Chapter 14 #3
Maverick and I went for our run and then I got dressed, but I did everything a lot more slowly than usual.
I was thinking so hard that my brain seemed to sap all my energy.
I was coming to the realization that being a member of the entourage wasn’t going to be enough.
It wasn’t good enough for Callum, because he deserved a lot more—he deserved a sex life, for one thing, and a partner instead of a hanger-on.
Everyone kept telling me that the dog needed security and consistency but people needed those things, too.
Callum did, especially after the way he was raised.
I removed one of his grandmother’s rollers from my hair, looked at it, and then decided that I was throwing away the whole set.
The volume I got wasn’t worth the disloyalty I suddenly felt about using them, after that woman and his grandfather had allowed his childhood to suck.
Being part of his entourage wasn’t enough for me, either.
I wanted more than holding hands and more than a vague future that we were drifting towards without discussion or forethought.
Before, I had told him that I didn’t need a plan, that not everyone had to be so directed.
I had repeated that idea to Anara, too, but I had been wrong, at least in regard to myself.
I wanted direction. I needed security. I—
I heard a terrible noise from the living room and ran toward it. “Maverick, no!”
It was my fault because I hadn’t been watching. He had never shown any interest in chewing the furniture, though! And now, our new chair, the one that Callum and I had shopped for and sat in together, was destroyed. The fabric was torn off the arm and batting and foam littered the floor.
It was my fault. But I was so angry that I wanted to scream. The cornet player started next door, too, which made the dog start barking. “You ruined it,” I told him. “I’m incapable of parenting you. What am I doing?”
I kicked aside some ripped foam and sat down on the intact cushion, and I covered my face with my hands.
I heard his nails click as he walked toward me and then he rested his chin on my leg.
“Callum asked me what I was trying to prove,” I said to him.
“After what happened with Aunt Simone, I was trying to prove that I was capable of taking care of something. I didn’t succeed with her but I tried.
I even gave her dog away to make things safer. ”
He didn’t seem to judge.
“It was because he was dangerous,” I said.
“I was so scared of him after he bit me and I tried to reason with her about surrendering him to animal control, but she wasn’t a reasonable person.
Other animals weren’t safe from him. I wasn’t.
No one else was going to be.” Carefully, I petted his head.
“I’ve felt bad about it for years and I’ve lied about it for all this time, first to Simone, and then to Callum. I should tell him the truth.”
I did, after I cleaned up the mess, dropped Maverick off at the daycare, and went to work. “I gave my aunt’s dog away. I just wanted to be clear,” I texted. He didn’t answer since he was at practice and maybe he was also angry at me.
I was glad that I wasn’t working from home today, because it had been awful to look at that chair.
I would also have to tell Callum that I had let it happen.
I couldn’t physically control the dog’s mouth, but I had been the one who had insisted that we take him and I had been the one who refused to rehome him.
“Everything ok?” Beau asked me.
“My dog ate my chair. The new one that we just got,” I told him.
“That’s too bad. You can have it rebuilt and recovered. I’ll send you the name of the upholsterer I use.” He whipped out his phone and typed. “Done.”
“Thank you, but I think Maverick will just do it again. He’s not a bad dog, though.
He needs a better owner but I don’t want to give him to someone else or give him back to the animal shelter.
You can’t treat a living thing like a library book, like you only want it sometimes and then you can return it!
I can’t stand when people act that way.”
He nodded. “It’s—”
“They do that with kids,” I told him. “It happens all the time.” It had happened to me, in fact. I had been given up and fostered around. Then I was adopted, and I still got returned! “You have to step up to your responsibilities.”
He seemed puzzled. “I think that I am.”
“You are. I’m pretty inspired by how you and Victoria take care of Finley.
I never saw people parent so well before.
I never thought about having kids myself, but if I ever did, I would want to act like you guys.
You put him first because you love him so much, and that’s what I need to do. With the dog,” I clarified.
“I’m glad that you find me inspirational.” But he still seemed confused. “I actually came out here to talk to you about the trip to California for the game.”
Luckily for me, I was getting a free ride.
Beau’s friend, the one I’d seen on his social media when I’d been researching how he’d started this company, was traveling there in his private plane, and my boss had invited me to fly along with them.
I’d finagled an invitation for Anara, too, which was so generous of a guy that I had never met (except I had helped to shop for his wife, so it felt like I knew them a little).
Beau and I settled the details now and he also gave me the name of a dog trainer that he had heard about.
Maverick and I got home before Callum and even the dog seemed to sense that he had done wrong.
He stayed away from the chair and skulked around the kitchen instead, getting himself tangled up in my legs multiple times.
When Callum opened the door, Maverick ran over but then stopped and only wagged his tail a little bit instead of the crazed slapping that he usually did.
“What’s going on here?” Callum asked. His eyes followed my finger as I pointed to the chair. “Hell.”
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I’m so sorry.” Then, because I was used to it, I walked over and hugged him. He stayed stiff for a moment before he relaxed and pulled me close.
“We can get another chair.”
“We can get the chair fixed. I will get the chair fixed,” I corrected myself. “When you left this morning, I felt like things were strange and I want to fix that, too.”