Chapter 16 #3
“Fuck.” Alex dropped his chin against his chest, blinking against the leaden pressure of tears. He wasn’t going to cry. He was not going to fucking cry.
Disbelief lingered as he watched ice and a bandage appear from somewhere.
Then Lee and Jeff helped him to his feet, refusing to let him put any weight on his injured ankle as they carried more than walked him back to his hotel room in abject silence.
God, things had to be bad for Jeff to lose his words.
“Maybe…” Alex sat down on the edge of his bed. “Maybe Lachlan is wrong and it’ll feel a lot better tomorrow?”
Jeff’s reply took the form of a snort, at odds with the sad twist to his mouth.
“Look, babe.” Lee sat down next to Alex and, after a brief glance at Jeff, placed a hand on Alex’s knee. “This sucks, and if you wanna punch a pillow, I’ll hold it for you. But you’re not playing. Not on a sprained ankle.”
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
Alex blinked back the renewed threat of tears. “What—are you a doctor now?”
“No, but I know how to listen to one.” Lee gave Alex’s knee a gentle squeeze. “You’re not playing, sweetheart. Even if you were miraculously able to walk on this tomorrow, no one here would let you take a risk like that.”
Jeff nodded sharply. “What he said.”
“But it’s the final,” Alex countered, desperate. “I can’t just sit it out.”
“You can,” Jeff said firmly, “and you will.” He didn’t give Alex a chance to respond, just gathered him in a hug, unceremoniously seating himself on Alex’s thighs.
Lee shifted a little to make room, slinging an arm around Alex’s waist, and that was how they stayed for a few seconds before Jeff slid off.
Alex stared at the ice pack tucked against his ankle. “But it’s the final,” he repeated, much quieter now.
“And we’ll fucking miss you on the field,” Lee said, equally quiet. “Sometimes, life just kicks you in the nuts.”
“On the bright side,” Jeff put in, “you can now drink all the beer you want.”
“I’d rather be playing.”
“Sorry, that item’s been taken off the menu.”
“Let’s elevate your foot,” Lee said before Alex could complain once more about the unfairness of it all. Yes, he realized he was being repetitive but… fuck. It was the final, and he’d be watching from the sidelines.
It sucked. It just really, really sucked.
Silently, he complied when Lee prompted him to shuffle up the bed and lean against the headboard, Jeff grabbing a couple of pillows to raise Alex’s foot.
Alex stared at the unsightly lump that was his ankle distorted by an ice pack, and told himself he wouldn’t cry.
Because what was the point? It didn’t change a thing.
“Fuck, if there ever was a time for a few shots of vodka…” Jeff shook his head, arms hanging by his side.
“Is there anything we can get you?” Lee asked Alex.
“A time machine?” Alex tried for a smile that he managed to maintain for a whole second. It was a start, though—because if he really couldn’t play, well, what was it Lewis had said? Right now, my job is to cheer the team on.
“Ah, I’m afraid we’re fresh out,” Jeff said. “But how about this lovely remote control for the telly? It’s a state of the art technology that gives you immediate access to mind-numbing daytime TV as well as cat videos on YouTube and niche-interest documentaries on Netflix.”
“Yeah, all right.” Alex bit the inside of his cheek before he forced another smile. “You guys should get back. Two more days, right?”
Jeff handed over the remote control. “You sure?”
“Of course I’m sure,” Alex told him with all the confidence he could muster. After all, dreams died every day, and there’d be another World Cup four years from now, so…
Ugh.
Maybe he’d have a little cry once Lee and Jeff left, yeah, but until then he’d do his bloody best to smile. Fake it till you make it, right?
“I could stay,” Lee offered. “Help you take the ice pack off in a bit, keep up a running commentary on whatever’s on the telly?”
Alex reached for his hand and tangled their fingers, just briefly, before he released his hold. “No, seriously—go. It’ll be Alfie instead of me now, so the more time you can all train together, the better.”
“Okay.” Yet Lee sounded deeply unhappy about it, lips tilted into a downwards curve.
He glanced from Alex to Jeff and back before he leaned in to kiss the corner of Alex’s mouth—except Alex turned his head just in time for it to become a proper kiss, comfort and warm familiarity as he let himself indulge for a few beats before he gently pushed Lee back.
“Go.”
“You’re really, absolutely sure?” Lee asked while Jeff was smiling a little, and Alex realized that this was the first time Jeff had seen the theory of Alex’s bisexuality executed in practice.
Clearly, Jeff was fine with it. Alex hadn’t harbored any actual doubts, but with how shitty this afternoon had gone, it was a relief that at least it hadn’t skittered downhill even further.
“I’m really, absolutely sure,” Alex confirmed.
Lee hesitated for another moment before he sighed and slid off the bed to join Jeff. With a promise to be back as soon as practice was done, they left, Lee pausing for a long, sad look before he closed the door.
And then it was just Alex, alone with the sickening weight in his stomach. He buried his head in his hands and tried to take deep, even breaths while his childhood dream came apart at the seams.
Just a minute, that was all. One minute to mourn his loss, and then he’d raise his head and smile and be fine because he had to be—for the team and for Jeff, for Lee.
Just one minute.