight on her arms. “Are you okay? What happened to you?”
I put my fork down, laughing. “What do you mean?”
“Dude, the last time I saw you, you were literally having a meltdown over Kai.”
“Can you not?” I said, dipping my head and looking around as if somehow word was going to get back to Kai from here.
“It’s a bunch of freshmen here, it’s fine.
No one knows who she is,” Soph said, waving her hand.
It was true—the dining halls here tended to be mostly first-year students.
We only came because dining hall passes were cheaper than getting hungover brunch every weekend from nearby restaurants.
We only trusted this place for breakfast food and dessert, but both were admittedly pretty good.
“And, anyway, my point still stands. You were not doing well. You literally had to leave early…” I could practically see the wheels turning behind Soph’s eyes. “You didn’t.”
“What?” I asked, mostly playing dumb. I knew where this was going. Soph was smart enough to put together the pieces.
“GJ walked you home, and I know that look on your face. That’s a post-sex glow,” she said.
When I tried to protest, Soph put up her hand to stop me.
“You can’t argue your way out of this one.
You might be able to lie to your sister, but you definitely can’t lie to me.
” She gave me a look like I was her PR client and she was about to have to spin one hell of a story.
“Leah. You can’t tell me you thought this was a good idea. Have you told Mags?”
I thought back to earlier this morning when I walked back into the apartment.
Mags had been drinking a protein shake and was about to start her five a.m. workout; I was obviously doing a walk of shame with my smudged eyeliner and messy hair.
As soon as she saw me, she made a half-joking, half-snide comment about how I’d been out late.
I was worried she knew I’d gone back with GJ, but all she’d said after that was how she didn’t want to hear about whatever mess I’d gotten myself into now.
It was fair enough of her—she’d earnestly tried for the first few years of college to pick up the pieces after bad dates and heartbreak, but most people tended to get tired after the one-hundredth I really thought this one was different.
“I definitely wouldn’t be here right now if I’d told Mags,” I said, imagining the hours-long battle we’d probably end up in.
I didn’t like to fight, but Mags had a way of bringing it out of me.
The only person more stubborn than her was me when I didn’t want to lose an argument.
“And I’m not planning on telling her because it was a one-time thing and that’s it. ”
“Oh, really?”
“Yes, really,” I insisted. “It’s GJ. Nothing serious is going to happen between the two of us.”
“Because you don’t want it to become anything serious or because it can never be anything serious?”
“Both!”
“Leah.” Soph looked at me skeptically.
“I can do casual. I can handle a one-night stand.”
“I love you, but your track record strongly indicates otherwise,” she said. “You couldn’t even handle being in the same room as Kai last night. I mean, shit, you couldn’t even handle being in the same house.”
“That’s different. Need I remind you, Kai ghosted me.
I wasn’t given any indication around expectations.
If anything, she’d kind of made it sound like she wanted something with me based on the times she’d made casual references to us going somewhere or doing something.
GJ and I, however, actually discussed expectations, and we’re on the same page. Things are clear. Everything is fine.”
That genuinely was true—after going for the world record in most orgasms achieved in one night—a welcome change of pace from my previous experiences—I’d eventually insisted on heading home.
As I was combing my fingers through my sex hair and pulling my clothes back on, we’d given each other a look that was the equivalent of a thank you for your service.
When I told Soph this, she put her head in her hands. “So you didn’t actually talk about it.”
“Emotionally, I’m there. We basically did talk about it. I told her I knew what it was. She knew from the very beginning that I was there to make someone jealous. I just wanted one easy night to get Kai out of my system. We didn’t even exchange numbers or anything.”
“As if you’re not going to see her at games. Or at The 151.”
“And we can just act like nothing happened between us. It’s fine. Really. You can trust me,” I insisted. “The only person here you have to worry about is me, and I am verbally saying to you that it’s fine. I do not have feelings for GJ.”
Soph was quiet, clearly thinking over what to say next. She took a sip of her iced coffee—from the coffee shop down the street; the coffee here was terrible—and looked at me. “Well, was it good?”
I fought off a shy smile. “It was really good. The reviews are true.”
“And did she at least help you get over Kai?”
Last night—and into this morning—it really seemed like it had worked. The sex with GJ was so good that I couldn’t even chalk it up to beginner’s luck or a happy accident or me purely wishing it into existence. She was just that good in bed.
But sex, of course, couldn’t be enough. It could never be that easy.
I sighed. “No,” I said, defeated. “It did not.”