Chapter 17 #2
"You knew who I was from the second you broke in the first time. Knew I was a regular at the club and anything you did to me, I was in danger of losing everything because of what you already held over my head. And you just fucking toyed with me, played games with me, tried to charm me."
His eyes narrow, "If we're being honest, I think I've succeeded at that one."
"Fuck you," the bitter words slip out.
His mouth stops moving, frozen halfway through whatever he was about to say, a wicked smile pulling at the corners of his mouth.
Finally, he responds, calm and cool, "I broke in looking for answers. Thinking you would have them."
"But I didn't, so now what?" I ask.
"Now..." he pauses, searching for an answer. "Now we're in this together."
No, the fuck we're not.
"I'm not in anything with you. I've gotten dragged into it all against my will."
Leaning against my counter with his hip, his arms crossed casually in front of him, "For better or worse," definitely worse, "you are in this now. At least, whoever came by today thinks you are."
"Hence," I gesture to my new security measures, "the cameras."
Thinly veiled humor lights up his face, "You can't believe this alone will keep dangerous people out."
"I have to do something," I argue. "I need to take any and all steps I can to protect myself from a world I want nothing to do with."
"Nothing?" he raises a brow, leaning forward, "Bullshit."
Indignance floods my veins, "Excuse me?"
"You can lie to others, hide what you are under the fog and flashing lights, but you can't hide it from me," he grins. "I've seen the way you come alive when surrounded by violence and bloodshed. When it's so close you can taste it."
Swallowing down the reminder of the heady experience, I shake my head. "That's different."
"Is it?"
"That's... controlled," I try to rationalize myself away from the truth. I did and do like the brutality. But I've never wanted to be part of it. "It's safe. It's a theatrical experience, not a hands on one."
I can see in his eyes the joke he's dying to tease me with.
"Don't."
He chuckles, "I mean, it was pretty hands on for me."
There it is.
I scoff, turning to walk away, but he catches me gently around my elbow.
"Wait, no hold on. Look," he gestures towards my new purchases.
"I'm not sure it'll do you any good, but if it'll help you feel safer, I'll help you set it up.
We have something similar at Mingle and from what Skyler told me, it can be kind of a pain to put together. "
My eyes narrow, "Why?"
"Because while I go find out who is poking their fucking nose where it doesn't belong, I want you to be secure."
"You know I'd be using it to keep you out, too," I explain. "The cameras, the double lock with an alarm for the sliding door, they'd be for my benefit against yours."
He shrugs, mischievous enjoyment pulling at his features. "If it works against me, it'll definitely work against anyone else. I have quite the reputation for getting into places I shouldn't be able to, you know."
And I do know.
One of the many things they've harped on about him over the last several months is how no one ever saw him coming or going. He was like a fucking ghost. I've seen the proof of it, how he moves through the apartment completely silently, appearing out of thin air.
“Let me help you."
The sincerity in his voice makes my chest feel heavy.
I can only imagine how many people around him right now allow him to be helpful, to be good. He's carrying a raincloud of violence above him, drowning in other people's opinions of him, without even enough information to really build his own.
If he needs this the way it sounds like he does, if he needs to do something good to believe in himself in the sea of people who would run in terror from him, can't I give him this before I lock him out of my home and my life?
It doesn't mean forgiveness for what's happened, or that we're friends or anything. It's just mutually beneficial. He gets to do something that makes him feel better, and I get a security system that works.
"Fine."
He lights up, immediately getting to work pulling everything out of the boxes. He unfolds the extensive instruction sheet, flipping through it as he lays everything out methodically, perfectly aligned.
I settle into a stool, looking at every strange wire and unfamiliar contraption. In my haste, I basically just ordered an entire kit without paying attention to its contents.
For a few minutes, he works in silence, but then he looks up at me across the table and smiles viciously, "I think we should circle back to the whole jealousy thing."
I really, really don't want to talk about this.
I pretend gag, "Please. I'm not jealous."
He laughs, situating something I don't even recognize. There's no way I could have put this together myself. "I don't believe, for even a single second, that you think I was somehow taking advantage of her."
"Cormac."
"She was never an employee," he continues anyway.
"But an independent contractor. She had just as much power as I did when it came to our professional relationship.
And from my records, our agreement was terminated back in October of 2021, which from my understanding, is before the business really turned into what it is now. "
I don't answer, not sure what I could say even if I wanted to. October of 2021 was right around the time we met. So he would have been looking for a lawyer, and it just so happened he found me.
"So, now that you know it wasn't anything as malicious as you're pretending it might have been," he taunts, "do you feel better about it?"
No.
"Yup," I lie.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah," I need him to drop this now. I can't stomach continuing this conversation.
He looks back down at his hands, working on the wired piece of metal, "I'm gonna let you keep this one lie, just because I think you're so fucking cute right now with your face all red and the angry little lines running down your nose scrunched up."
"How big of you," I mutter.
He glances up again, smiling ear to ear, "Yup. Just like that. Adorable."