16. Griffin #3
I’ve never wanted to rip my own hair off my head. I never hated that beautiful, vibrant color as much as I do now. I never felt like burning every skirt and dress I owned. I never wanted to be someone I’m not and I think I might hate that feeling most of all.
Why did he have to do this to me?
Why did he have to be just like everyone else?
…
Julie Birdy Lovinski
What had I done…? What in the fuck had I done to that beautiful soul back then?
My hands shake, the diary nearly falling from my grasp. My throat is dry as sandpaper and my heart…fuck…it’s crumbling all over again. But this time might be the final.
There might not be any way to save it because there’s no way she’ll trust me with her heart again.
I don’t remember that day. I wish I did, but I don’t. Most of the days I spent with my then girlfriend, Kimmy, were like that. Unmemorable. Just passing by.
But does it matter? Does it matter if I know what happened when the hurt she felt is bleeding through each letter in her diary all these years later?
The ringing from my phone sounds distant like it’s happening at another time, but my fingers must answer the call on autopilot because Luke’s voice fills the space around me.
“Just me here, you know, your boss . Wondering if your highness is planning to grace us with his presence sometime during your fucking shift today?”
“I’m a chickenshit,” I blurt out, not sure if to Luke or myself. But I finally admit it. Unfortunately, years too late.
A long beat of silence. Then a curse. And some shuffling.
“I’ll be right there.”
I think I tell him not to bother but there’s a knock at my door sometime later.
Which I don’t answer. Another one follows and another until there a loud bang and “What the fuck is going…” Luke trails off as soon as he barges in, his eyes falling on the mess around me.
“Griffin, tell me that’s not what I think it is and that you haven’t read it. ”
“It’s not what you think it is, and I haven’t read it,” I parrot, my tone blank.
“Fuck,” he curses quietly and crouches next to me and dials someone on his phone.
“I can’t deal with this alone,” he tells whoever it is on the other side.
“Just get to Griffin’s place right the fuck now.
I don’t care that you’re in the middle of tattooing someone.
This is life or death. Yes, that bad. And grab that duckling with you.
Of course, I’m talking about Jacob, who else? ”
Not five minutes later, Alec and Jacob burst through my broken front door.
The former gasps in surprise while the latter says, “Is that…are those…tell me you didn’t read those and I don’t have to kill you?”
“He didn’t read them, and you don’t have to kill him,” Luke answers for me, and Jacob curses under his breath.
“Okay, okay, this is bad but also kind of good,” he says mostly to himself. “So, now you know. But I don’t understand where’s the emergency? Why are you still sitting on the floor moping around?” he asks.
“What do you mean? Wait, you knew about all this?” I gesture at the words in front of me.
“Duh, I’m her best friend, remember? Now, go get your girl!”
I look at him, blankly. “She hates me.”
“Who told you that?” he asks, and I point at the diary in front of me. “Well, seeing as I have some manners, I won’t read that. So, you can just cliff note it for me.”
Luke snorts. “Because that’s so much better.”
“Can you all just leave?”
“The date here says they were in high school when this happened.” Alec suddenly speaks up, and in a flash, all three of us are on him, slapping the diary out of his hands.
“Ow! What is wrong with you all? I was just checking the date!”
“Alec, step away from the diaries,” Jacob tells his friend. “Now, you”—he turns to me—“are you seriously dying because of something that happened when you were, what, fifteen and seventeen?” Jacob asks, his brows furrowed.
“And they call me dramatic,” Alec supplies quietly.
I don’t respond. I don’t say anything as a matter of fact, because what is there to say?
I lost the best damn thing that ever happened to me. I can’t take whatever I’ve done back so, now I’ll just have to move on. Live my life with knowledge that I once again fucked up. That it’s all my fault.
I need out of here.
“Where are you going?” Luke asks when I finally snatch the stupid jacket from the table.
“Work.”
“Work? What about Julie?”
“Nothing about Julie. She has a boyfriend. And it’s not me. And even if she wouldn’t, there’s no way, she’d want it to be. So drop it. All of you. I’m moving on. Or away, actually. I’m fine. It’s all fine. Just…fine.”
I slam the door behind me but still hear Alec say, “He’s so not fine.”
Love Hive:
Infullbloom: I’m so excited I can pop! But do you guys think they’ll go for it?
Ninasunshine: That’s why we’ll need to get a much larger group, or they’ll get all suspicious.
CookieJ: Agreed. Joy still watches me like a hawk. You’d think my daughter would be grateful for all the help with our Jackie, but noooo, she still sends death glares our way.
Willoflove: I’ll make her my special happy brew.
Joydon’tpissmeofflevine: You all do know we can see this chat, right? You didn’t close it!
CookieJ: Oh, poopie crap! JOY THIS IS NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE!
Joydon’tpissmeofflevine: Hm, really? Because it sure seems like you’re meddling again. When is it going to be enough for you, woman? You got all three of your daughters set up.
CookieJ: Never!
Burnyourheart: You need to put this plan in motion now!
Ninasunshine: Alec! Did you steal your brother’s phone again?
Youknowyouwantme: Hey! I didn’t do anything!
Ninasunshine: Wait, is it you, Gracie?
Burnyourheart: Mother, no one stole my phone. It’s me. Now tell me what this plan is.
CookieJ: @therunawaybride Honey, I think your boyfriend has been kidnapped.
Ninasunshine: Oh, rainbows! Where do I report that to?
Burnyourheart: Jesus Christ! I didn’t get kidnapped.
No one stole my phone. But I did see Griffin last night and if you don’t do your voodoo crap soon, it will go to waste!
And as much as I hate all of this, I’m also not interested in losing my friend.
He’s planning to leave Loverly Cave in a few days.
Zizilovingsoul: WHAT!!????
Infullbloom: What do you mean? What happened? I just saw him yesterday and everything was fine.
Burnyourheart: You’re all getting off course! We don’t have time for questions. Now tell me the plan.
Ninasunshine: I think I’m going to cry right now. My boy is willingly participating in Love Hive match making.
Toughtolove: I always knew you were the best man for my Gracie.
CookieJ: Fanny…
Burnyourheart: Jesus, how do you lot get anything done here? Focus!
Ninasunshine: Right, right. It’s going to be a blind date.
Burnyourheart: A blind date…very creative. Okay, time and place where you need his body delivered?
Toughtolove: Tomorrow night. 7pm. LPs.
Joydon’tpissmeofflevine: You all need so much help…