Chapter 6 #3
When they pulled apart, Lee’s smile was noticeably wobbly. “That’s me—human.”
“You and me both,” Alex told him, throat a little tight with words he still held back because this wasn’t the moment.
Another time. Tonight maybe, or tomorrow.
Actually, it might be better to wait until after the Japan match, to avoid any distractions.
They’d only just settled into this new normal, after all, and things were bound to change again once Lee learned that Alex wasn’t straight either.
Alex wasn’t ready for that. Not just yet.
So he fished for a grin, pinched Lee’s waist, and ordered him to get a move on because “coffee is a thing of beauty, Lee, and if you aren’t ready to leave in the next ten minutes, you’re on your own.”
“Your addiction is quite unbecoming,” Lee said primly, but his answering smile was soft in a way that made Alex’s stomach give an odd little lurch.
He took a step back so he wouldn’t take one forward.
It was only when Lee had disappeared into the bathroom that Alex felt his heartbeat slow to a normal rate.
Fuck no. Developing an inconvenient infatuation didn’t mesh with the path laid out for him since birth—and so he wouldn’t.
Japan.
Nine minutes into the match, England took the lead off a corner kick—Jeff circled the ball into the penalty area, and then Alex’s header grazed the fingertips of the Japanese goalie but went in.
His first fucking goal for the national team.
Alex was still blinking through his disbelief, adrenaline a dizzying rush in his ears, when Lee barreled into him, grin so blinding that for a moment, it was all Alex could see.
Eighteen minutes later, Oliver plucked a shot out of the air and threw it to Jeff, who started for the Japanese goal. With three defenders swarming him, he sent the ball to Alex on his right, and Alex found Lee on the edge of the box. The keeper stood no chance.
“There’s another forty-five minutes to this game,” Kieran told them during the half-time break, voice raised to carry over the happy buzz. “Don’t let your guard down, lads. Let’s take it home.”
Sixty-second minute. Penalty for Japan—a tough decision but not entirely unfair, Finley having stopped a Japanese striker about to break through.
Goal for Japan, Oliver’s face like thunder, and England was one man down because Finley had seen a second yellow card for his foul.
Collectively, they lost control of the game, Japan crashing up against their defense lines again and again.
Oliver, who kept playing at his usual level, was the sole reason Japan scored just one more additional goal.
A 2–2 tie. It felt like a loss.
They’d held on to the top spot of their group, but by the barest margin—instead of prematurely bagging one of two tickets to the round of sixteen, Morocco and the Netherlands were lurking just one point behind them. Even Japan still had a chance if they won their next game.
It was quiet after the match, players slouched on the benches, some with their heads tipped back against the lockers, eyes closed. Alex set both elbows on his thighs and stared at the floor, stomach heavy. They’d come so fucking close to sealing the deal.
“All right, lads.” Kieran didn’t need to raise his voice this time—you could have heard a pin drop.
“Just so we’re clear, I’m not disappointed because we walked away with just the one point.
I’m disappointed because you weren’t outclassed today, but out-spirited.
Because you got smug. Because you thought you had it in the bag, and now everyone’s going to ask whether this team is simply too young, too inexperienced, when I know what you lot are fucking capable of. ”
A few players stirred. No one spoke up.
Kieran sighed. “Okay, that’s enough for tonight, I think. Bus is waiting, so off we go. Let’s get a good night’s rest and leave all further analysis for tomorrow.”
Slowly, one by one, Alex’s teammates rose from the benches, grabbed their things, and filed out of the room. Alex stayed seated until Jeff walked past him and, without even looking, grabbed his elbow and hauled him up and along.
“Move now, mope later,” Jeff ordered.
Alex caught Lee’s eyes from across the room, Lee’s face grim yet resolved as he got up and followed them out, just a step behind.
It might have been coincidental, but Alex was glad for Jeff being right beside him and Lee not far behind, especially once they exited the building to cameras and flashes.
After the first match, the British press had loved the team in general and Alex in particular.
While he hadn’t scored, his two assists along with a high number of completed passes had garnered him more than his fair share of attention, and a few friends from school and his childhood had seemed to delight in sending him some of the more ridiculous headlines. Titles like:
No More Earl Gray: The World Cup Begins
Earl-y Days Yet But We’re Off to a Great Start
They had made Alex cringe while Lee had laughed long and hard before he’d asked why Alex was only an earl when his dad was a duke, and did those titles deteriorate from generation to generation until all that was left was an everyday sucker?
The press wouldn’t love them after this. And Alex’s father would take great pleasure in pointing it out.
There was very little chatter on the bus as it took them to that night’s hotel.
Those who had someone waiting for them slunk off immediately while the handful of them who didn’t lingered in the lobby for a few minutes longer, until Jeff broke away with a bright, “Well, everyone, so that sucked. See you losers tomorrow.”
Alex glanced at Lee and mumbled his own version of a goodnight before he trailed Jeff to the lift, Lee following them a moment later.
The three of them rode up in silence and exited into a hallway lined with stone tiles and yellow-washed walls.
“So,” Jeff said when he stopped in front of his room.
“Guess we’ll just have to win the next one, then. ” Like it was nothing.
Lee moved further along the corridor to his own room. “Solid plan,” he commented in passing, and Alex tried to think of something funny to say, but his brain was stuffed with cotton, throat still tight with disappointment.
Bloody hell, it’s not the end of the fucking world.
He’d be fine. He just needed some sleep to clear his head, that was all.
And yeah, he kind of wished he weren’t on his own tonight when he could greatly benefit from Lee’s ability to calmly dissect Alex’s fears and doubts.
But life was not a jukebox, and Alex was a bloody grownup who didn’t need a nightlight or someone to check for monsters under the bed.
Except when Alex went to unlock his own room, Lee sent him a sharp look, a curious tilt to the curve of his mouth hinting at a question. Maybe Alex wasn’t the only one who could use the company.
So he took his time digging the keycard out of his pocket, waving Jeff off with a smile. And then it was just Alex and Lee left in the hallway.
They were quiet for a beat, watching each other, before the corners of Lee’s lips tugged up. “You’ll be over in a few?”
Alex inhaled, lungs expanding. “Yeah.”
After they parted with a shared smile, Alex sped through a shower and brushing his teeth, then gathered what he needed for the night.
He peeked out into the hallway before dashing over to Lee’s door.
It took just a second for Lee to let him in, and Alex got momentarily stuck on how Lee hadn’t bothered with more than a pair of briefs after the shower he must have taken, smelling of the hotel’s lavender soap when Alex brushed past him as he stepped into the room.
“What took you so long?” Lee asked after he’d closed the door. At this point, Alex knew him so well that the gently teasing grin registered before Alex even glanced at Lee’s expression.
“Some of us have hygienic standards,” Alex said with a haughty sniff.
“Some of us are slow.”
“Just because you shower faster than the average Ramones song…”
Lee’s shrewd look came with a tinge of surprise.
“What?” Alex dropped his stuff on the side of the bed that Lee had cleared for him.
“Does your dad know you listen to American punk rock?”
“The number of things that my dad doesn’t know about me could fill an encyclopedia.
” Such as the fact that Alex had no intention of emulating his father’s political engagement at any point in the near or distant future, or the nature of Alex’s sexuality given his dad still maintained that Prince Joshua’s coming out some years ago should have been a private matter, not to be disclosed to the public and certainly not flaunted for the world to see.
“It’s truly inspiring,” Lee said, “to spend time with someone whose daddy issues match my mummy ones.”
“Nah, I think you win.” Alex let the corners of his mouth curve up. “My father would never dream of buying four fridges—that’s what hired help is for. Honestly, I’m not convinced he knows the way to the kitchen.”
“Do you?” Lee asked with a sly look, and Alex surprised himself when he laughed.
“I sure do. It’s where the chocolate lives.”
“Hardly part of your nutrition plan.”
“What’s life without the occasional cheat day?”
“Not what you should say to whatever wife your parents pick for you.”
“Oh, fuck you very much, Lee.”
“Anytime, honey.”
They were both grinning now, Alex sitting on the edge of the bed, Lee still near the door. The crisp night air that streamed in through a gap between the curtains smelled of pine trees, and it wasn’t until Alex took another deep breath that he noticed the tightness in his chest had dissipated.
Something might have shown on his face because Lee’s grin softened into a smile. “Feel better?”
“Surprisingly, yes.” Alex smiled back. “You?”
“A bit, yeah. Still sucks, mind.”
“It does.” Alex let it hang between them for a sobering moment, then he exhaled and shifted up on the bed. “Hey. There’s something, uh…” Come on. “Something I’ve been meaning to tell you.”
Lee’s brow puckered as he crossed his arms. “Cryptic much?”
“Nothing bad,” Alex rushed to assure him.
“Just… personal. And I don’t really…” He halted, and fucking hell, it wasn’t rocket science, was it?
Just say the bloody words. Except he’d never done so before, and tonight kind of sucked, and it wasn’t like he needed to tell Lee right this very moment.
“You know what? Perhaps not tonight. Tomorrow’s a new day, though, so remind me to tell you in the morning. ”
“Still cryptic,” Lee informed him, but his expression relaxed, arms dropping to his side as he crossed to the other side of the bed and sat down gingerly. He made a point of looking elsewhere when Alex tugged off his T-shirt and slid under the sheet.
“Thanks for letting me kip here,” Alex said softly, partly to draw Lee’s gaze. It was silly and maybe even a little unfair, the way he wanted Lee’s attention on him.
“It’s not a hardship.” Lee’s voice was light. He still evaded Alex’s eyes as he stretched out on his side of the bed though, a brief moment of silence settling between them that Alex couldn’t quite read.
“Thanks anyway,” he said.
Lee rolled onto his side, eyes warm. “Don’t worry about it, yeah? It’s nice not to be alone after a match like that. Reminds me of when my sisters would sneak into my bed because they’d had a bad dream—mostly Shelly ’cause Kira was too cool for that kind of shit even when she was four.”
“I’m too cool for that shit,” Alex told him, and the corners of Lee’s mouth quirked.
“Yet here you are.”
“Yet here I am,” Alex agreed.
With a chuckle, Lee twisted his upper body to reach for the lamp on the bedside table. And if Alex’s focus snagged on where a trail of dark hair disappeared into the waistband of Lee’s briefs? Well, no one had to know.
“Night,” Alex murmured into the sudden darkness that flooded the room.
“To a brand new day,” Lee replied, and yeah, amen to that. A brand new day when Alex would finally tell Lee—really, he would. First thing in the morning, no more excuses.
Just… not tonight.