Chapter 25 #3
Does it even matter anymore? What if Eli never gets the chance to set things right with this mystery woman?
Who’s next? Gabe? Manny? What if something happens to Manny, and he doesn’t get to go home to his wife and six kids he loves so much?
I can’t handle that. What if Gabe never gets a chance to let that smirk turn into a smile?
I feel my body shudder as I try to hold myself back, but I feel too much.
“Adrienne?” Gabe calls out. “Look at me.”
“I can’t,” I whisper as I shake my head. I really can’t. I can’t do it. I just need to be alone for a minute. I need to get myself together. Maybe if they don’t talk to me, I’ll be able to hold it all together.
“Baby, look at me.”
I shake my head again. I can’t do it. “Please don’t.”
“Querida,” Manny calls out. “It’s okay.”
“No, it’s not,” I sob.
“Baby,” Gabe says. “I need you to come here. Come to me.”
“No.”
“Addie,” he pleads softly. “I need you to come to me. If you can’t, I’ll have to come to you.”
“Please,” I beg. I know I will fall apart if he comes to me. Why can’t they just let me wallow in my own misery? And where is the goddamn doctor with news about Eli?
When Gabe’s strong arms pull me around to him, I know he misunderstood. I wanted him to let me go, and instead he came to me. Maybe we’re forever destined to be on the wrong page with each other. “No.”
“Baby, you have to let it out,” he says. “Eli was doing his—”
“Don’t say duty,” I snap and bat at his chest with my fists. “Don’t you dare say the word duty to me. I am no one’s duty. Eli did not deserve to be put in the fucking hospital, and I can’t stand it. I can’t fucking stand it.”
“It’s okay,” he says quietly.
“It’s not fucking okay,” I scream. I try to push away from him, but he just pulls me tighter into his body.
“You have to leave. Manny has to leave. Take Eli back to wherever you guys came from and go before it’s too late.
I can’t take it. I can’t take more blood on my hands.
You have to go… Go! Why aren’t you going? ”
My voice is harsh and caustic even to my own ears, but I’m lost to my fear and my guilt. I need these men to let me go, and they won’t. Why won’t they leave?
“Just go,” I sob hysterically. “Go, go, go. Why won’t you go?”
“Because I can’t,” he says gently.
“You’re fired,” I shout as I grasp for any reason for him to let go. “I’m not your duty anymore. Now, you can let go.”
“No, baby, I can’t.”
“You have to,” I cry. “I won’t be your duty. I won’t be the reason you don’t make it home.”
“Don’t you know?” he asks quietly for my ears only. “I don’t have a home.”
His words make me want to cry even harder and once the dam lets go, there is no stopping it.
Gabe lifts me into his arms like I’m precious and carries me over to a chair. He sits and places me in his lap, holding me tight. I’m done. I’m so done. I have nothing left in me, so I just hold on, clinging to him, and let it out. I cry until I’m weak and exhausted.
Gabe tucks me into his arms, and I rest my head on his chest. He makes me feel safe and secure, cared for, and I firmly wish he didn’t.
Because I know with all my heart that while this feels nice now, he’s not mine to keep, and getting used to being cared for this way would be a fatal mistake for my soul. That is, if it’s not too late already.
After a while, the door opens again, and a doctor steps through.
I jump to my feet, and Gabe follows me. Manny, who’d stayed by the wall to give us some privacy, steps forward as well.
Manny has said and shown to me that he wants me for Gabe; I can only imagine what he’s said to the man himself.
I just wish he wouldn’t. It’s time to let dead horses lie.
“Are you here for Eli MacGuire?” the doctor asks.
“Yes, sir,” Manny says.
The doctor nods, then goes on. “I’m Dr. Williams, and I’ve been treating Mr. MacGuire since he arrived,” he explains. “He has a concussion, which initially seemed worse than it actually is, but I have full confidence he will be just fine in a few days.”
Thank God. I feel a wave of relief wash over me. Gabe touches the tip of his index finger to the back of my hand, letting me know it’s all going to be okay, reassuring me it’s going to work out.
“We’re going to keep him over night for observation and then release him in the morning,” the doctor adds. He really is going to be all right. “Visiting hours are over for today but start again at nine in the morning.”
“Thank you,” Gabe says.
“He’s really okay?” I can’t help but ask.
“You must be August.” He smiles gently at me. “He’s been asking for you.”
Gabe and Manny both visibly stiffen. The assumption that I’m his mystery woman from ten years ago is worrisome if Eli has been asking about her now. Gabe and Manny both look seriously concerned, and after my embarrassing meltdown, I need to smooth this over for them.
“No, no,” I say gently with a smile. “I’m Addie. His… friend.” I hope it’s not too far of a stretch to assume that we could really be friends if he wasn’t on a job to protect me and all that.
Actually, he probably wouldn’t. I’m just some girl who sleeps with his friend. How embarrassing is that?
“Oh,” Dr. Williams replies, sounding a little flustered. “My mistake. It’s nice to meet you.”
I’m nosy enough that I want to know just what our sweet Eli was saying about the mysterious August.
“It’s nice to meet you as well,” I respond. He clearly doesn’t watch racing or know who I am. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have mistaken me for Eli’s long-lost love. “And there’s no harm done.”
“Thank you,” Gabe says, redirecting the conversation. “We’ll be back in the morning.”
“Of course,” the doctor replies.
After the doctor goes through the heavy door to see to his patients, Gabe and Manny walk me back through the hospital to the parking lot.
“I’ll take her home,” Manny says, and I think I’m finally going to get a moment to collect my thoughts, but Gabe destroys my plans once again.
“No,” Gabe inserts. “I will.”
Manny looks pleased with his decision, but I can’t help but hear our earlier conversation echo through my brain. He even admitted that Gabe was always going to hurt me.
My heart never stood a chance.
“I’ll see you in the morning,” Manny says before heading toward his own vehicle.
Gabe helps me into the passenger seat of his SUV and then shuts the door behind me.
He makes his way around the car and climbs into the driver seat.
We haven’t really spoken since he held me in his arms in the hospital waiting room.
He was gentle and caring, and I don’t want to think about it because it will only remind me of what I want and can’t have.
We don’t speak the entire way back to my home in Torrey Pines either. By the time we pull into my driveway, it’s late. Dinnertime has come and gone, and I haven’t been hungry for days. I only ate when Eli or Manny made me feel like I should, like they were judging me and my heartbreak.
As Gabe shuts off the car and walks me to the side door, I realize I’m finally hungry, not for food but for something else, something I shouldn’t allow myself to want, but I’m helpless not to.
As always, he has me wait for him by the door while he checks the house, making sure it’s safe for me to be there, that no one else is lying in wait for us to do me harm.
Enough harm has been done today, and I don’t complain about waiting for him.
I don’t want to see more damage done to another person, only my heart.
“The house is clear,” he says, surprising me. “You can go up and get some rest now.”
“Wait—” I start, regretting it instantly. I don’t want him to know how weak I really am.
“What is it?” he asks.
As I look at him, really look at him, I notice how tired he seems. It’s not fair of me to ask him for more—of his time, of his body, of himself—so I just shake my head.
“Never mind,” I reply. “You should get some rest too.”
“Just ask,” he demands.
“No, really. It’s fine.”
“Say it,” he snaps.
“I don’t want to be alone,” I blurt out. “I’m sorry. Forget I said anything at all.”
“What if I can’t forget?” he asks as he steps closer. “What if I don’t want to?”