Chapter 3
CHAPTER THREE
“Sums– you out here?” My father coughed out.
His lungs were trying their hardest to keep up with life’s trenches. Each day he woke up was another reason to thank God for his grace. The idea of being a fatherless child was far more haunting than being the motherless child I’d been since I kissed the air–crying, kicking, and screaming.
Chuckling, I responded, “Yes. I’m out here.”
“You need anything?”
“I don’t, Dad. Just for you to go sit down. I’m fine.”
“You sure? Have you eaten?”
His voice got closer and closer, filling me with concern. I sat up, pushing my elbows into the cushion I’d wrapped in fabric for a softer landing each time my thoughts became unbearable and the inside of our home began to suffocate me.
“Dad, please don’t come out here. The air quality su–”
“I’m not. I just want to lay eyes on you.”
He was in my line of vision, now. I wanted to lay eyes on him, too. That smile let me know that he was fine. He waved me off.
“You worry too much, Sums.”
“You’re all I have, old man. My heart worries about living longer without you than I was privileged to live with you. Don’t break my heart so soon.”
“I won’t. I’m going to leave you to your books. I’ll be inside if you need me. Alright?”
The grunting that followed his words let me know he was concealing the coughs that were threatening to rock his entire frame. His slim frame disappeared behind the curtain in an instant. I closed my eyes and released a shaky breath.
His oxygen level was dangerously low. It had been decreasing slowly for the last four years. As his condition worsened, so did my sanity. It didn’t matter how hard I tried, I could hardly get a grip on life knowing it could change at any second.
I rested my back against the cushion and buried my nose in the pages of the romance novel that was playing out on film in my head. Sandra and Adonis were the sweetest pair. The perfect match. The ideal couple in my eyes.
Flickering lights surrounded me. The sun powered them, preparing them for our nightly reunion.
Pillows surrounded me. All covered in thrifted, luxury fabric I’d collected over the years.
Sheer curtains lined the ceilings of the back, screened-in porch my father had built onto the house for me after discovering my love for reading.
Escapism.
Fiction.
Romance.
Rainy days.
Summer nights.
Fall evenings.
And words.
As I settled in again, my cell chimed beside me. A rhythmic vibration followed the soft tunes that played near my ear.
There were only one of four people I imagined would be calling me.
Jada, my first and favorite cousin.
Joseph, her brother.
Ada, my best friend who was miles and miles away.
My father, who was inside trying to catch his breath.
I retrieved the device that I avoided more often than not. It sped life up so unintentionally, shortened my attention span, and toggled with my peace. I was still trying to determine if I liked or despised the block of despair. Nevertheless, I kept it around so those near my heart wouldn’t worry.
The sight of the four letters on my screen summoned my sanity.
I marked my page with the Huffington bookmark I’d been gifted by my father.
It was one of the many little things I’d gotten for my birthday that had me brimming with joy.
Another were the pair of brown loafers the man calling me had purchased. How he’d guessed my size was beyond me.
Silence allowed me to gather my thoughts. However, the time between me answering the call and his voice lacing the line like words of a romance novel dismantled the parts of me I was able to collect. My composure was lost the second his baritone touched my eardrum.
“Good evening, Summer.”
I tucked my bottom lip between my teeth. The pain of my father’s condition subsided. New feelings overwhelmed me.
“I’ve been having a hard time ridding my thoughts of you,” Saul admitted.
“Why try?”
It was his turn to be quiet. His lack of response led to my continuation.
“I gave up near noon. My day has been much easier since–”
“Is that the cure?”
I nodded as if he could see me. “It seems so.”
“Happy first day of fall, Summer.”
Smiling, I melted into the makeshift mattress again. Softness welcomed me without resistance.
“Happy first day of fall, Saul.”
I wrestled with my thoughts as my nervous system got acquainted with his voice on the line. Closing my eyes, I imagined he was next to me instead of miles and miles away.
“What are you doing?”
“Admiring the afterglow of the sun while getting a few pages read.”
“A few?” He chuckled. “I didn’t take you for a liar, Miss Summer.”
Chuckling, I shook my head. “Okay, I’ve been itching to finish the novel I’m reading.”
“What is it about?”
“Love–” I breathed out.
“Why sound so–defeated?”
“Because reading these novels about these fairy tales make dating real men with real lives and real issues difficult. It almost feels pointless.”
“Maybe until now–”
“Until now?” I questioned.
“Until now.”
“How so, Mister?”
“How about you begin to tell me about all the things you love, things you love to do, places you want to visit some day, restaurants you want to try, adventures you’ve been dreaming of– you know, things to help me steer this boat in the right direction.
I have a path in mind, but I want to carve one with those stories you read in mind. ”
“Saul…”
“I am a real man with a real life and real issues, but they’ll never reach you if I can help it.
With me, you’ll experience far more good than bad, and I am not saying that just to see those cheeks of yours fluff.
I’m saying that because I was raised by a woman who doesn’t play that shit and a man who has never played that shit.
“I was taught how to be a man. Not because I had no other choice, but because I had a two-parent household that represented much of what you read in those books. Stability. Equality. Wealth. Education. Romance. Elegance. Structure. I had all the essentials, Summer. It made me a good man.
“All across the board. The only thing I suck at is picking good women, but somehow I think that changed yesterday. September 21st.”
“How many have hurt you?”
The hollowness of his words as he volunteered his faults was awakening. I wanted to know more. I wanted to know everything, but in time.
“Two,” he confessed. “But they say third time’s the charm.”
He kissed the skin of his teeth. Discomfort had found him.
“Summer, I–”
“Another time,” I said, cutting into his response.
“Yes. Another time.”
The wind greeted him as my thoughts circled.
“You’re outside?”
“Yes.”
Saul exhaled. Paused. Then, continued.
“You sound like a dream.”
I squeezed my eyelids together. Both lips raced between my teeth. I pressed down as I wiggled my feet underneath the thin blanket.
Ahhhhhhh. I squealed, inwardly.
“I–” I stuttered, trying to calm my nervous system. It was a wreck. “I was thinking the same.”
“Oh yeah?” He sniggered.
“Um hm. Admittedly, I was quite surprised to see your name on my phone.”
“Why? I’ve been stopping myself from hitting you up all damn day.”
“Why didn’t you?”
“Because everything would stop for you. I wanted to wait until my day calmed down and I could hear your sweet voice in the silence that often meets me before it’s time to rest.”
“Everything would stop–” I emphasized, realizing how true his statement was for us both.
Everything was as it was when answered his call.
Nothing moved.
Nothing.
“Yes. Just like now.”
Just like now.
I placed a hand on my chest, hoping to calm my raging heart.
“What are you doing?”
“Seasoning the lobster I’m preparing with a bed of potatoes and veggies.”
“Sounds delightful.”
“You can have some if you’d like,” he offered.
“I’m fine, Saul.”
“You are, Summer. I’m just not sure you understand how fucking fine you are.” He laughed.
I couldn’t help but do the same.
“How was your day?”
“Miserable,” he scoffed.
A dagger went through my chest. Already, I wanted to better his experiences.
“Oh noooo, why?”
“In comparison to yesterday, it was trash. But, compared to any other day, it was cool.”
I understood his logic, suddenly. Relaxing, I rolled my eyes upward.
“Seriously?”
“Um hm.”
“I thought something had happened or something had upset you or–”
“Something did happen.”
“What happened?” I asked, eyebrows crinkling as I listened for details.
“I didn’t see my Summer.”
I covered my mouth with my hand, refusing to engage in Saul’s silliness. I failed at the task. Miserably.
His tone changed. So did his breathing. So did something within me.
“I miss you, Summer.”
Gnawing on my bottom lip, I pushed out warm air and squeezed my eyelids together. It felt so soon but it felt so right.
“I’ve missed you as well.”
The phone began to ring against my ear. I lifted it to find a FaceTime call coming through.
“Answer,” Saul demanded.
I pressed the green button as I sat up completely. I slid toward the corner of the porch where pillows supplied the comfort I desired while reading for hours on end.
“You look pretty.”
Shaking my head with a smile, I used my manners.
“Thank you.”
He was in a white shirt without sleeves. His gym visits were apparent, making his chest and arms bulge so beautifully. Not too much but just enough to let me know I felt like a sack of feathers in his arms last night.
“Lay back down.”
“Hm?”
“You were lying down before I FaceTimed you.”
“How do you know that?”
“Your voice.”
I accepted the response, knowing it had likely changed.
“I’m fine here.”
I slid down onto the pillows, resting my head on them. Though I wasn’t flat on my back anymore, my comfort wasn’t disturbed.
“You hear that?” He asked, smile brimming as he showed nearly all thirty-two of his teeth.
My God, he’s gorgeous.
“Hear what?”
He paused, turning the sound up in the background.
“I remember when my heart broke– I remember wh–” he belted, terribly so but it was the cutest thing I’d seen in all of my existence.
“I screamed I hated you, somehow deep inside still loving you,” I joined.
“Sad and lonely.”
We joined in to complete half the lyrics of the song before it changed.
“What you know about that shit, Summer?”
“I put your picture on my mirror,” I sang.
“Start to blush when somebody says your name.”
“In my stomach there’s a pain. See you walk in my direction…”
“I go the other way!”
I couldn’t help myself. Giggles erupted as we continued.
Line after line.
Song after song.
Artist after artist.
Joy crept into my spirit and didn’t leave until I closed my eyes for the night, hoping every day of my life were last the last two.