7. Griffin #3
“No one thought that ,” I cut her off, the protest rushing out of me before she has a chance to finish her thought, but Julie just shakes her head slightly.
“They did.” I open my mouth to protest again but the look she spares me shuts me up. “It’s okay, though. People can think whatever they want. In truth, it never bothered me.”
“It didn’t?” How could it not? Some of the things kids used to call her back then were cruel. So, so cruel, yet Julie harbors no ill will?
“No.” She shrugs. “Why would it? I live my life for myself, carving out my own path in unity with the universe. Most of those people left LC as soon as they could anyway. And all the rest eventually stopped. They found their way and mine was no longer so strange to them.”
“Is that why you’re now dating Owen?” I ask, unable to hold the question inside any longer and as soon as the words fall from my lips her eyes widen.
“Y-you heard about that?”
I nod, humming.
“I wouldn’t say we are dating, but we’ve been on a few dates.” Julie tucks a wayward strand of her copper hair behind her ear.
I take a deep breath, stalling for a second to push away the rage because it doesn’t matter. It’s my crap to deal with, not hers. It’s not her fault I came home after nearly two decades and decided I no longer wanted to be eggs.
Fucking Jacob and his ham bullshit.
“Is he good to you?” I ask the only thing that matters.
“Yeah, yeah he is.” I nod again.
“Good. So why a coffee shop?” I desperately need to change the subject. “I always assumed you’d be into something like fashion or sewing. I remember seeing you sketching something on that pad of yours.”
Julie stares at me—unblinking—like she can’t believe I’d remember something like that.
In truth, I wasn’t aware I remembered it all but as soon as I saw her a week ago, it’s as if every tiny detail I tried so hard to push out of my mind came rushing back in.
As if it was simply kept in a hidden compartment inside my brain for safekeeping instead of vacating the premises and now set free to torment me once more.
“Um, I loved sewing, but it wasn’t my greatest passion in life, and I absolutely refuse to ever do something that doesn’t bring a smile to my face, fill me with inexplicable joy and make me jump out of bed every morning. It’s never mattered how much I make or how hard I have to work to do the job.”
Julie is speaking toward the ocean, but my eyes are locked on this perfect little fairy. How can so much wisdom and beauty be packed into one tiny person? And why was I so stupid to run away from her…to waste my chance?
She must sense my staring, because she turns her head slightly and when our gazes meet…a small shudder runs over her body, and something tells me it’s not from the cold weather because the same one just wrecked through my own.
We are locked in loud silence until Julie clears her throat.
“Life is not about the easy choices—it’s about the right one.
The ones that call out to your soul and make it sing.
My love for gardening slowly grew into more.
I started researching unique plants and their health benefits, and yeah.
You should do what feels right to you, Griff. ”
What feels right …
She feels right She has always felt right.
I’ve been running away from myself, from who I was, what I enjoyed and loved. I’ve been searching and searching aimlessly for years, pretending I didn’t already have all the answers. Trying to forget that she was the only one who ever felt right. Not normal…never normal, but right.
What a fucked-up road I’ve traveled to end up right back here.
The realization is like a bolt of lightning to my heart, clearing the fog I’ve surrounded myself in.
“Griff? Are you okay?” Julie’s green eyes pinch with concern, and a second later I register her small, dainty hand on my arm and I’m no longer thinking clearly. I feel her warmth as it skates over me, over every dead part, and I need more.
I knew exactly what I was doing by coming back here. I needed my fix. I needed her.
My gaze collides with hers for a brief, charged second before falling onto her plush, strawberry lips. Her hand is still on mine, unmoving as if she’s just as frozen as I am.
Ham or eggs?
I don’t even register my own answer when I feel my body leaning in, seeking more of her warmth, seeking home and my lips press against hers.
Just a barest of touches that feels so electrifying, I shudder, but it’s Julie’s surprised gasp, her shocked breath leaving her lips and scattering over mine that jars me back into reality.
Fuck. What am I doing?
I pull away so fast, I almost jump, startling her and I feel like a total, complete asshole when Julie blinks wildly, her lips parted in confusion.
What just came over me? She probably thinks I’m an idiot—or worse!
“Sorry! I’m so sorry, Birdy. I don’t know what’s gotten into me.” I scramble for some flimsy excuse because saying I just had an emotional revelation of my lifetime would probably go just as well as this stupid kiss did.
“It’s the lavender,” Julie offers, and I huff out a laugh, grateful.
“Yeah, must be that little meddling herb.”
She rises to her feet, collecting our mugs, and strolls to the counter in the kitchen.
“I think you should give firefighting a chance. What if it’s something you were meant to do but might lose the chance to try because of something ridiculous like fear?
” Her voice is soft and soothing but there’s also tension there.
“Maybe you’re right.” That ridiculous fear seems to be obstructing more than one pathway in my life, but what am I supposed to do here?
Ask her to break up with her boyfriend because I came strolling into town like some fucked up knight in dinged up armor.
“I think I’ll head to bed,” Julie says, and yet another slash of fear whips over my body. I don’t want to leave. I don’t want to stop talking to her, but it’s clear I’ve ruined the night with my reckless, stupid attempt to kiss her.
I get up from my spot when Julie says, “You are welcome to sleep on the couch if you don’t want to go home.”
I eye the small apartment, noting the proximity of the loveseat to her bed and decide no way in hell I can stay here.
“Thank you, but I’m a big boy. I can face my mother for another day.”
“Another day? Did you decide to leave again?” There is a tiny strain to her voice and maybe I’m delusional idiot, but I decide it’s because maybe she doesn’t want me to leave? Maybe? Is that too much to wish for?
I was considering leaving but the look on her face settles my fate once and for all. I won’t leave. I can’t. Even if watching her love another man will slowly kill me, I can’t leave.
No, I’ll stay and be the fucking ham!
Until I know she’s serious with Owen, I’ll have to try. I’ll have to try and steal her, no matter how ungentlemanly it is. Because I’m not sure how to survive in the world that she’s not a part of.
My enemies overseas wouldn’t need no missiles to bring me down. All they’d have to do is use Julie as a weapon.
Even having small glimpses of her would be better than nothing at all because I never stopped loving her.
Fucking lavender and all its voodoo tricks. Did I ask for all these revelations tonight? No, I sure as hell didn’t but here we are.
“No, I just want to get my own place. Figured it’ll help with all the pestering and meddling.”
Julie snorts at my answer. It sounds downright cute coming from her, and it makes me smile. Yep, snorts are cute. That’s where I’m at these days. Especially if they mean she doesn't hate me for that kiss.
What’s next? I’ll start drinking mushroom coffee? Or join the Love Hive? Is Julie in that obnoxious chat?
“You must’ve been away for too long if you think you moving into your own place will stop them from meddling.”
“I know you’re right, but I gotta try at least something.”
Julie remains quiet as I make my way toward her door, putting my shoes back on. “Thank you for tea and company.”
“Anytime.” She smiles, leaning against a wall, her features in serene state. I’m well aware that my eyes have lingered on her for a few seconds too long, but I can’t pull my gaze away. She’s so different. So special. “Oh, and Griff?” Julie jolts my train of thought.
“Yeah?”
“Do give firefighting a chance. I have a feeling about it.” Julie pushes off the wall and strolls my way. In the next second her scent wraps around my heart as her hands gently wrap around my shoulders in a very timid, friendly hug.
I’m stiff from shock for all of one second before I slide my hands around her waist, pulling her in tighter, closer, harder until she’s molded into my body. Until she can hear the wild thumping of my heart.
For a moment, Julie stays unmoving and frozen in my arms but then I feel a burst of hot air rush out of her lungs and her whole body growing slack as she raises onto her tiptoes to get a better—more intimate—hold on me.
Oh God. It feels so good. So right.
I don’t want to let go but when that urge to kiss her wakes up anew and attacks me with vengeance, I force myself to pull away before I throw her over my shoulder and disappear into the night. Only allowing my lips to press against her forehead one last time. It's short, brief, yet packs a punch.
Love Hive:
*PheonixG rejoined the chat.
Ninasunshine: Griffin honey! It was so nice to have you join our morning work out today.
Youknowyouwantme: You’re welcome, Mom. I think we deserve a treat for that hard work.
Tinyhousebigheart: He was definitely heavier than he looked. You’re lucky I was carrying his arms.
Toughtolove: Must be all that lick-able muscle.
Zizilovingsoul: Fanny he’s already spoken for.
PheonixG: By whom, mother?
Zizilovingsoul: Oh, honey, you rejoined the chat, did you now?
PheonixG: Is there something you’d like to tell me?
Zizilovingsoul: Does anyone know how to delete someone from here?
PheonixG: Mom!?
Zizilovingsoul: Oh, I found it.
*PheonixG was deleted from the chat.