Chapter Eight #2
“Thank god you’re here, I was itching to start the episode.
Teddy is finally making her appearance,” Soph called out when she heard her front door open.
Soph’s house was the place to hang out—she and her roommate loved guests, and Soph was the first person to volunteer to host watch parties of away games.
It wasn’t uncommon for at least one person who wasn’t a roommate to be over at all times.
I loved it; it all felt so warm, from their demeanors to the warm light that washed over the entire apartment.
They had a strict no big light policy that they never strayed from, and there always seemed to be a communal, freshly baked snack either made by Soph or her roommate, depending on how stressful their week was.
It was so different from my apartment with Mags.
It had, of course, been the place she’d picked—all ‘luxury’ amenities and cold, sterile feeling stainless steel.
It was a new build with none of the comfort of Soph’s much more lived-in place.
It made sense Mags liked it; it felt a lot like our parents’ house.
“Hey, Leah,” Diana, Soph’s roommate, called out from her open bedroom door.
“Hey, Di,” I said as I grabbed a cup of ice water from the kitchen. I didn’t bother trying to hide my red-rimmed eyes and puffy face from crying—Soph knew I was upset, and there was no reason to pretend like I wasn’t.
We headed to the living room, where our food was already situated on the coffee table. I could see the steam rising from our bowls from across the room. My mouth watered, a reminder that I hadn’t eaten since I saw my parents earlier in the day, and I hadn’t exactly had much of an appetite then.
As we settled into our usual seats on the floor, Soph looked over at me. “Should I ask now or should I save it for later?”
I sighed a little, not knowing where to even start. “You already heard most of it at the party earlier.”
“I meant more of, does this have anything to do with you very suddenly leaving the party earlier? variety,” Soph clarified.
She started the episode for background noise—we’d both seen the show so many times we just talked through most episodes, anyway—and dug into her food while I tried to think of a response.
“Um,” I offered, the best I could come up with.
“Oh, this is worse than I could’ve possibly imagined.”
“It’s not.”
“Who picked you up from the party?”
“You’re not going to like the answer.”
“I swear to god, if you tell me it was Kai—”
“No,” I said with full confidence and without hesitation.
For the second time that day—including after GJ had made a comment about the ex I’d been trying to make jealous—I realized it’d been at least a few days since Kai had crossed my mind.
Now that they were being brought back up, I was being reminded of how much it sucked to see them at a party with someone else.
But it stung less, and that was something.
“Okay.” Soph dragged the word out, narrowing her eyes at me like she was studying me.
She gestured her fork at my tear-streaked face.
“So, what’s all of this then? I find it hard to believe you left the party without meeting up with someone because one second you were on your phone and the next, you were gone.
You’re surprisingly speedy when you have alcohol in you. ”
“You can’t say anything, okay? I’m being serious. I’ve heard enough from my family today.”
Soph’s expression went deadly serious. “Okay.”
I looked down, not wanting to see her immediate reaction. “It was GJ.”
Soph earnestly gasped. When I looked over at her, her hand had flown to her mouth.
Rather than looking judgmental, she looked earnestly surprised.
“Did you text her or did she text you?” She punched my shoulder.
“I can’t believe you guys have had a thing this whole time and you didn’t tell me!
Maybe you are better with secrets than I thought. ”
“We haven’t had a thing, actually. We hadn’t seen each other, like, alone, since the last time. But I texted her. I don’t know. I was drunk. I’d be more embarrassed, but it worked out so well that I think I have to own it now.”
Soph’s eyes lit up, somehow even more surprised than she had been initially.
“Okay. Wow. I was not expecting that. I know you’d fooled around the other night, but you going out of your way to text her is respectable.
And with a few weeks of not speaking to each other?
It’s bold, Moretti. And she still responded? ”
“I know.”
“As much as I wish you weren’t getting your rocks off with a lesbian super villain, I think I prefer this over hearing about Kai,” she said and then frowned. “But wait—what happened? What’s with the tears?”
“Totally unrelated. Just family bullshit. I actually had a really…nice time with GJ.”
“Crazy way to refer to what had to have been absolutely life-altering sex, but okay.”
I laughed. “No, I mean that genuinely. Like, the sex was really good, but that’s to be assumed. She was also just so…nice. She let me, like, nap in her bed and gave me a shirt to wear. She got me water, too.”
“Oh, wow. She’s really pulling out all the stops,” Soph deadpanned.
“You know what I mean. You’ve heard my dating stories.”
“I will say, I am impressed. Hospitable and welcoming are not exactly words I’d use—or, like, any girl on campus would use—to refer to her, but I’m glad she was nice.” Soph’s eyes glanced over my face, still carefully studying my expression. “It’s just sex, though, right?”
“Yeah, of course.”
Despite my confidence, Soph’s hesitance was written all over her face.
“The only reason I’m letting this pass is that I kind of like that you’re finally off the Kai train.
But my feelings haven’t changed—I don’t actually like GJ for you, but she’s better than Kai.
You can’t actually have a crush on someone like GJ. We’ve talked about this.”
“I know, I know,” I said, waving her off.
“I’ve been normal at games, haven’t I? And I’m not sitting here gushing about how we have some great future together.
It’s casual. It’s a palette cleanser. She’s just…
a break from reality for a second. And a much-needed one with how I acted with my parents earlier.
And I just now bitched at Mags, who is being so annoying and oblivious, which is the icing on the cake of an absolute shit day. ”
Soph offered a sympathetic look. If there was anyone who understood how hard it was to actually say anything to my family of substance, it was her.
She’d heard years of it, seen me navigate the complicated feeling of so badly wanting to be pissed at someone while feeling I couldn’t be.
Our plans of potentially living together had gotten fucked over by my parents’ insistence—and my cowardice—around living with Mags.
Four years and she’d never even met my parents, and it wasn’t for Soph’s lack of trying.
“And I’m assuming the bitching had nothing to do with Mags figuring out you’re fooling around with GJ? Because as much as I’m willing to give this a pass, I’m not sure she will.”
“I don’t think I’d even be here right now if Mags knew.
She’d probably be having some kind of intervention and acting like I’m a child she has to take care of.
” I rolled my eyes. “She pretty explicitly told me she can tell I’m involved with someone, but that she doesn’t want to hear about it, so I’m assuming I’m home free for now. ”
Soph offered an amused smile. “We’ll see how long that attitude lasts for once she figures out what’s going on.”
“If she ever figures out what’s going on,” I said.
Soph looked over at me, knowing I was useless at keeping a secret.
“I promise I’m on my best behavior this time.
It really does feel different when it’s obvious who you’re dealing with.
I’ve been played before, but GJ isn’t playing me.
It’s borderline transactional. I don’t have any feelings about this, and she definitely doesn’t either. ”
I was surprised by how sure I was of my words.
Despite GJ’s kindness, there was a part of me that was still walled off to her.
I knew it wasn’t serious, and I knew it wasn’t going to be anything, so there was no reason to get myself all knotted up.
And knowing that neither of us wanted or expected anything and that GJ wasn’t making assumptions about doing things like randomly calling her to fool around made me feel like I could act however I wanted.
It was nice to have the chance to do something casual and be able to just enjoy spending time together without it having weight to it—at least for now.
Soph nodded, thinking over my words. “I’ve been impressed so far by your behavior. I haven’t gotten even one anxiety-ridden text about a girl in GJ’s Instagram comments. And I’ve only caught you looking her way once during a game so far.”
“Stop.” I laughed. “And that’s probably because that would be about a million girls. Way too many to send texts about.” When Soph gave me a look of genuine fear, I sighed. “That was a joke.”
Soph snorted but still looked skeptical. “Okay, fair.” She gently picked at her food with her fork, clearly thinking about what she wanted to say to me next. “You’re good, though?”
“As good as I can be.” I sighed. “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I think for the first time ever, I’m not in distress about a girl. It’s my family that’s driving me crazy now.”
“I guess I did kind of see this one coming. You’ve been venting to me about Mags for as long as I’ve known you. And I still have some beef with Mags for keeping us from being roommates all these years.”
“I know,” I said, thinking about how I could’ve just been living here this entire time instead of sharing a place with Mags.
I hadn’t even bothered to pitch the idea of me moving out to spend senior year living with Soph to my parents, and I definitely hadn’t brought it up with Mags.
I’d been so scared, so certain that I was going to get bulldozed.
It hadn’t even felt worth the conversation.
Now, I was regretting it. It felt so small at the time, but I could see in retrospect that it set the tone of my senior year. I should’ve been able to live with whoever I wanted to live with, should’ve been able to just tell my family no without worrying about how they’d respond.
I wasn’t even worried about them picking a fight with me; I was worried about the coldness, the dismissiveness.
The look on my mom’s face seemed to always be there whenever I spoke in her general vicinity.
I could tell her I was getting nationally recognized for an award, and she’d make an offhand comment about how I should remember to fix my highlights before it.
And then, worst of all, was how she would always play it off and make me feel stupid for having hurt feelings over it.
But not all hope was yet lost. My parents might’ve won at convincing me to stay roommates with my sister—along with about a million other things. But the one thing I had gotten was having unbelievable sex with one of Mags’s teammates despite all of her years of telling me I never could.
I smiled a little to myself at realizing I’d won at least one battle, even if my family didn’t know.