4. Am I Crazy?
4
AM I CRAZY?
SUMMER
I stood frozen, my hands trembling as I clutched the strap of my duffel bag. Everything felt surreal. I felt as if I were watching everything unfold from outside my body. My relationship—all the love, laughter, and plans—had just shattered, leaving me standing in Basil’s perfectly curated home, trying to remember how to breathe.
“Hey, you okay?” A hand touched my shoulder, and I turned to see the caterer. She was probably in her mid-forties.
“I—” My voice cracked, so I swallowed and tried again. “I don’t know.”
“Look, I know it’s not my place.” The woman let out a long exhale as if torn between decorum and speaking her mind. “But I saw…heard what happened.”
I pressed my lips together to stop myself from crying. “I…I have to go.”
I had to leave, get out of here, and never come back before I burst into tears.
“I can’t believe he….” I closed my eyes as his words hit me hard even in memory, especially in memory.
Stop being so fucking insecure, baby. Grow a spine, will you?
Tears filled my eyes. “Am I crazy? I…she kissed him…I…did I overreact?”
She winced. “No, hun, you didn’t. I thought they were a couple.”
A sharp, painful pang hit my chest.
“I’m sorry,” she breathed. “The way they were talking and hugging. And”—she probably saw I was getting upset—“now, I’m going to shut up.”
I shook my head. “It’s fine. It’s good. I need to hear this. You’re right. They do behave like a couple, and I feel like the other woman .”
The caterer gave me a wan smile. “I’ve worked events for people like this for years, and let me tell you, they’re all the same. Fake. Self-obsessed.”
My throat ached. I wanted to argue—wanted to say that Basil wasn’t like that. That he was sweet, kind, wonderful…. But I didn’t know who he was anymore.
“So, it was as bad as I thought,” I whispered, staring at this stranger who was trying to make me feel better while my boyfriend had gone back to be with the same toxic people who had ruined our relationship.
She breathed out softly. “Yeah, hun, it was.”
For a long moment, I just stood there, gripping my bag like a lifeline. Then I finally centered myself. “Thank you.”
She gave me a sad, knowing look. “I don’t know that man, so I can’t say if he was gaslighting you or if he’s really not able to see what is clear to anyone with eyes.”
I let out a huffed laugh. “Does it matter why he said or did the things he did? The impact of his words and actions doesn’t change because of his intent.”
“No, they don’t,” she agreed. “Are you going to be okay?”
I gritted my teeth for a moment and tilted my head. “I’ve had worse happen in my life than Basil Masters. I’m going to be just fine.”
But fine would take a while to get to because I started crying in the elevator and didn’t stop. I handed my key fob to the concierge who didn’t ask any questions, just pursed his lips. Probably not the first discarded girlfriend handing off her building access.
Thankfully, the Uber showed up in three minutes, so I didn’t have to wait while the concierge looked at me with concern.
I went straight to Meadow’s apartment next door, my body moving on autopilot. I barely had time to knock before the door swung open. She took one look at me and pulled me in, closing the door behind us.
“What happened?” she asked urgently.
I opened my mouth, but the words wouldn’t come. Instead, my breath hitched, and I gave into the nervous breakdown I’d been holding back since I first saw Drew kiss Basil.
“Oh, Summer.” Meadow wrapped her arms around me, guiding me to the couch. I let myself sink into her, let myself fall apart, my chest shaking with silent sobs. She didn’t ask me to stop. She didn’t rush me. She just held me, rubbing my back in slow, steady circles.
Somewhere in the haze, I heard her reach for her phone. “Come over. Now.”
I didn’t know how much time passed before I heard Meadow’s front door open. Then there were more arms around me—Bodhi, who smelled like coffee and weed, Ocean, who tucked a blanket around me as he sat at my feet, and Rain, who handed me a mug of tea because she knew I needed it.
They didn’t ask for details. They didn’t press or pry. They were just there for me —a soft comfort in the storm.
Finally, Meadow pulled back, brushing hair from my damp cheek. “Tell us what happened when you’re ready.”
I took a deep breath, then another. And I told them.
I told them about Drew kissing Basil, about the way his hand stayed on her waist, the way he dismissed me like I was some nagging inconvenience. The things he said—the way he made me feel small, like I was nothing, like I was crazy for expecting basic respect.
When I finished, there was silence—not awkward or judgmental. No I told you so’s , just quiet understanding.
Bodhi was the first to speak. “That’s fucked.”
Ocean nodded in agreement. “ Really fucked.”
Meadow squeezed my hand. “You’re not okay now , but Summer, you’re going to be just fine. You know that right?”
I wiped at my eyes, letting out a wobbly sigh. “I know. It just hurts so much.”
“Of course it does.” Rain put a hand to her heart. “You both love each other so much—and I just hate that this happened to you.”
“Basil is just lost and confused.” Ocean patted my shoulder. “I think he’s confusing working hard and achieving what he has with networking with ambitious and, well, toxic people.”
“There’s nothing wrong with ambition,” Bodhi remarked. “I’m hoping someday I’m going to sign a big-time music record deal or some shit like that.”
We all chuckled at that. “I know it’s going to happen for you,” Rain assured him.
Ocean stretched out on Meadow’s colorful carpet, leaning against the couch. “Yeah, man, you’re an excellent musician.” He then studied his hands thoughtfully. “You know when I asked Basil about his journey, he talked about how he started his company and how it took over his life. I think he’s drifted from his roots—I mean, you know his mother, she’s not like this.”
“No.” I took a sip of tea. “Not at all. Ellen is so down-to-earth. When Basil offered to buy her a new place, she told him she’d rather stay in the small house he grew up in, in Magnolia, and asked him to pay off the mortgage instead.”
Meadow made a face. “I’m really not feeling charitable toward that man right now.” She patted my shoulder. “But…from what I know of him, he’s not an innate asshole. Sometimes you have to lose something important to know how important it was to you.”
“I don’t know, Meadow. The way he talked, like he was carrying all this resentment for me ...he made it personal. I was trying to address his behavior , and he was judging me , saying I was lacking.”
Meadow stroked my hair. “I know, babe. But not everyone knows how to argue like champions as we do.”
Rain laughed holding a finger up. “Yep, first rule of being a couple’s counselor, address actions not people.”
She had just finished her master’s in psychology and had gotten a job at Wellspring Family Services, a community-based counseling center. We were so proud of her for achieving her goals while raising River. We all helped take care of her four-year-old daughter and Rain’s mother, who lived with them.
That night, after I got into bed with Meadow because I didn’t want to be alone, I thought about how not one of them had said anything bad about Basil. They hadn’t called him names or raged on my behalf. They weren’t here to tell me what to think, only to be here while I processed my heartbreak, holding my hand, making me tea, and telling me that I’d be fine, that I’d get through this.
I preferred my friends, I thought bitterly, to Basil’s, who I was sure had been thrilled to hear that we’d broken up. Maybe Drew had already staked her claim and…maybe they were together now? Maybe they went beyond that kiss and were now in bed.
Tears welled in my eyes as I replayed everything—Basil’s words, his dismissive tone—turning it over and over like a blade in my mind.
When I sniffled, Meadow put an arm around me, drawing me into a hug. “Shh, babe, this too shall pass.”
“Like a yeast infection?” I gave out a hiccupping laugh.
“Exactly. It’s gonna itch like crazy for a while, but eventually your vag is going to be fresh as a daisy again.”