Chapter 1 #2
I can remember the first dvisti I killed, and the first time my father took me hunting. I remember my sister’s birth and what a squalling, strange thing she was. I remember how my first taste of sah-sah burned the tongue. But I do not remember the humans.
I am told that they came to our world on a strange black cave, not unlike the Elders’ Cave.
That Vektal mated with the curly-haired one, and she brought him to the others.
Now, everyone else in the tribe has mated one.
Several have young, and at all times, there is the sound of a kit wailing in distress.
And I am one of the ones that is mated.
The strangeness of it curls in my belly and makes me sick. Not that I am mated to a human, but that I cannot remember it at all. The humans have been here for three seasons—two bitter, one brutal. Long enough for the human that is ‘mine’ to bear my kit. They are a welcome, happy part of the tribe.
How can I not know of this? How can my mind betray me so?
I scan the smaller forms huddled near the fire and see two humans talking.
The one they say is my mate has a flat face with no bumps, a very tiny nose, and no horns.
Her mane is a strange furry brown. Other than that, I remember nothing about her.
Normally I recognize her amongst the tribe because she carries her kit—our kit—on her back in a strange pack.
I do not see a human wearing that today, so I squint at the females by the fire.
Not the small one—the other. It is Stay-see. The one that is my mate.
Was my mate.
She is pressing something between rocks and talking to the tiny one who waves her hands and speaks angrily.
They seem strange to me, with their pasty pale coloring, lack of horns, and small build.
If I were to stand next to Stay-see, she would not come to my shoulder.
She bends over to pick something up, and there is no tail, a sight I find unnerving.
The other female says something, and then they both look over at me.
I busy myself with my spear again, not wanting to be caught staring.
I have tried talking to Stay-see a few times since I awoke in the healer’s tent, but each time it goes badly.
It always ends with her weeping and running away, and I do not wish that today.
Perhaps her tears should upset me more than they do.
They upset me, but only because when she cries, I feel confusion.
I do not like to cause distress in another.
I want to comfort her, but I have no words of comfort to give.
“Are you sure they will let you out of the camp with that, brother?” Salukh drops to the ground next to me, crossing his legs. He pulls out his favorite sharpening stone and his knife, and begins to scrape it. “If Mother sees it, I am sure she will come running.”
I snort. My mother has been coddling me as if I were a fussy kit and not a grown hunter. “It is a spear. Surely they cannot stop me from making weapons if I am not allowed on the hunt.”
“I suspect you will be allowed soon,” my brother says.
“All hands are needed to gather food.” He scrapes his stone along his knife, unruffled.
Salukh is always calm. Always possessed.
He does not look as if worries over mates and the brutal season ever cross his mind, though I know he has a human mate now, too, and her belly is big with kit.
“I am tired of lying about, doing nothing. I am glad to be out of the furs.”
“I am glad you are out, too.” My brother gives his knife a long scrape and then offers the sharpener to me. “How is your head?”
I take it from him and run it along the sides of my spear-head, even though it is already sharp. “It does not hurt today.”
“A good thing. And your memory?”
I shake my head. “Same.”
“Mmm. It will return. How is Stay-see? Tee-fah-nee says she cries much.”
I shrug, and the unhappy feeling returns to my gut. “We do not speak today. She is busy, and I have much to do.”
My brother is silent. I know if I look over, I will see his look of disapproval.
I continue to sharpen the spear-head, and then add, “When I talk to her, it upsets her. I am trying not to upset her.”
He grunts. After a moment, he adds, “She cares for you very much.”
“I know.” I do not offer more than that.
“And you remember nothing of your resonance?”
“Nothing.” I hand him back the whetstone.
Salukh has a pitying look on his face. “Your khui was one of the first to sing to the humans. I remember being envious of your happiness. You smiled so much in those days, brother.”
“Why are you telling me this?” There is edge to my voice.
He puts a hand to my shoulder and squeezes it. “I am glad I did not lose you in the cave-in, but…I would like for you to smile again. Stay-see, as well.”
I flick his hand off my shoulder. It feels like judgment. Does he think I do not want to remember? A mate is the greatest thing a hunter can hope to acquire, and mine cannot look upon me without weeping. “You think I do not wish these things?”
Salukh sighs. “I know you do.” He claps my shoulder again and then gets to his feet.
He leaves, and I am alone with my thoughts and a spear with a point so sharp and thin that it will likely shatter when thrown.
I toss it aside in disgust. Just another thing I cannot seem to do right lately.
Maybe I should do more. Talk to Stay-see and try to convince her to stop crying.
Gaze at my son and see if his face stirs my memories.
I glance over at the fire again. Stay-see is gone, along with her friend.
Perhaps it is for the best. My mood is dark and I would just make her weep again.
Hassen and one of the yellow-haired human females return to the tribe that afternoon, speaking of a strange encampment in a new canyon.
The area they describe is deep in metlak territory, which worries me, but it is large enough to house all of my people.
I watch my chief as I eat my watery soup around the fire with the others.
I have seen the worry on Vektal’s face, and I know we are in danger.
The cold tang of the brutal season is in the air, and we are in the open, in tents.
The humans look frail and wear many furs, and they will not be able to withstand the chill of the brutal season. They must be protected.
Some are excited at the prospect of a new encampment, though I think we all worry that it is not protected like our cave.
We gather near the fire, waiting for our chief to tell us what will happen.
I glance over at Stay-see as I eat, but she is pointedly ignoring me, her focus on the kit in her arms. She lifts one side of her tunic and tucks him underneath to nurse, and I find myself curious what she looks like without her leathers.
Why do I not remember even that?
Vektal gets to his feet, gazing into the bonfire. The tribe hushes, the evening growing still. Everyone watches him, waiting.
“This has been a difficult time for us,” he begins, voice grave.
“Never have our people been cast out from their home by an earth-shake. We have lost everything we owned, our memories there, and even some of our tribesmates.” He looks over at Warrek, whose eyes shine with tears.
“Since that day, we have been searching for a new home. But the South Caves are gone. The Elders’ Cave is unfit to live in.
And Taushen, Raahosh, and Leezh have said that the great salt water is too high and covering the caves.
We are low on options. We can split up for the brutal season and each family take a hunter cave. ”
I tense at the thought. Would I go with my father and mother, or would I go with Stay-see, who does not look at me? Who cries whenever I am near? The thought is worrying. I will care for her and the kit, of course, but I do not know how she will feel, and the brutal season is long.
“I have thought about this,” Vektal continues, “And I do not feel it is the right way to go. We are strongest when we are together, and therefore, we must stay together. All of us. One kill can feed many mouths, and we ensure that all will be fed through the brutal season when we have many hunters to provide for the tribe. So, I will take two of my fastest hunters with me and we shall investigate Hassen’s new place.
We will make sure it is safe to bring our families to such a place, and then we will all go together.
It will not be an easy journey, but if it is as safe and peaceful as it sounds, it will be a good place to stay. ”
A low murmur sweeps through the tribe. I see several people nodding approval. I agree. The thought of spending the brutal season split apart from each other is a lonely one. Our tribe is close-knit. There is no way we would do well spread apart.
Raahosh speaks up. “It is a good plan. Let me go with you, my chief, to investigate this new place.”
Vektal nods. “Hassen will guide us. It took him several days to journey there with Mah-dee, but with fast hunters, we can run for very long distances without tiring, and make it there and back quickly. I would like for Harrec to go, as well. He is swift on his feet.”
Eh? Harrec? I am twice as fast as he is.
I jump up. “I wish to go, my chief. I am fast. You know I am.” I also need to prove myself once more—not just to my tribe, but to my own mind.
That I am not as broken as everyone thinks I am.
Also, I want time away from Stay-see and her sad, accusing looks. I do not say this aloud, though.
It grows silent once more.
Vektal crosses his arms, frowning at me. “You are newly healed, Pashov.”
“I feel fine.” I do not look over at Stay-see. I cannot. But I must do something. I am restless and unhappy around camp. “Let Maylak put her hands on me. She will see I am well.”
Vektal gazes at me for a long moment, and then shakes his head. “You will stay. If the healer says you are well enough, you can hunt for the tribe.”
I sit down again, frustrated.
At my side, Salukh nudges me. “Give yourself time, my brother. We will all be going there soon enough.”
He is right. I do not like it, but he is right. I nod.
“We will leave in the morning,” Vektal says. “Until then, pack everything you can. We will need sleds to carry our gear and for the pregnant females to ride upon when they get tired. Make no mistake, it will be a difficult journey, but I think we will find our home at the end of it.”
Vektal’s human mate breaks into a smile, showing her square white teeth. It makes me think of my human mate. I glance over at Stay-see. She is not smiling. Her gaze meets mine, and she stares at me long and hard, and then looks away.
It is almost like she knows I wanted to escape, and it fills me with guilt.