2. Griffin
Griffin
“To burn with desire and keep quiet about it is the greatest punishment we can bring on ourselves.” – Federico García Lorca
H er whole body freezes—the cup she’s passing to a customer hanging halfway in midair—while her eyes slowly, so very slowly, lift up to the sound of my voice and I feel like I’m back at training camp when one of the guys punched me in the stomach so hard I saw stars.
And the sunrise, and the fire burning, and the birds flying freely across the blue, carefree skies.
I am seeing the stars again, only this time they are sparkling green, like the grass in the morning light. The early rays of sunshine glinting off the beads of clear dew.
I haven’t seen those fairy-like eyes in so long, I almost forgot how powerful they are. I almost forgot how warm and shiny every strand of her fiery hair is—like pure sunshine.
Almost. But not quite.
But everything else is different… From those more prominent curves to the air of adulthood around her.
When did Callum’s little sister stop being…well, little.
“Griffin?” she asks, her voice barely audible over the coffee shop chatter—or maybe it’s because my head is too busy buzzing with thoughts I shouldn’t be having. “Is that you?” Those pretty green eyes flare. Growing bigger and wider as recognition sets in them.
“Yeah, it’s—” The words come out a little scratchy, so I clear my throat as one of my hands rubbed the back of my neck. It’s a nervous habit I thought I got rid of but here we are. “It’s me.”
A second.
A blink and this small ball of fire is running toward the end of the counter and then straight at me, launching herself at me, and without hesitation—or any sane thought—I catch her, as my best friend’s little sister wraps both her bare legs around my waist, nearly tackling me to the ground, and my hands land on her perfectly curvy ass.
I don’t have a single moment to brace myself for the onslaught of memories that wash over me.
Dear Lord…please, don’t let it happen. Don’t let it happen.
But do you think my dick cares for any of these prayers? Fuck no, he’s become an atheist right here and fucking now and there’s not much I can do to hide the effect Julie has on me in these sweatpants.
Note to self, never wear sweatpants again .
And since I’m already on this train to hell, I decide to purchase a VIP experience and press her harder into my body, her tits crushing into my chest. And I stifle a groan.
Of course, this child of the wild isn’t wearing a bra. Why would she?
Is it hot in here? Why does my head feel dizzy? I’m not fifteen anymore. I’m not supposed to have reactions like this to a female body pressed against mine.
Only, this isn’t just any female body now, is it?
My eyes close as my nose burrows deeper into her wild mane of flaming hair, inhaling a lungful of her. Lungful of that early summer with a slight tart aftertaste.
Her. It’s so her. Just like the valley of the wildflowers she loves so much and the cherry pie. She always loved the cherry pie.
“Oh, sweet daisies, it is you!” Julie pushes away just enough to look at my face again.
I snatch that moment to greedily take in all the changes on hers.
But my breath gets caught somewhere in my gut when I see the familiar freckles speckled in a random pattern over her nose and cheeks.
Her skin is free from any makeup just like it always was.
And her smile…that usual, bright smile is replaced by one of disbelief and shock but also warmth.
The kind that seeps so deep into your bones, it can ward off any chill.
I’ve missed that smile.
God, I suddenly feel like I lived the last decade and a half in the dead of night, missing out on the sunshine and all the good there is in this world.
Damn it, I’ve missed it so much. I wasn’t supposed to.
I couldn’t. But I did. Just like I stole glances at the sunrise because glances were okay… They were all I could have.
I’m not sure how long we’ve already been standing here in the middle of a busy coffee shop, but just as that thought crosses my mind it must also register in hers, because she widens her eyes, rolling those plush lips between her teeth and quietly says “Oops” as she slides off me.
Instantly, I feel the loss of her. I feel cold and empty, even though she’s standing not one foot away from me.
Just for a moment, when I had her in my arms, I didn’t feel the crushing pain of my mistakes.
I didn’t feel each and every failure in my life, crowding me like a storm cloud and the realization was enough to make my head spin anew.
“What are you doing here? I thought you were off fighting all the bad guys? Are you visiting your parents?”
“Um…” I clear my throat—and thoughts—again. “No, not visiting. I’m back.” And the bad guys won…no more fighting for me, but I kept that to myself.
“Permanently?” Her perfectly arched eyebrows shoot up.
“Yeah, moving back for good,” I confirm, seeing the shock on her face grow. I know why she’s so confused. Callum, Luke, and I spent every teenage year planning our escape from Loverly Cave, and when the time came, we couldn’t run fast enough.
Only, I realized too late that I was running in the wrong direction. And against the wind.
“Oh, well, that’s great then. I bet Izzy and Andrew are over the moon.”
“Understatement of the year.” I roll my eyes playfully, making Julie chuckle softly and as if she wasn’t already making my insides swim, the sound shot straight through my chest. God, I’m probably the most pathetic thirty-four-year-old right about now.
I shouldn’t be feeling like this. Not about Julie Lovinski—or anyone else for that matter. And I haven’t. For many years, I haven’t felt a shred of desire for another person.
Not since I left here. This wasn’t supposed to happen. It can’t. I’m not supposed to have those thoughts about my best friend’s little sister.
“Well, I could say give them some time, they’ll get that excitement out of their system, but we both know it’s a lie.”
Ain’t that the truth? I laughed softly.
“Yeah, that’s okay though. I owe them for all these years.” Ain’t that the truth. Again . “How’ve you been?” I ask a seemingly normal question, yet for some reason a sense of unease and discomfort creeped under my skin.
These are innocent questions, an innocent conversation…yet it feels wrong. Plastic. A word I’d never associate with Julie.
“Oh, great! Enjoying life, running my shop.” She twirls her little finger around us and if I wasn’t so stunned, I’d say something.
Alas, she continues. “I planted new varieties of tomatoes earlier this month, so I can’t wait to see how those turn out.
I’m also on Peace Car duty later this week so that will be fun. ”
“Peace Car duty,” I muse. Somehow that is the one piece that makes the most sense to me.
Well, it all does, if I’m being honest. Everything she just mentioned sounds like Birdy.
But Peace Car duty is a new addition from what I’m used to.
I can’t help the smile on my face because if there’s anything more Julie-like, it’s those silly therapy cars.
“I should’ve known better that you’d never move out of Loverly Cave. ”
“Move away?” she asks, affronted. “Why would I ever?”
“I thought you might’ve when I didn’t see you at the square for the workout, but that was stupid of me.”
“You went to the workout?” She stares at me, her plush, strawberry lips parted.
Okay, yes, I agree. It must be the most out of character thing for me to do, so I understand her palpable shock.
“Yes…well…no. Kind of? I was there but I wasn’t there.” Am I rambling? Since when do I ramble?
“Like Casper?” Julie twists her head to a side.
I open and close my mouth like a fish. Her answer catches me off-guard but not in a bad way. In fact, it makes me giddy.
Jesus… giddy . I used the word giddy . But I am, because that is once again such a Julie thing to say, and it brings comfort to my soul. A sense of home and warmth.
“Casper?” I arch my eyebrows, amused at her cute, lost expression.
“You know, the ghost?” She flails her hands around as if he’s flying over here.
“Nope, it was more along the lines of a cheap spy movie. I wanted to see everyone without them seeing me.”
“Ah.” She nods in understanding. “Afraid they’d descend on you like a pack of hungry wolves?” One side of her mouth quirks up, and isn’t that just the cutest thing ever?
“Yep, and I’m not even ashamed of admitting that.”
“I don’t blame you.” She shakes her head. “But you know, you won’t be able to hide from them forever. You are the first of the three lost sons to return home.”
A simple thought of everyone asking me questions, digging through my messed-up life has a cold shiver break over my back. Julie must sense something is off, because suddenly she’s just a breath away, her face in a mask of genuine concern, her small hand on my forearm.
My eyes fall to the place where she was touching me, and for reasons unknown to me, I open my mouth.
“I know. I’m just not ready for them to see that not much has changed since I was eighteen.
I’m still the same old screw-up I was back then.
” I feel heat covering my cheeks and try to glance away, but she doesn’t let me.
Julie’s face grows serious but soft. “You were never a screw up, Griff. Never,” she says with such conviction as if she really never believed it.
That something that wasn’t supposed to crack in my chest, let out a few more painful groans. Like an old chest that was left alone and forgotten for many years. Its hinges rusty, and just standing in her presence was oiling them or maybe simply cracking wide open.
The sad expression vanishes from her face, replaced by an understanding smile.
“But it’s okay, take all the time you need, and if anyone asks me if that was really you here today, I’ll them it was your clone.
And they’ll totally believe it too.” She’s nodding her head like she’s the one who’d believe it.
A small laugh bubbles out of me. “I will highly appreciate that.”
Suddenly, it weighs on me. All the inquiring eyes and listening ears. But none more than the groaning cracks inside my chest.
“Well, I won’t keep you—” I start but before I have a chance to finish the sentence, a huge mountain of a man barges in like a storm, and Julie is swept off her feet right in front of my eyes.
“Julie Bean!” the guy shouts, and I realize it’s the Viking dude. The one I saw leading the workout earlier. “I missed you this morning.” He hugs her tightly and she giggles into his neck.
Forget the cracks. The lid I kept under lock and key fucking bursts open, releasing every memory, every thought, dream, fear, and hope out in the open.
The air around me no longer smells like cherries but is full of bitter reality.
She isn’t my little J anymore.
She never was.
Sixteen years hasn’t change the fact that I’m not who she needed.
Fuck. I need to get out of here, what was I thinking? I shouldn’t have stayed in town this long. Coming back was stupid… But, no matter how much I pretend and lie to myself, the truth hasn’t changed. I came back for her. But it’s too late.
It’s always fucking too late or too soon or too forbidden when it comes to Julie Birdy Lovinski.
Without a second glance, I turn around and flee, because I’m afraid of the damage I might’ve done if I had looked. I might not be as huge as the Viking dude, but I knew plenty of ways to kill someone and each one seems all too sweet right at this moment.