Chapter Sixteen #2
“Did you get your roots touched up recently?” she asked. My heart sank immediately, knowing that this call wasn’t going to be fixing anything anytime soon.
“How’s the resort?” I asked.
“Beautiful, warm, sunny. Your father is off somewhere doing some kind of activity, scuba diving or something, who knows.” She waved the comment off. “I’m assuming Colorado is cold?”
Mags brought the camera back to herself. “Yeah. Sunny during the day at least. We’re having a snowy season so far, but none of it has been sticking. Kind of a bummer, I could go for a snow day.”
“Not during the season—you need all of the time on the court you can get.”
Mags nodded. “Totally agree. Draft predictions have looked good.”
“Tabloid fodder, just keep focusing on the game. I know you can do it, just don’t fly too close to the sun.”
“Yeah, I know.”
“And what has your sister been up to?”
I resisted rolling my eyes just in case she could still see me.
“Just studying, school stuff,” I said. It was a simplification—I was cheering at games, making it to practices, coordinating a winter volunteer event for the team.
But I knew my mom wasn’t going to be impressed by any of that.
It was all par for the course for her—she not only expected that from us, but wanted more.
And I knew her well enough to know that her asking wasn’t from a place of curiosity but from hoping I’d added something new to my plate that she could brag about.
“Lots of free time, then.” Her tone made it clear it wasn’t a question. “Well, that’s good. Take a breather where you can, I guess. Can’t be go, go, go all the time.”
I took a deep breath, trying to level myself out before I got myself into deeper trouble with my family.
But none of it felt fair—I pushed myself so hard to pad my resume in a way that my parents would approve of, only for them to not approve of any of it.
And then when I took a step back, I was lazy and wasting my time. I didn’t know how to win with them.
“Okay,” I said, the most neutral thing I could come up with in the moment.
Mom closed her eyes and inhaled, visibly agitated. “What now? Did I manage to somehow upset you already?”
“No, I just—“ I stopped myself. No had always been my answer, even when I knew I was upset. All of the times where my parents skipped my dance recitals because of my sister’s travel games, or when my parents would pointingly praise my sister and didn’t say anything to me, I’d just stayed silent.
Sometimes, my parents could tell that I was upset, especially when I was a teenager, and would say something, but they’d do it exactly how they were now, like it was an annoyance rather than something to resolve.
“It just doesn’t feel fair to call it a breather when I’m still doing all of the same extracurriculars I usually do.
I’m busy too, it’s just not D1 basketball. ”
“My schedule’s pretty intensive.” Mags said it like it was an observation, not even with the clear intent of hurting my feelings, just like always. And just like always, it still managed to hurt my feelings.
The threat of tears made my eyes sting. “Not helpful.”
“Mags has always been the one with the busy schedule, nothing to get defensive over. When you’re this good at a sport, it’s like working a full-time job on top of school. And all of those brand deals she does—it’s a lot to stay up on.”
I resisted the urge to make a bitchy comment about how Mags didn’t even usually take on brand deals during the season—basically the entire school year—because it was too difficult to coordinate.
But that was about as far as I was able to go with stopping myself.
“I don’t think that’s fair.” I stood up from the couch, knowing there wasn’t anything else to say. I’d given it another chance to try and have any type of productive conversation, and it hadn’t gotten me anywhere. “I’ll talk to you later. Tell Dad hi for me.”
“Leah—“
I ignored Mags and headed back to my bedroom. My hands shook as I twisted the door handle open. From the living room—basically just steps away—I could hear my mom bitching about me.
“Your sister is just being so difficult right now.”
“I know, but I don’t know if acting this way is going to help anything.”
For the first time, maybe ever, I appreciated Mags doing the best she could when it came to standing up for me. Maybe, somewhere in her, there was the desire to be a good sister.
The conversation about me continued on, muffling as I closed my bedroom door.
I didn’t need to hear the rest of it to know it was most likely going to be my mom bitching about how she didn’t know why I was acting like this, and then eventually switching the conversation over to Mags and basketball.
I wasn’t even worth dwelling on to complain about, never more than a passing thought or feeling compared to Mags.
My eyes stung with unwelcome tears. Typically, this was where I’d call in the big guns—Soph—to bitch to, but she was deep into a do-not-disturb multi-day study session, and I didn’t want to drag her into the middle of my mess right now.
Leah
What are you doing right now?
I put my phone down on my bed and pulled my knees to my chest. I felt like I was thirteen all over again.
The weight of my parents’s disappointment was the heaviest feeling I’d ever had to bear and it never seemed to actually lift.
I’d forget about it sometimes, downplay it sometimes, but it was always there.
I’d think that I’d finally cracked the code and done something to impress them, and it would get immediately overshadowed or downplayed or ignored.
My phone vibrated next to me, and I picked it up immediately.
GJ
Just about to wrap up practice with Ellie, is everything okay?
That was enough to make me actually start crying. I wiped the tears away before they could fall, not wanting to be puffy in case I saw Mags again today.
Leah
It’s my family
GJ
Come over, I’ll be home in no more than twenty
I have premade cookie dough with little christmas trees on them, a comfortable couch, and a big TV
I cracked a smile.
Leah
You do have a comically large TV
GJ
It’s like having my own home movie theater, you laugh but you can’t tell me it’s not superior
I also heard a rumor the temp is gonna be in the single digits tonight, wouldn’t want you to get cold
Not a single thing in the world sounded better.
Leah
Sounds like I need to hurry so I beat the weather
GJ
You definitely do
I threw together a quick bag of things, constructing the story in my head as I did it in case I ran into Mags. Staying at Reese’s. Yes, you probably have met Reese. It’s not my problem that you don’t bother to remember anything about my friends.
Needless to say, by the time I had a bag together and was exiting my room, most of my hurt had transformed into anger.
Mags was still sitting on the couch in the same spot as when I left. When she heard my door open, she immediately turned around like she was waiting for me. “Hey, Mom wished you guys could’ve talked longer. She sounded sorry.”
It was the one thing Mags could’ve said that I wasn’t prepared for. I froze in place. “I mean, I’m glad she sounded sorry, I guess.”
“They’re trying. Can you give them a little bit of a break?
You have to admit you’ve been acting super out of character so far this year—they’re probably not used to it.
” The emphasis on super out of character didn’t slip by me; I knew she was referring to thinking I was revenge flirting with GJ.
It was all so ridiculous and self-centered that it made me mad at her all over again.
“What, me actually standing up for myself?” I readjusted my bag on my shoulder and rolled my eyes. “I’m going to a friend’s house. I’ll see you later.”
“Leah—”
“Bye, Mags,” I said as I headed to the front door to put on my shoes and finally leave.