Chapter 24 – Grant
TWENTY-FOUR
GRANT
He’d hit her with his best verbal shot, and she didn’t even flinch. She was so strong.
The last time I was scolded by my mother, I think I was fourteen or so. I’d said something rude and made Becks cry. Beyond that, I don’t recall ever giving my mother too much grief. I was pretty quiet, always in my head as a kid, so I really didn’t get into trouble a lot.
However, now was not that time. I was sitting on my bed in my bedroom, of all places, because it was the furthest space away from the library, while my mother was taking me to task.
“I don’t know that I’ve ever been more disappointed in you,” she ended with a huff.
“I’m sorry,” I said, looking down at my clasped fingers.
I was sorry. For everything.
“Oh, I’m not the one you owe an apology to. That girl, who obviously has your number, by the way, or else she would have already left in tears, is the one you owe an apology to.”
“Flowers isn’t really a crier,” I said.
But yeah, I was going to have to apologize to her. That was going to suck.
My mother glared at me.
“I will. Are we done here?”
“I don’t know. You maybe want to tell me why you behaved like that?”
I felt I owed it to my dead wife.
My mom was probably not going to be down with that answer. And it didn’t really explain why I’d made Flowers the target of my ire.
“I don’t know, Mom. I was just…in a mood. Flowers usually knows how to handle my moods.”
“Hmm. Well, she shouldn’t have to. She was a guest in this house tonight. Not your employee. Just because you pay her, doesn’t give you the right to be cruel to her.”
“Cruel? I wasn’t that bad,” I muttered.
My mother crossed her arms over her chest. “Oh, really? How would you feel if someone just announced your greatest tragedy to strangers as if it was nothing more than a funny anecdote?”
Shit. I was cruel. This was going to suck.
“Can I just get on with it?”
“Fine,” she said, and stormed out of my bedroom. I glanced around the massive room, wondering not for the first time, why a bedroom needed to be so big.
I’d been sick in this bed, when she’d come to check on me.
I made my way back down the hallway and took a detour through the kitchen to postpone the inevitable. I picked up one of Flowers’ cookies and took a bite. It was pretty good. I made my way back to the library and found her playing X-Box with my dad.
“I don’t know what I’m doing,” she told him. “That’s not fair.”
“There is no fair in warfare, young lady. Now, pay attention. You want to hit that button there to throw your knives.”
This was not happening. I wasn’t standing in my house, watching Flowers, shoes off, bare feet on my couch, her dress hiked up over her knees, while she played Mortal Kombat with my dad.
There was a plate with pie crumbs on the coffee table next to her. At least she’d gotten her pie.
“Hey, Flowers.”
She lifted her head up and cackled. Literally, cackled. “You done getting in trouble from your mom? She didn’t spank you, did she?”
I felt a hand slap me upside the back of my head.
“Ouch!”
“She should have,” Becks said, breezing past me, with a glass of wine in her hand. She sat on the opposite couch and watched my dad basically destroy Flowers’ entire army.
“That’s it. I’m dead,” Flowers announced. “Evan, you’re a ruthless killer.”
This time it was my father’s turn to cackle. “You got that right.”
“Well, this has been swell, but I’m beat. You guys were awesome,” she said to Rebecca, Dad and Mom, who had just walked in behind me. “Not you,” she said to me. “I’ll still see you on Monday, though.”
She got up from the couch and slipped her feet into her flats. I wasn’t sure why seeing her toes always bothered me, but of course it did.
Everything about her bothered me.
“I made up some leftovers for you,” my mom said, and handed Flowers basically a tub of food.
“Cool,” she said. “Thanks again for everything, Jackie. I guess we’ll talk when you call the office. You know, once you’re ready to speak to your son again.”
“That won’t be any time soon,” my mother said, glaring at me.
“Come on,” I said to Flowers. “I’ll drive you home.”
The sudden whoosh of silence from my family as they all swiveled their heads in my direction wasn’t lost on me.
Anna understood some of my anxiety. Obviously, it had been apparent that night I’d driven her home from the club. But she’d never asked any questions, which at the time, I’d been extremely grateful about.
So she knew. But she didn’t know what an incredibly huge step this was for me.
My family knew, though.
“I can call an Uber,” Flowers said, like my offer had meant nothing.
“I said. I’ll take you home.”
It was my don’t-mess-with-me voice. Flowers knew it, and she knew not to push when she heard it.
“Fine. Have a great rest of your trip, everyone. Happy Thanksgiving!”
My family managed to mutter a few return goodbyes, but it wasn’t lost on me that they were following us to the front door and watching as I escorted Flowers to one of the cars parked in the portico. Becks had taken out the BMW earlier to run to the store.
Flowers moved around to the passenger side and waved again, which meant they were still watching us.
“They’re freaking out over you driving me,” she said. As if I didn’t already know that. “You should tell them you already conquered that fear.”
“Given the fact that my heart is pounding against my ribcage and my palms are sweaty-”
“Mom’s spaghetti,” she interrupted with a laugh. Then quickly checked my face. “Okay, you’re not playing. Sucks that I can’t drive, huh?”
“Shut up, Flowers. And let me do this.”
We were on the freeway, my heart rate hadn’t calmed down much, but I felt comfortable enough to finally open my mouth.
“I’m sorry about tonight. I was…in a mood.”
She snorted. “Uh, yeah. Got that.”
“I could offer you a really good explanation about grieving my dead wife. Would you feel sorry for me if I did?”
“No, probably not,” she said, looking out the window. “You can grieve Allison and not be mean to me at the same time. I’m pretty sure. Anyway, don’t sweat it, E.G., I’m over it.”
“Why are you letting me off the hook this easily?”
“What are my options? You are my boss.”
“Don’t say that,” I snapped. “Don’t say it like I was an asshole to you because I’m your boss and I can get away with it. I was an asshole and I need to apologize for my behavior.”
“Okay. But you know, it wasn’t all bad. I had an awesome dinner, found a vegetable dish I actually liked, had two slices of pie and learned how to play Mortal Kombat.”
“Learned how to lose at Mortal Kombat, is more like it.”
“Yeah, that. Plus, there was all this drama. It was almost like a real family Thanksgiving dinner.”
“Flowers, it was a family Thanksgiving dinner,” I pointed out.
She was quiet then for a time. For long enough that I really thought I might have dodged a pretty big bullet.
“That was it, huh? You were wishing you were there with Allison. Makes sense, then. Why I was the target. You know, I wasn’t trying to replace her or anything.”
“You could never replace Allison,” I said, like that was an insane statement to make.
However, I instantly regretted it. I couldn’t take my eyes off the road to see how that landed, but I knew it couldn’t be good.
“That didn’t come out the way I wanted. I just meant, Allison was Allison and you’re you. I wasn’t wishing you were her tonight.”
More silence.
“Okay?” I pressed.
“Okay.”
I pulled into her apartment complex and parked. It felt like all the tension in the world had suddenly fallen off my shoulders. I leaned my head back against the headrest and took a few deep long breaths.
Eventually, if I kept doing this, driving Flowers around, it should get easier?
Turning my head in her direction, I looked at her then, maybe for the first time tonight, her dark brown hair loose around her shoulders and some curl to it at the bottom. Clearly, she’d put in some effort. And she wore a green dress I’d never seen before.
Had I even said that to her? How lovely she looked tonight?
Asshole. If I could kick myself, I would.
She turned to me and her expression was resolute. “Can we not do the thing where you walk me to my door? I’ll just get out here and say goodnight. I’ll see you Monday morning and we’ll do that thing we do really well.”
That would be simpler. Easier. I could just drive away. Monday we could go back to normal.
“No. I have to walk you to your door,” I said. I’d been an asshole all night. Intentionally. I wasn’t not going to see her safely inside her apartment.
Suddenly, I felt a hundred years old. Like I could barely lift my legs or my arms. I pushed myself out of the car and joined her at the stairs leading up to her apartment.
I took the bag of leftovers my mother had given her.
It was heavy as fuck. I carried it for her and followed her up the three flights of stairs until we got to her door.
She handed me her keys, because she knew the drill by now, and I unlocked the door. The landing area had decent lighting so it wasn’t hard to see. I took a step back to give her space.
She was about to step inside when she turned to face me. I saw everything I did to her tonight, right there on her face. A betrayal on every level.
“Come here, Flowers,” I said quietly, and opened my arms. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
It was like watching a wall crumble. Her arms didn’t wrap around me but just fell over my shoulders. She pressed her forehead into my collar bone and the sound of her breath catching broke my heart. I didn’t know what else to do, so I just held on.
“I don’t know why I’m crying,” she wailed.
“It’s okay.”
“It’s…everything. The whole day. Not you. Not you at all.”
“I know.”
For a time, I held her tight while she cried on my shoulder. Felt her body tremble and shake, even as the sound of her sobs wrenched me in two. I squeezed her tighter and pressed my lips against her forehead.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered to her. “I’m so sorry.”
Finally, her breaths turned into hiccups and sniffles.
“I got snot on your shirt,” she mumbled, as she pulled away. She bent down to pick up the bag of leftovers. I’d dropped it to catch her.
“I’ll live. You going to be okay?”
“I’ll live,” she repeated. “Night, E.G.”
“Goodnight, Anna.”
She closed the door. The storm that had overwhelmed me was now suddenly gone.
I don’t know how long I stood there. No more than a minute.
That was all it took to realize I’d been fundamentally changed.
Into what or who…I really didn’t know.
Guess I would figure that out on Monday.