Chapter 28 #2
I try to sift through the memories. "I didn't know him well, but he was involved in a couple cases I sat in on my final year of school."
"What kind of cases?" Skyler pries.
"Ummm," I think back to the handful of times I saw him on the stand. "I'm not sure. Corruption charges for one of his superiors, I think. And a murder trial.”
"Was he on trial?" Skyler asks, clicking away on my laptop.
Shaking my head, I tell him what little I know, "He was just a witness in both.”
They share a silent look, one that says there's more they aren't telling me and aren't going to be.
Fine by me.
The less I'm involved, the better.
I keep telling myself that at some point, there will come a time when I can extract myself from Cormac and the life he leads.
If I can just continue to fool myself into believing it, I can keep putting one foot in front of the other.
"Is there anything else you can tell us that you know about him?" Cormac asks gently.
I shrug, "Not really. I only saw him testify a few times, but I always thought he seemed like a smug asshole."
"Agreed," Skyler says, checking his watch. "Speak of the devil. He's freaking out and thinks we sabotaged his thing last weekend."
Cormac chuckles, "Well, did we?"
With a shake of his head, Skyler closes my computer. "No. I wanted them gone as much as anybody. Especially now that Wolfy's boyfriend is so involved."
"You still think we can protect Julian from it?" Cormac looks down at his hand, nervously drumming his fingers on his leg. "If they're behind bars?
Skyler sighs, "I hope so. They're getting dangerously close to the type of shit you used to put people down for."
"What do you mean?" I ask. What kind of people did he... do that to?
Cormac glares at Skyler, making it clear that he wasn't supposed to reveal the details of Cormac's crimes to me. At least not right now when I'm so fucking jumpy and distraught that I can't even eat.
"Cormac only liked to slice and dice people who deserved it," Skyler ignores his obvious attempts to keep him from talking about it. "Predators. Anyone who got kids involved. And anyone who tried to sell something harder than drugs."
"Like what?" Guns? People sell guns everywhere. That would be too hard to keep track of. All drug rings have some sort of weapon stock. Oh, my god. "You mean people?"
Cormac breathes heavily out of his nose before looking at me. "Remember all that blackmail stuff you were accusing me of?"
"Of course."
"Well, as it turns out, we did that to find victims," he shrugs. "Everyone has skeletons in their closet, most of which can be ignored or held over someone's head to keep them in line."
It’s nothing I didn’t already know, but hearing them outright admit it is somehow different than all of us pretending we aren’t aware of what’s happening.
"But some crimes are unforgivable," Skyler continues. "And when those are revealed, that's when the bat man comes out."
"The bat man?" I hide my laugh with a tiny chunk of the scone.
Cormac shakes his head, his thumb drifting up and down my back again, sending little waves of soothing heat and raging desire through me.
"I hate their silly little name they've given him," Skyler waves his hand through the air as if wiping away the moniker. "But it has given me a ton of new ways to make fun of him. Anyway, I'm gonna go. I just wanted to drop by to give you your things and bring my new bestie her favorite stuff."
"How could you possibly know it's my favorite?" I narrow my eyes.
His face fills with humor, his dark eyes blinking twice before responding, "Because while Cormac prefers his stalking in person, I like mine to remain digital."
My gaze drifts to the man beside me, wondering, not for the first time, if he's done more than just break into my house to taunt me.
The glare he's shooting at Skyler can easily be translated to him being furious that Skyler revealed something he shouldn't have, but it's not a secret that Cormac has been creeping around my apartment.
And maybe I'm lucky because of it. It only took Cormac a few minutes to get to me after I texted him last night.
Was it really just last night?
It feels like it's been forever. Like I've aged into a new person overnight. Like the woman I was yesterday died with that man.
"Do you know his name?" I ask, twiddling my thumbs to avoid eye contact with either of them. “I just can’t shake the feeling that I know him from somewhere.”
“Well you’ve probably seen him at Mingle,” Skyler shrugs. “But once I find it, I’ll let you know.”
“Thanks.”
If nothing else, I need to know whose death I'm responsible for. Maybe if he proves to be a piece of shit, I can feel slightly less horrible about it.
Skyler looks at his watch again and groans, pulling his phone from his pocket, "What?" he barks into it, walking away to have his conversation in the hallway.
Cormac takes the opportunity to turn me back to him, trapping my legs between his. "Why do you want to know who he really is?”
I blow out a breath, "I'm not sure. Even if I didn’t know him, I just think maybe I owe it to myself to find out who he was. I need proof that he was as dangerous as he seemed. I can't help but think I was being dramatic or something by shooting him."
Gently, he grips my chin between his thumb and forefinger, forcing my gaze up to his. "He was going to kill you, Brigit. If anything, I think maybe you could have been more dramatic. You only shot him once. Even in self defense classes, they tell you to empty the whole clip."
I crinkle my nose, "You didn't do that either."
With a grin, he leans in to whisper, "Yeah, but we both know I don't need to. Probably didn't even need the second shot since the first went right through his skull."
How could he possibly know that? He wasn't even looking. His eyes were on me the whole time.
Releasing me, he takes his coffee, keeping his body facing mine as he casually takes a sip.
Quiet footsteps bring Skyler back to the kitchen, muttering something to himself while he grabs the second bag from the bakery off the table.
"I'm gonna need you this weekend, Cormac," he says, stuffing keys into his pocket. "Steele says he's going to bust the club if we don't follow up on the background check he dropped off.”
"He's what?" I feel the frantic energy in my voice.
Skyler rolls his eyes, "He's probably all talk. He would be in way deeper shit than us if it all came to light. But just in case, we need to see what we can find.”
Cormac nods, "Fine."
"Great," Skyler says, emitting a bland smile. "Bye, Brigy."
“Uhhh, bye."
As he disappears, Cormac's gaze falls back to mine, both of us waiting and listening for the door to open and click shut before locking. The whir of the bolt sliding into place gives me permission to finally breathe.
"You're going to be okay here alone for a little bit, right?" he asks, his head tilted in genuine concern.
With a nervous, jerky nod, I assure him, hoping that if I can make him believe it, maybe I'll start to.
"I'll be fine. But I’ll probably need some clean clothes before then. I only brought enough for a day or two.”
He looks me over, "Nah. You can wear mine." He snaps, a revelation coming over him. "Or better idea, you can wear nothing."
The heat settling in my stomach is overwhelming, almost painful in its intensity, but his being like this makes me feel safe. Steady, even in the face of such instability.
His playfulness cutting through all the heavy shit we're facing is a bright light in a dark world. As terrifying as it is, I can't lie to myself and pretend it isn't the only thing keeping me afloat.
In a world where I’ve fought to maintain order and found myself swimming in a sea of uncertainty, he’s become a buoy I can rely on.
I know when he’s around, I won’t be left with room to breathe in anything but him. There won’t be a single unoccupied space in my mind; he’ll be filling all of them. There won’t be any question whether or not he’s going to press past all the walls I’ve erected between myself and the outside world.
Any lines I've tried to draw have long since faded into blurs of gray, leaving nothing but us and all the ways he's changed me in such a short amount of time.