Chapter 12 #2
“By this time I was squad leader of my group, which meant that I was in charge. Kind of like a chief of a hunting party, I suppose. And right after I became leader, we received a mission. A risky one. Our instructions were to land outside of one of the villages, attempt to subdue the rebels, and use it as an example to the other villagers that things could be solved peaceably.” He laughs, and the sound is hard, bitter.
“Except it didn’t work out that way at all.
They were waiting for us. Maybe they had some sort of scanner that could pick up the frequency of our ship, or maybe they just managed to eyeball it, even though we landed a good day’s hike from their village.
Whatever it was, the moment we set foot on the soil, they attacked.
I ordered my men to take cover anywhere they could—bushes, trees, whatever.
It was a bad call. I guess I was so caught up in the fact that we needed to do this mission that I didn’t stop to think about what I was sending us into.
Uzocar’s not a very green planet. It’s scrubby at best, and there weren’t many places to hide.
Within moments, half my men were slaughtered.
Guys I laughed with, joked with, knew about their families.
Gone in a flash of laser fire. Just…gone.
” He sucks in a ragged breath. “I told the rest of them to retreat, to race back to the ship and we’d get the kef out of there.
Abort mission. Except…the ship that sent us?
The pilot got scared and retreated. Just headed back into space to the transport ship and left us all on the surface to die.
” He closes his eyes. “I see that just as clearly as yesterday. Just that awful, sick feeling when you see your only chance taking off the ground and leaving you behind. My men running for it, hoping that if they get to it in time, maybe they can catch that keffing coward of a pilot. Instead, they just got mowed down.” He rubs his face with a big hand.
“My fault. I should have called an immediate retreat. I watched my men die right in front of me, knowing that I’d killed them with a bad call. ”
“It was not your fault,” I say soothingly.
“Actually, it was.” Mardok’s voice is raw.
“I made the call to land there. Then I told them to go back. Any other leader would have stuck with one decision, but I just sent them running. And I was the one that chose the pilot for the troop ship that day, even though I knew he was a coward. Funny thing, I put him in charge of piloting instead of our regular guy because he was a keffing coward and I didn’t want him to break lines and cause a problem on the ground.
” His mouth pulls up in a hard, angry version of a smile.
“Funny how a decision can haunt you like that.”
“What did you do?” I ask. “How did you escape?”
“I didn’t. Not really.” He pats his discolored side.
“Our entire squad was mowed down. I had a hole blown through my middle and my arm sheared off. I think I also got struck in the head, but I don’t much remember that.
” He touches his temple, and I see a small, silvery scar just below one of his horns.
“They must have thought I was dead, because I woke up half-buried in the pile of bodies they’d left behind on the plains. ”
I shiver, horrified.
“It was night. I remember that. I remember looking up at the stars and smelling the dead. There’s no smell quite like it.
I remember lying there, too weak to move, stuck between the rotting corpses of my friends.
” He closes his eyes and gives a small shake of his head.
“Oddly enough, that wasn’t the worst part about it.
I couldn’t move, but I could look up at the stars.
And as I did, I saw the transport carrier overhead.
They’d kept it low enough to be visible to the naked eye—I guess because of a change in maneuvers—and I remember staring up at it and feeling so abandoned.
I’d been left to die.” He shudders again.
“Took them three days to find me. Still not sure how I lived through it.” He meets my gaze and manages a small smile.
“They patched me up and asked me if I wanted to continue my contract. I didn’t, though.
I bailed out. Got a pension, and I had it set up as a trust for the families of the guys in my squad.
Didn’t seem right that I take the money. ”
I rub his shoulder, hurting for him. “I am so sorry, Mardok.”
His hand covers mine. “I think that’s why I have issues with the thought of being left behind somewhere. It all goes back to that night. The moment I hear a ship taking off without me, I just panic. I think Trakan’s words hit a little too close to home.”
I feel sick to my stomach. He’ll never stay with me, I realize. Not here. Not when it is his worst fear to be left behind. And I am full of sorrow for what he had to go through, but also heartsick for him, because I love him.
I cannot leave him.
If it means choosing between my people and the man I love, the mate I am destined to have, I pick him. I touch his face, gently turning him toward me. “I will go with you when you leave.”
Mardok’s eyes widen in surprise. “You will?” At my nod, his smile fades. “I didn’t tell you my sad story to try and push you into the decision, Farli. I just wanted you to understand that…sometimes my head isn’t in a good place.”
“I know this,” I tell him soothingly. I slide around and move into his lap, keeping my arms around his neck.
I press my forehead to his, our horns interlocking.
“I would not make you stay behind, not if it means hurting your spirit. Not when you do not like it here. I can go with you. See the worlds like you have promised.”
“You want to?”
I cup his face in my hands. “More than anything, I want to be at your side. It is where I belong.” I will not think about what I lose if I leave—my family, my tribe, my pet, the life I have known—I will weep for those things another time. For now, I am with Mardok, and he needs my love.
“Gods, I love you, Farli,” he murmurs, his gaze searching my face. “You’re sure?”
“I am sure.”
He leans forward, and his mouth captures mine in a hungry kiss.
I eagerly return it, pressing my body against him as our mouths meld.
There is nothing for me here if Mardok leaves.
Without him, I will be lost, and I suspect he will be, too.
This way, we are together forever. Hungry for him, I lick at his mouth, and he groans and holds me tighter, stroking his tongue against mine.
The kissing soon becomes hot and fierce, and I am panting between each crash of our mouths together.
I pull away briefly, though it is difficult.
I want nothing more than to kiss him for endless hours, until the moons fade and the suns return.
I could spend a lifetime kissing his perfect, wonderful mouth.
And I will. But for now… “Are you hungry? Do you wish to eat?”
He nips at my mouth, sending shivers through my body. “Only hungry for one thing—you.”
Such bold words make my skin tingle. My khui—already singing proudly—grows louder by the moment, the song filling my heart and my spirit as we mouth-mate once more.
We somehow end up with my back on the metal floor of the ship, and Mardok’s weight is pressing over me.
It feels right, the crush of his hips, the feel of his chest against mine.
The only thing that is missing is the matching song of his khui.
A tiny bolt of sadness shoots through me, and I push it away.
I have my mate. Nothing else matters. We are still together even if we are not bound by khui or resonance. We choose to be together. Nothing more is needed.
I gasp when he slides his hand inside the front of my tunic, cupping my teat.
Every time he touches me, it feels new. We have mouth-mated and pleasured each other in the furs, but he has never put his cock inside me.
We always stop before; sometimes he spills on my belly, and sometimes he spills in my mouth.
I enjoy it, but…I want more. “Tonight,” I tell him between fierce kisses.
“Tonight, I want to belong to you completely. I want you to come inside me.”
“Won’t there be a baby?” He searches my face, caressing my cheek. “I didn’t want to make you pregnant if I was going to leave you behind, but if we are staying together…”
“Then you can come inside me.”
“There are ways to prevent children, if you want,” he says softly. “A plasfilm worn over the cock, or a shot of medication. Both can stop it from happening.”
“Resonance sometimes takes days before a kit is conceived. It might not happen tonight. And if I leave with you…” It might not happen at all. I cannot help but ask. “Do you not want a kit?”
“Actually, I do.” A grin breaks across his face. “The thought of you with my child inside you? Nothing brings me greater joy. But it’s about what you want, Farli. It’s your body.”
I smile happily, because it is what I want, too. “I would love to make a family.”
“So no plasfilm?”
The thought is unpleasant. “I want nothing between us when we mate.”
The look in his eyes grows fierce. “Me either. You’re mine, and I want to claim you in all ways.
I have since the moment I met you.” He presses another fierce kiss to my mouth, then begins to move down my neck.
His fingers tease my nipple, dragging over it and tormenting me with every brush of his skin against mine.
“More,” I beg him. I tug at the seam of his heavy, thick tunic, wanting to get to the warm skin underneath. “Do you need furs? I want to be naked with you.”
He shakes his head, his mouth licking a trail down to my teat. I push open his tunic, and I feel his entire body shiver in response. I am not sure if he is reacting to the cold or my touch, but it is enough to make me stop. “Mardok.”