Chapter 9
CHAPTER NINE
I stood on the porch of Summer’s home, fist pounding against the door. I made a mental note to grab batteries for the doorbell. I’d promised her father I would, but had forgotten on the way over.
Knock.
Knock.
“Su– Sums!”
I cringed at the sound of her father’s cough. Yelling her name took more out of him than a walk across his living room or a dash to the kitchen.
Batteries.
Batteries.
Batteries.
Batteries.
I etched them in my memory, hating the idea of him struggling to get Summer’s attention. I stuffed my hand in my pocket and retrieved my cell. Just as I located her contact, the locks began to turn.
Oxygen drained from my lungs. My eyes pricked with pride. I swallowed back whatever was stuck in my throat.
“Summer–”
Gorgeous was her name.
Her face was lightly covered in makeup. Sparkly browns rested on her eyelids.
Her cheeks were red. Her hair hung down her back.
And, on her head was the prettiest scarf with the prettiest pattern printed all over.
Her nails were freshly manicured. Rings accessorized almost every finger.
The cream dress she wore was simple, but it was refreshing.
“Hi.”
I breathed out, “Hi, baby.”
“I’ll be right out. I need to make sure my father is okay. He hasn’t been feeling well today,” she explained.
“Is there anything I can do to help?”
She shook her head. “No. I’ll just be a second.”
“Take your time. I’ll be right here.”
The door sealed again. I peered down at my cell.
6:42p.
We were still on schedule. Tardiness wasn’t in my plans, but suddenly I didn’t care if we didn’t make the 7:00p entrance my family had planned.
Slowly, I paced the porch. With each passing second, I wanted to enter Summer’s home and assist her father. However, there were boundaries she’d put in place that I promised not to ever cross. Those included her father and her feelings. They were both sensitive subjects that were near to her heart.
6:50p
I leaned against the post at the end of the porch. The score cards for the games kept me occupied. However, I was missing Summer something awful. Just as the thought crossed my mind, the door opened again.
“Sorry that took so long.”
“No need for apologies. Is everything okay?”
The sadness in her eyes couldn’t be mistaken.
“No,” she admitted, “He won’t let me get him to the hospital but I think he could use some medical intervention. He’s stubborn.”
He’s tired. The words never left my mouth. I couldn’t tell Summer what her father had told me. I couldn’t break her heart tonight. It was already in shambles.
“If you’d rather stay home and take care of your father, I can go alone tonight. I’ll come back and stay here with you. I don’t mind.”
“I know. But, it’s fine. He won’t allow it. He’s insisting I continue with my plans.”
“Alright. We won’t stay the entire night. An hour and a half at best, alright?”
“Okay.”
6:54p
We settled into the truck and were on our way to the venue. Summer’s silence was deafening.
“I love what you have on.”
“Thank you.”
She was truly the sweetest piece of my human experience.
“And you smell divine.”
A smile turned her lips upward as her eyes finally met mine.
There she goes.
“I’ve missed you all night and all day,” she confessed, full of emotions.
I didn’t miss the slight crack in her voice.
“Are you okay?”
She shook her head.
“No. I’m not and I don’t have an answer as to why. I’m just feeling so many things. So many different things, Saul.”
“Like?”
“Love–” she rushed out, “And grief. And pain. And pride. And comfort. And discomfort. And heartache. And healing. And… everything at once.”
I wished I could ease her mind. Take away that pain she spoke of.
“I’m sorry you’re not feeling your best right now, Summer. I want to help you work through all the things you’re feeling. How can I do that?”
“Just by being here. Just by doing what you do so well. Just keeping me smiling and talking and out of my head. I don’t want to be there tonight. I want to enjoy our time together.”
“You will.”
“I know,” she exhaled.
“But, about that first feeling,” I cleared my throat. “The love.”
I knew Summer well enough to know how much fear she packed in that heart of hers.
The fear of rejection.
The fear of neglect.
The fear of disappointment.
The fear of disappearance.
“Um hm.”
“I feel it, too. I’ve been feeling it since I laid eyes on you but as of late, it’s all in my fucking chest and it won’t get out. I don’t want it to either. I like it there as long as it’s for you.”
“So you’re saying–”
“I’m saying exactly what you’re saying, Miss Summer.
I’m saying I love you. I’m saying my heart is hurting knowing yours is hurting.
I’m saying I wish I could dissolve your worries tonight.
I’m saying I wish there was a way to make sure you never worried, feared, or managed to get hurt again in this lifetime.
“Because, I hate that look on your face. Those tears in your eyes. That damper on your spirit. But, I’m going to do everything in my power to lift it. That’s my job now. You’re my job, and I anticipate the hour I clock in each day.”
“I’m a work in progress,” Summer chuckled softly.
“You’re a woman watching the person she loves die.
Each breath he takes could be his last and that pains you more than anything else in the world.
The same man would do anything to stay here and watch you become his wildest dream.
Meanwhile you’re still mourning the absence of the woman who decided not to stay and has yet to see the woman you’ve become.
You’ve been grieving your entire life, Summer.
“This time, it’s actually someone deserving and you don’t know how to deal with that pain.
Maybe you are a work in progress, Summer, but don’t forget that these are the cards that were dealt to you.
Every card you chose on your own has been the right one.
You’re everything you ever hoped you’d be.
Every aspect of your life you have control of has turned out beautifully.
Give yourself grace… Miss Work in Progress. ”
She peered up at me with glistening orbs.
“Thank you.”
“I’m here now, baby, and I’m not leaving. Life can keep trying you, but you won’t go through it or get through it alone.”
I took her hand into mine and kissed the back of it. Her skin was as soft as she was. Quietly, we pulled into the dining hall, just six minutes after my designated time of arrival.
“You’re stunning,” I whispered in Summer’s ear as we stepped inside of the building.
Guests were scrambling about, trying to find their way. I was in awe of my mother’s ability to pull things together so well. Every image on her vision board had come to life.
“This place is incredible.”
“With eighteen restrooms. I’m thinking of sneaking you into one and seeing what’s underneath that dress.”
Sniggering, she pushed my hand from her waist.
“You know exactly what’s under this dress. You’ve seen it at least twenty times.”
“It might look a little different tonight.”
“You’ll know soon enough.”
“That’s good enough for me, Miss Summer.”
I took her hand, leading her into the main ballroom.
“Let me introduce you to the parentals. Don’t mind my mother. Tardiness is not her cup of tea.”
“Mine either. I will be sure to apologize.”
“There’s no need. She’ll be alright. I’ll explain later. Public confrontation isn’t her thing either. She’ll hold onto most of her shit until we’re alone.”
“A wise woman.”
“I told you– you remind me of her.”
“Saul! It’s so good to see you, baby.”
My grandmother pulled me into her bosom. After our embrace, I stepped back and pulled Summer forward.
“Good seeing you, too, Granny. This is Summer. Summer, this is Granny, my father’s mother.”
“Hello. Nice to meet you.”
Summer extended a hand, but was denied. Instead, Granny wrapped her arms around Summer and quickly reminded her that a mother’s love actually existed.
The warmth she shared was crippling. I’d experienced it so many times before.
Paralyzed with goodness and sureness, everything her embrace supplied, Summer tried regaining control of her body parts.
I chuckled, knowing exactly what was happening. It happened to everyone Granny encountered. She had a way about her. And, her hugs were healing.
“Nice to meet you, too, Suga. You’re such a pretty girl.”
Granny brushed hair from Summer’s shoulder, pushing it behind her back. Her touch was the rehabilitation most limbs needed, mine included. Whenever the world became too much for me, it was her arms I ran into. She had a way with words and the world.
“Thank you. I’m in love with your dress,” Summer complimented.
“I got it at a second-hand shop. I’ve had it for thirty years and it’s still in pristine condition.”
“How?” Summer asked, curious.
“I keep it in a laundry bag. Zipped and I air it out about twice a year. That’s it.”
“Oh, that’s a great idea.”
“Um hm. You have to preserve the best pieces. For me, it’s quality over quantity. Always has been.”
“Granny, I have to get her to the top of that table to meet my parents,” I explained, otherwise we’d never leave her side.
Summer had fallen in love and so had Granny.
“Alright. Go ahead. Your father is beaming. His heart is full. Your mother made sure of it.”
“I bet.”
My mother left no stone unturned when it came to my father and her boys. She was the gentlest beast one would ever meet. Her cubs and her mate were the way to her heart and the quickest way to her dark side.
“Come on, baby.”
I’d never let go of Summer’s hand. I guided her toward the table, stopping near the beginning where my brothers were seated. The entire dining hall was tuned into the short film that my mother had prepared for the evening. It detailed my father’s life up until this point.
“Christian–” I paused, “Summer. Summer… Christian, the oldest.”
“Nice to meet you.”
“Likewise,” Summer responded with a smile.
“Joshua, Summer. Summer, Joshua. The youngest.”
“Hello, Summer.”
“Hello. Nice to meet you.”
“Same. Same.”
I moved along, grabbing my father’s attention.
“Pops–”
“Yeah son,” he breathed out, turning in the wrong direction.
He quickly corrected his mistake. His eyes landed on Summer and his body stiffened. He was in utter disbelief of her beauty.
“Oh, Saul. You’ve done a fine job, son.”
He extended a hand for Summer to take. He placed his other hand on top of her hand and found those browns of her.
“Dad, this is Summer, the woman in my life.”
“I’m Rueben Rutherford, Saul’s father. And, this is– honey– honey–” he called out to my mother, attempting to get her attention.
She turned, unsure of why he was beckoning for her. When she laid eyes on the cause for commotion, the uncertainty on her face dissolved. Her cheeks lifted and her lips curled upward into a smile.
“And this is my wife, Angela Rutherford.”
Summer’s grip around my hand tightened. She struggled to find words. The sparkle in her eyes disappeared and was replaced with tears. She swallowed back, suddenly unsure of herself. I watched her rapid decline in high definition.
No.
No.
What’s the matter?
Summer.
“Angela, this is Summer, Saul’s girlfriend.”
“Nice to meet you, Summer. I’m Saul’s mother. You’re such a pretty girl. Hopefully my son isn’t giving you too many problems,” my mother joked.
Summer didn’t find anything funny. Her face was straight. Her body was rigid. Her eyebrows were cinched and pushed forward.
I turned, facing her while blocking my parent’s view. I wasn’t inclined to what was happening in that pretty head of hers but before anyone else discovered it, I wanted to be the first to know.
“Baby, what’s the matter?”
“I need to go.”
“Summer.”
“Saul– I need to go. I need to get home to my father.”
“Is everything alright?”
She shook her head. “Nothing– nothing is alright.”
“Talk to me.”
She turned, heading in the opposite direction.
“Is everything okay?” My mother asked.
Ignoring her, I focused on Summer.
“Son–” my father called out, but I was in too deep.
I didn’t hear anyone or see anything but Summer. She was a few steps ahead of me and the only thing I was interested in was catching up to her. She was my priority. She always would be.
“Summer. Slow down, baby. Talk to me.”
She ignored my pleas and continued toward the parking lot. I rushed behind her, finally catching up to her as we neared my truck. I planted her body against the bed of the pickup and immediately regretted it.
Tears trickled down her cheeks at an alarming rate. Her makeup was ruined. Her face was wet with shame, regret, disgust, and pain.
My heart ached.
My head ached.
My stomach ached.
My entire fucking body ached.
“Baby– what’s the matter?”
“Th– that’s her.”
“That’s who?”
“Her, Saul. It’s her.”
“Summer, you’ve got to be clearer, love. I’m not following.”
“My MOTHER.”
My heart broke.
My head ached.
My stomach ached.
My entire fucking body ached.
“Su– Sum– Summe–”
My hands landed on my head as I stepped away. I paced back and forward trying to process what had just been revealed. I didn’t understand. There was no way that could’ve been true. It had to be a fucking joke.
The woman that loved me with every fiber in her being loved Summer… none? It didn’t make sense. I wasn’t biologically hers, but she’d stepped into my life and raised me as if she’d carried me for nine months. However, the child she actually carried was craving her love, her hugs, and her presence.
“She didn’t even recognize me.”
“Summer, I’m sorry.”
“I need to get home.”
“I’ll take you home.”
“Saul– I need a minute. I need a minute. I need–”
“Me, Summer. And, I’m here. For as long as you need me.”
“I need to get to my father.”
“Then, that’s where I’m taking you.”
“But, then, I need you to–”
“I understand,” I admitted, “I’ll give you the space you need. I’ll give you the time you need, but I won’t wait long, Summer.”
I stepped up to her, catching her chin with the tips of my fingers.
“I’ll be back. You understand me?”
Crying on my fingertips, Summer crumbled.
“When I told you you’re not alone anymore, I meant that in every regard…
even this one. I have some shit to straighten out myself, so time is what we both might need at the moment.
But, there won’t be too much time, Summer.
There will never be too much time. The week can have you, but you’re mine on weekends. Every weekend. Understood?”
Nodding, she sniffled. “Understood.”
“Good.”