Chapter 27 – Anna
TWENTY-SEVEN
ANNA
She understood now. The driving thing.
“Thank you for doing this.”
I didn’t look at E.G., just gave a perceptible nod with my head.
“I mean, I get why this seems crazy. Having to pick me up and drive me home. I have a driver full time on staff. Of course, there’s Uber too.”
“You said your phone died,” I reminded him.
The call had come to the office phone. Which didn’t ring very often, but when it did, I always picked it up even though mostly it was some cold calling for some marketing opportunity.
I hadn’t spoken to E.G. since that morning when he dropped the college brochure on my desk telling me that it was for my own good.
Which of course, I’d interpreted as:
You’re not good enough.
The thing about growing up knowing your parent had abandoned you, was that it left you with insecurity and self-worth issues.
I knew he’d left the office shortly after. But I didn’t know where he’d gone or even if he’d left for the day. Until the call came through from Lou’s Bike Emporium.
“It did. Do you know how embarrassing it was to have to ask the sales guy if I could borrow his phone? His name was Carl. I don’t think he was twenty. The office phone number was the only one I could actually recall off the top of my head.”
We merged onto the highway heading west toward his development.
“Do you like it?”
“What? The car?” I asked him. The Volvo I was driving was one of his many extra cars that he made available for my driving lessons.
“Driving,” he clarified.
“Sure. It’s okay. Tanner’s a good teacher.”
“He should be for what I’m paying him.”
“I didn’t ask you to pay for a teacher,” I said quietly. “I could have just taken the normal lessons from the guy at the DMV.”
“I wanted the best.”
There were multiple follow up questions I could ask, but I didn’t see the point.
“What were you doing at a bike store anyway?”
We were on the highway now. Four lanes of fast-moving traffic. I wasn’t the fastest driver, but I wasn’t the slowest either. I drove like I’d been taught. Carefully and defensively. If I needed to make a lane change, I signaled with my blinker and always checked my blind spot.
He didn’t answer me for what felt like the longest time, until I took the exit ramp off the highway and merged on to a two-lane road.
“Something you said before Thanksgiving,” he finally said. “About what I would do with an afternoon off. I didn’t have a clue.”
“Sooooo…biking?”
“It’s a hobby isn’t it?” he said, getting defensive. “There’s the bike and the equipment. Plus, all sorts of wearable gear. The salesman was telling me all about it. You can race or go off road depending on the bike.”
“All by yourself,” I muttered. Under my breath, but not really.
“What does that mean?”
“Just that if you’re thinking about re-joining the human race outside of work, it might be helpful to join activities with…um…what’s the word I’m looking for…humans.”
“I don’t…I’ve never been great. With other people. Even before Allison.”
“Do tell!” I said in mock surprise.
“Enough about me,” he said, clearly ready to change the subject. “Are you going to tell me what this morning was all about?”
“I’m sorry?” I said, being deliberately obtuse.
“Your door. You slammed it shut. That’s typically a gesture of anger.”
“It got away from me when I was closing it,” I lied.
“Fine. We can play this game all day, Flowers.”
“What game is that?”
“The one where you lie, and I let you get away with it. Oh, wait, I hate that game. Now tell me why you were angry with me this morning, only don’t get upset. I don’t want you driving while you’re emotionally compromised.”
“I’m hardly compromised. I was just in a mood this morning. You don’t get to have a monopoly on them.”
“Then your little snit wasn’t about the classes I suggested?”
“It wasn’t a snit,” I snapped. “Stop making me sound like a bratty child.”
“Then adult-up and tell me why you were really upset.”
“Okay, fine. You want to know why I was upset? I don’t like the idea of you interfering in my life. If I want to take classes to improve myself, I’ll do it. I don’t need you telling me I’m not good enough.”
“I never suggested you were not good enough. That’s not what those classes were about.”
“Oh please,” I huffed. “That’s exactly what they were about. Go to college. Continue your education. Then maybe, just maybe, you’ll be worthy. Of what, E.G.? What am I supposed to be worthy of? The job? You?”
“You’re upset,” he said.
I nodded and took my hand off the wheel to indicate maybe he was right. “Yes. I’m upset. Haven’t I been doing a good job? Aren’t I enough for you? But no, now I need some college degree to prove myself.”
I looked over at him and he looked visibly shaken. His face had gone pale and his hands were gripping the dashboard in front of him. “Pull over.”
“What? Why? I’m taking you home. We’re not there yet.”
“Now!” he barked. “Pull. Over. Now.”
“Okay, psycho,” I said. I put on my blinker, turned into what appeared to be a cul-du-sac. Then parked near a curb. “What the fuck, E.G.? I was driving fine.”
He got out of the car and immediately ass planted on the grass in between the curb and the neighborhood sidewalk. He put his head between his knees and I could see his shoulders shaking.
Instantly, I got out of the car and knelt beside him. “What is it? Are you sick? Is something happening? Do I need to call an ambulance?”
“No,” he gritted out as he lifted his head. “Pan-ic. At-tack.”
“Oh.”
I sat down next to him in the grass and rubbed circles on his back. He looked annoyed at first, but I could tell after a few minutes his breathing leveled out and he was taking deep long breaths.
“You can’t ever drive angry,” he said, his head falling back on his shoulders. “I shouldn’t have pushed for an answer. I wouldn’t have if I’d known how upset you were going to get. Bad things happen when you drive while you’re fighting. Do you understand?”
I nodded. This was about his accident. And oddly, any anger I had towards him about the classes, was instantly gone.
“I do. I’m not angry. I promise. We’re good, E.G.”
“I don’t find you unworthy. At all. That’s ridiculous. Is that what you thought?”
“It was stupid. I don’t know why my head went there. I just thought you were telling me I needed to be more. Better. Something. I don’t know.”
He inhaled another deep breath. “You don’t need to be more, Flowers. You’re everything right now. You understand that?”
I nodded.
“Help me up,” he said.
I stretched out my hand and he took it. I gave him just enough of a lift to give him some momentum until he was standing. He stood for a second until he moved.
He got back in the car and I got back behind the wheel.
Neither of us said anything for the remainder of the trip.