33. Griffin
Griffin
“Loving you was never a choice, it was a necessity for my soul, and it made me stronger.” – Rupi Kaur
I don’t know how long we’ve been here already, only that the sun is barely holding on to the daylight, the night slowly pulling it behind the horizon. Time went by quickly while Julie was flipping page after page, reading each one of my fucked-up entries.
I hate them all. I hate what they represented. I hate that she saw me for the coward I was, but I don’t want to hide from her anymore. I want her to have all of me. She needs every fucked-up piece to decide if she wanted a future with me or no.
“I don’t think I can read all these other ones,” Julie said softly.
“Why?”
“Because you started dating Kimmy and I’d like to think I’m a better person than this, but it hurts. It hurts to relive those days, to remember watching the two of you all over town. Laughing. At me,” she adds quietly, and I instantly get up, cradling her face.
“What are you talking about? I never laughed at you! Never, Julie!”
“I know you’ve read my diary, so you know I overheard you two that one day.”
I’m shaking my head before she’s done with that sentence and reaching for one of the diaries on the table. It took me a while to find what she meant that day. And when I did, I was in hysterics, because she got it all wrong.
I flip it open and find the right day. “Here, read this.”
Not Dear Diary,
I’ve seen Julie today.
Damn it, I never thought this would be something of a novelty, but it is because she’s no longer everywhere I look. Ever since I started dating Kimmy, Julie disappeared.
She was still there, still around, but I was lucky if I was able to catch a small, fleeting glimpse of her these days.
Hell, I can’t even remember the last time I went over to Cal’s house because Kimmy and the other girls would always drag us someplace else.
But I saw Birdy today and it felt like I was punched in the gut. One of those that steal your breath. She’s even more beautiful. Even more herself and I spent all of three minutes talking to her but managed to get drunk on that feeling I get around her.
All too soon, she was gone, taking that weightless feeling along with her.
Kimmy was going on and on about something but don’t ask me what it was, I didn’t listen to a word she said. I could tell she was upset so I nodded along to appease her, but who the hell knows what pissed her off this time.
All I could think about at that time was that Julie was barefoot, and I wanted to take off my shoes and stand barefoot with her.
I’m scared to think what you’d say to me if you could talk, honestly! Because no doubt you’d call me a stupid piece of chickenshit. You’d tell me I needed to break up with Kimmy at least a year ago and man up to ask Julie out.
And maybe you’re right. No, scratch that. I know you’re right!
I thought dating Kimmy would make me feel normal, but in these past two years, normal didn’t feel right. I felt even more lost, even more out of control so maybe it was time to try something else.
G.O.
“Griff…”
“A week later you started dating Shane, and the next day I signed up for Air Force. You don’t have to read anymore.
I only wanted to give you a chance to see the real me before you have to make any choices.
” I took the journal from her hands. “But just so you know, I never wrote about her. Only you. I kept writing about you.”
That whole sham of a relationship was one of the worst mistakes I ever made, making everyone miserable in the process. I didn’t like her, not like I was supposed to, and looking back, I don’t think Kimmy liked me for me either.
It was just cool to be seen with a football player back then. It was cute, us as a couple and she wanted that attention.
“What’s in the green one?” She nods toward the newer looking journal.
I clear my throat. “I lost all the journals I kept in the Air Force, and honestly, I didn’t think I wanted to continue them after I left it.
My thoughts were too messed up to put them on paper.
But then I saw you that first day and…and the urge to commit it—you—to my memory was too strong.
So when I left your shop, I stopped by Fifi’s and picked up the first decent-looking journal my eyes landed on.
It wasn’t until I got home that I saw the inside of it. ”
“Why? What’s on the inside?”
I groaned. “Inappropriate quotes on every damn page.” A melodic laugh slips past her sweet lips and my own lips curl up into a small smile. “Yeah, yeah, I should’ve known better that nothing is as simple here.”
“But you kept it.”
“I did. I had too many thoughts to go out looking for another journal.”
Julie’s laugh slowly dies off and then we just sit there in complete silence broken only by the crashing waves down below.
“Will you tell me?” She nods to it. “Will you tell me what’s in there?”
I take a deep breath, laying my hands on her flat stomach and tracing random patterns around it.
“There is a lot in there. Starting from the day I saw you again and felt like I’d been punched in the gut because I didn’t believe it was possible for you to be any more beautiful than you already were before.
But the shock didn’t last too long because I had all these other feelings swirling around me. ”
“Like?”
I look up, peering into her green eyes. “Like the fact that I’m so in love with you I can’t breathe when you’re not around.
Like the fact that I thought I lost you again when I heard about you and Owen.
Like the fact that I didn’t want anything or anyone but you.
Only you, Julie. All day, every day for the rest of my life. ”
Julie’s lips part. “You…you…love me? But you wanted to take things one day at a time.”
“That has nothing to do with how I feel about you.” I kiss her stomach gently before getting up.
“Birdy, I’ve been in love with you since I was thirteen and nothing has ever changed.
” I cup her face, my forehead leaning against hers as her hands come up to lay on my wrists.
“You were it for me before I knew what it meant. You were the only thing that ever felt right when everything else was such a mess. You are my light, my air, my dream. You are my home, little J. The one I’ve been searching for all these years. ”
There’s a small sniffle piercing through the air.
“Birdy, I fucking love you,” I whisper, kissing her lips, tasting the salt on them.
“I’m only sorry it took me twenty-one years to admit it but no more.
There won’t be another wasted day. Not one where I don’t let you know what you mean to me.
Both of you. And I’ll live each of those days proving it to you, if you let me.
If you’ll have me. Because this?” I lower one hand to our baby. “This is all I’ve ever wanted.”
“Oh, Griffin.” Julie’s hands twine around my neck as she climbs into my lap and kisses me through the tears and smiles. Through every emotion pouring out of both of us.
“I love you so much,” she breathes against my lips.
“Even though you now know about all of my fucked-up pieces?”
“We’re all a little fucked-up, Griffin. And that’s the beauty of it.
That’s what makes you, you. I don’t love you because you’re this perfect person.
I don’t love you because of something. That’s not how love works.
At least not mine. I love you for you. I love your rare smiles and the way you rub your neck when you’re nervous.
I love how fast you make my heart beat. I love you just because you’re mine.
” Her soft lips press against mine again.
“The perfect body, hair, and your monster cock are just nice additions,” Julie throws out, and my head falls back with a bark of laughter.
Leave it to my girl to make the declaration of love extra special.
“A monster, huh?” I lick my lips.
“Duh, got me pregnant from the very first try.”
“Well, I am a man of my word, am I not?” I smirk. “I promised you babies. I delivered.”
Julie chuckles and cups my face, kissing it. “I love you, Griffin Owling, and we,”—she takes my hand, placing it on her stomach—“will have you today, tomorrow, and in every next lifetime.”
Her words wrap around my heart, pumping life into it and there’s so much of it, I almost can’t take any more. I need to be closer to her, I need to be one with her.
With delicate desperation, I kiss her. We’ve done it a thousand times by now, but this one somehow feels different. It feels like a crushing wave that will take you to the deep end. Like a seed that finally broke through its shell and surged up toward the sun.
It feels like the beginning of a day that’ll never end or a dream that becomes a reality.
It’s as if we are sharing the same thought because Julie burrows herself closer to my body, her lips so soft and pliant against mine as she gives herself to me without holding back. Without any walls or secrets between us. We are bare and vulnerable, and it feels so right.
I slide my hands over her body and lower her onto the soft grass behind, my body quickly following on top of her while our tongues caress against each other.
Every move is slow, unhurried, like we have all the time in the world. And we do.
She’s mine forever and I want to scream it to the world. I want to breathe it onto every dandelion over the meadow, sending the words with a blow of wind to every corner, every ear. She’s mine.
Julie is mine.
Mine. Mine. Mine.
The second the words really settle into my brain, when they mix into the blood that flows through my body, the kiss picks up intensity but not the pace.
I don’t want to rush it. I want to feel each second of our love. I want to be filled with it.
Her delicate fingers brush against my T-shirt, searching for the hemline while mine trail over her overalls, sliding the straps off her shoulders.
Julie gasps, the sound so fragile when my fingers skin along her bare shoulder and down, down until I’m pushing the denim off, revealing the eclectic print bandeau containing her pretty tits.
Her fuller, bigger, more sensitive tits. How did I miss this sign?
“My Julie,” I breathe out when the palm of my hand glides over the curve of her breast, her hard nipple poking through it.
She moans, arching her back. Her eyes hooded as she watches me, and I can’t take my eyes off her. Off this beautiful, bright creature that I’m somehow lucky to call mine.
“You look so serene, lying amongst all these herbs and flowers. But you’ll look even better with my cock inside you.”
“H-here?”
“Here and now.”
Julie licks her lips and then slowly drags her hands down, hooking her pointer fingers into the bandeau and pushes it off.
“F-fuck.” I nearly choke at the sight of her tits spilling free, every inch of me itching to touch them, suck them.
But the fairy vixen doesn’t stop there. With her green eyes locked on mine, she takes every piece of clothing off her body.
And I’m tearing my shirt off the next second I regain consciousness.
My pants and underwear following until I’m on my knees at her feet, slowly kissing up from her dainty toes to her ankle, her thigh, the curve of her hip and her stomach.
I pause there. “Is it okay? Can I have you when you’re pregnant?”
Julie nods. “Yes, please have me.”
I lick my lips in anticipation before pressing my lips back against her skin and kissing up her stomach, over her ribcage that fights for every breath.
My nose brushes against the curve of her breast and Julie pants even harder, her hands gripping at the grass around her until she clutches onto my shoulder. And pleads.
“Please, please, please.”
I kiss her breasts, wet open-mouthed kisses everywhere but her nipples. “I want to worship this body before I destroy it,” I tell her, and she whimpers again.
The smooth head of my cock skims along the pearly skin of her inner thigh, leaving a wet trail of pre-cum in its wake.
The heat of her pussy drawing him insane with need, to sink into her drenched heaven.
I stick my tongue out and drag it against her hard peak. Julie moans and it’s all it takes for me to flip us around, positioning her on top of me as my backside hits the soft grass.
“What are you—” she starts, her gaze hooded and desperate.
“Own me, Birdy. Sink down on that cock and fuck me how you want it. I’m yours. All of me. Every last part. Own me,” I repeat, and she falls over, kissing me before lifting back up, grabbing my hard cock and sliding onto him.
Slowly.
“Ugh,” I grunt, my eyes rolling back from the tightness and heat of her drenched pussy around me.
“Ah, Griffin.” She pants when my cock is buried inside her to the hilt and she falls over, bracing her hands against my chest, her tits bouncing.
“Fuck, Birdy. You’re a damn vision.” My voice is raspy, low, as I gaze at her beauty against the dusky skies. “Mine,” I growl, grabbing onto her hips.
“Yours,” she whispers and rolls her hips, my cock slipping in and out, slick sounds filling the space around us with each move.
My hands on her hips move to her sweet ass and I grab a handful, dragging her harder against me and wrapping my lips against her nipple.
There’s no mad rush but the intensity of each thrust is mind blowing.
I feel every inch of her, every slide against her walls, every gasp and moan as we make love to each other in the meadow.
Julie’s hands tremble and when she fully falls against me, I roll us slightly, hooking her leg around my hip and thrust. The new angle adding to the intensity.
“Mine, mine, mine,” I chant as I fuck her. My lips kissing her lips, her jaw, her neck, her hair.
I’m lost in all that’s her. Lost in my perfect girl as she clings tight to me, rolling her hips in a perfect sync with mine.
“I love you. I love you so much,” she whispers when I thrust hard and deep.
“I love you, Birdy. In the past, present, and all the futures.”
And that’s all it takes for us to fall apart. For my climax to blend with hers in perfect harmony, completing us, drawing out our pleasure until we’re nothing more than sweaty mess surrounded by night and her garden.
"I hear it,” I tell her when she’s lying next to me, tucked under my arm, her leg still over me.
“You hear what?”
“The grass talking to me. I finally hear it.”