Chapter 18 In-Between
In-Between
“Barbie, where are you?”
I’m five years old and Robin and I are playing hide-and-seek. It’s my favorite game. We play almost every day before I go to sleep.
I hate bedtime, so I tell Robin I’ll only go to sleep if she can find me. This is our routine.
Robin uses her birds. It’s not fair.
Still, it’s fun.
Tonight, I’m hiding behind the line of suits of armor in one of the hallways. I giggle as Robin gets close, making the metal clatter.
Something lands on my shoulder, and I almost scream.
“Bad bird!” I say, reaching out to softly pinch its beak between my fingers before it can shriek and alert Robin.
It fights my hold, eyes narrowing at me.
I narrow my eyes back.
Suddenly, the knight in front of me calls out, “She’s over here.
” He steps to the side, revealing my carefully selected hiding spot.
I roll my eyes, forgetting that Robin controls everything in this castle.
I stomp out from my spot, right before the knight steps back into place, then stiffens again.
“Again! Please!”
Before waiting for an answer, I turn around to run. I take off down the hall, then look over my shoulder for Robin, trying to make sure she hasn’t followed.
I’m not watching where I’m going anymore. I don’t even realize I’ve reached the staircase until it’s too late. I scream as the step gives out, as I fly forward.
Before I fall, Robin catches my wrist, pulling me toward her, away from certain danger.
Robin is here now, in this in-between. Her hand is on my wrist, pulling me back to her, trying to save me as she did when I was little.
I run my eyes over her hastily; after my fears that she might have gotten hurt searching for me, I almost crumble with relief to find her unscathed.
But while she appears whole, she looks far from well: Her face is hollowed out, as though she hasn’t slept a moment.
Her eyes are red-rimmed, purple smudges bright beneath them.
Her hair looks unkempt and straggly, a far cry from its typically perfect chignon.
Guilt runs icy rivers through my chest. I did this to her…
“You need to press the necklaces together, with all the charms, and come home,” she says quickly, as though we don’t have much time.
Home? I frown as I finger the charms, noting that Lord Evernight’s crown has already shrunk to join the others on my silver chain. “Why? I’m so close.”
She looks at me as though I’ve sprouted another head. “Barbie, haven’t you learned by now? It’s too dangerous! Something—something will happen to you!”
My heart swells because it’s clear. She cares about me just as a mother would.
But this isn’t a near fall down a set of stairs that I’m helpless to stop. Several things have already happened to me. But somehow… I’ve gotten through them.
And I’m not a child anymore.
“I’m sorry, Robin, but I’m almost there. I have to see this through.” I hold her gaze, my eyes pleading. “I know you’ve always just tried to keep me safe. I realize even more now how much you’ve protected me. But I have to do this.”
Robin shakes her head, frustrated, looking around. That’s when I see that the shooting stars that were once streaming by have frozen, as if she’s kept me in this in-between.
Now they’re inching forward again. It seems even her magic can’t hold me here for long. “You have no idea what’s out there. You’ll get hurt.”
“I’ve survived this long,” I say.
“That doesn’t mean anything! All it takes is one mistake, and—”
“You don’t believe in me,” I say softly, realizing it all at once. My eyes prickle.
She frowns. “That’s not what I’m saying, Barbie, I—”
“That’s exactly what you’re saying,” I say, trying to wrench my hand away. But she tightens her hold. “You don’t think I can do this. Even after I’ve already almost made it.”
“That’s not true. I know how capable you are. You’re strong, Barbie, but—”
“How do you know how strong I can be if you’ve never let me try?”
She frowns. “I—”
“No.” I cut her off. “How will I ever know my own strength if it’s never been tested? How was I ever supposed to grow behind thick stone walls and pink mists?”
Robin bristles. Shock and hurt are clear on her face. I don’t want to disappoint her. I don’t want to make her upset. But my entire life, I’ve always done everything for her. For her love. For her approval. I’ve been everything I thought she wanted me to be.
“Barbie,” she says, her voice breaking, “all I’ve ever done is try to protect you.”
The stars are racing again, so fast they’re smears of color now. The shadows beyond are now melting into a fully formed land. I’m almost there. “And you’ve done a great job,” I tell her. “But now… it’s time to see how far I can go on my own.”
At last, I free myself from her grasp—and then I’m streaking across the velvet onyx, like just another shooting star.