Chapter 18 #2
The gasp it solicits from her is a sound I never want to hear her make again—not in this way, not under these kinds of circumstances.
I have no doubt she can feel my probing now.
Even for an untrained human, it is hard to ignore this much intrusion.
This is not a level of surveillance I would risk for covert observation.
But the fragment of unearthly power I’m seeking is still further inside her soul.
I must continue. I’m close enough now that I can feel the shadows of the strong, foreign entity. It is a presence that is both living and dead, almost seeming to writhe at being noticed. In my very, very long existence, I have never experienced anything like it.
I’m vaguely aware that Kae is breathing heavily, but I’m so close to my target. So close to observing this phenomenon, to being able to fully understand it—
Suddenly, the entity violently repels my presence, as if I’ve crossed an invisible line I didn’t realize existed.
It takes me into a chokehold, furiously, defensively strangling my entire soul.
The opposition is so powerful, so forceful, that its effects echo into my physical body, causing it to react as if I’m truly suffocating.
I try to pull away, but the entity resists. Punishing me. Attempting to clamp down even harder with a crushing, crushing pressure—
Narrowly, I yank myself out of its grasp.
A cough wracks through me, as if I have just surfaced from a furious water that sought to drown me. It is an effort to catch my breath through manual methods, but for reasons I cannot understand, I welcome the human-like sensation of physical pain.
I do not know how I got to my knees, or how long I stay there. I forget Kae is still with me on this cliff until her light hand touches my shoulders, causing me to shiver imperceptibly.
My eyes jerk open, finding her on her knees beside me.
She, too, is breathing heavily. Sweat beads on her forehead, soaking her clothes. Even her beautiful copper-brown hair is dulled and matted with it. “What… just happened?”
Suddenly aware of the vulnerability I’ve put upon myself, I jump to my feet, forcing the air in my lungs to burn no longer. “You wanted answers for what dwells inside you. It appears the entity does not wish to be understood.”
Her eyes flash with surprise, but she quickly tucks it away. Slowly, she rises to her feet, her joints popping in the process. “You could have warned me first.”
“I did.” Keeping my face indifferent, I watch her every movement.
“You did not say it would be so painful.”
Painful—for me, or for her? Was she in as much pain as I was? I should have been paying closer attention. “I did not know it would be.”
“Well, what the hell was it? What do you mean by ‘entity’?”
I hate that I do not have all the answers she seeks. I shake my head, mostly to myself, and drop the volume of my voice. “I wish I knew. It did not seem of this world or the next. Neither living nor dead. It was… incomplete.”
Listlessly, she drops her eyes, turns away, and walks back over to the cliffside to gaze at the Abyss.
I’ve heard that humans sometimes have delayed reactions to shocking information. Their emotions get in the way of logical thought, and it takes them some time to work through it, so I helplessly watch her as she looks upon my city.
The air is temporarily stilled, and her dark hair falls flat, hugging her body’s perspiration in a trail down her back. I could marvel all day at how magnificently human it is, flawed and unique and so very fascinating.
But then she turns back to me, her eyes seeming to reignite with determination. “What do I need to do? How do I access it?”
“Sit,” I instruct, waving a hand in the direction of a waist-high boulder. And for what might be the first time since I’ve met the girl, she obeys my command without objection. It brings me some sort of… quiet satisfaction.
It would certainly help our training proceed more expeditiously if I understood what drives her reactions. What makes this girl more obedient to me? More compliant?
Delicately, I stroke an invisible hand along the tether between our souls. Gauging her emotions, tasting the fear... Fear. It’s so complex, I cannot untangle the cause without her notice. I can only assume she’s worried this will be painful.
That is counterproductive to the training.
“There is no need to be afraid. Nothing will hurt you.” Emotional projection is a harmless, small skill when used in benevolence, so I take the liberty of projecting some of my spirit’s calm to hers. “Close your eyes.”
Again, she obeys my command without hesitation.
Again, the strange satisfaction inside me grows, and I realize what it is when my body heats in all the wrong places. I ignore it the best I can, listening to every breath and steady heartbeat of hers. I refuse to let go of her soul until I feel it settle into peace.
“I need you to look inward, Kae. If this… entity…”
“Biblical parasite,” she corrects me under her breath.
“…will not allow me close enough to observe its nature, then perhaps you will have a better chance at gleaning information about it.”
“I don’t know what I’m even supposed to look for.”
“Start by isolating your perception of your own soul’s boundaries, and then search for a fragment of something Other.”
“You say that like this is a common thing humans do.” Her brow furrows, but she keeps her eyes shut. “I’m not a monk. I don’t meditate. I have absolutely no idea how I’m supposed to feel the boundaries of my soul and shit.”
“Try,” I growl through gritted teeth.
Her pugnacious tenacity is so very taxing.
KAE
This is ridiculous.
Several minutes of a whole lot of nothing pass.
“There’s nothing there, Abaddon. Can’t you do whatever you did to aggravate it?” Not that I particularly want to experience that uncomfortable, oppressive feeling again, but at least it was enough to convince me that there is, in fact, something else inside of me.
“I would advise against it.”
I half-grunt, half-growl in response.
A few more minutes pass.
Still. Nothing.
I don’t have whatever angel sense he uses to detect souls. I’m not even sure any human can do such a thing! My frustration builds and builds until I finally flick my eyes open, glaring at him sideways as I snap, “You’re making me look for an imaginary object.”
His arms are crossed, the metal of his black armor gleaming in the afternoon light. The slight breeze whips his creepy cape around, and his silver hair tousles slightly. Somehow, he still manages to look both menacing and elegant.
As if the bastard can’t believe I’m being serious, he slowly raises his eyebrows. “I can assure you, souls certainly exist.”
“Yeah? Then where the hell are they?” I motion vaguely around me. “Why can’t I see them? Touch them?”
“You can. They are simply in a higher dimension.”
If he were anyone but an angel, I’d declare he’s on drugs.
Unfortunately, though, I can never revert to my prior understanding of reality. If he says souls are real, then they’re most likely real… But I’m pissed off, and I care very little about common sense when I’m angry.
“Oh? And how does a mere human such as myself get to see this higher dimension?”
“You already did.” His stark, pale eye stare blankly at me. “You were in pain earlier, weren’t you? When I tried to observe the star? The line between the dimensions blurred in that moment.”
“Well, then do it again.” I tip my chin up, trying to bolster my confidence. “I’ll try to recognize the difference and use it to wedge myself in.”
“No.”
“No?” I repeat.
“No, I do not want to disturb your ‘biblical parasite’ again. It’s too volatile. There are other ways.”
“What other—” I choke mid-sentence at the sudden unnatural sensation that washes over me. My eyes widen, darting to Abaddon’s face, seeking some sort of explanation for it. But his blank expression gives away nothing. Of course.
It feels like I’m literally being pulled towards him—and yet, not at all. My body isn’t moving by a physical force, per se. But the compulsion, the pull… It’s like an unignorable instinct.
“Well?” he asks. And I swear to God, the corners of his lips pull up ever-so-slightly. “You said you wanted to recognize the difference. What do you feel?”
My hand grabs at my chest, as if I can sever whatever hold he has over me. My breathing is ragged—
“Breathe, Kae.”
Him saying my name doesn’t make me feel any better. I don’t want to associate him with anything human-like. I hate him. Absolutely hate him. Die, die, die.
“I will kill you for this!” My face contorts into a snarl as I jump up, stalking across the cliffside with every intention to punch him in the face, and then—
My rage suddenly plummets, flickering out.
“You’re…” I have no words. No feelings. Nothing. I am a blanket of melancholy, and it’s wholly unnatural.
“Yes, I am,” he hums. Another violent pull of compulsion has me desperate to move towards him again, though I try my best to resist it. “Do you feel the source yet?”
“I… suppose?”
His hint of a smile doesn’t falter. “What does it feel like?”
“A pull.”
“That’s because it is. Everyone’s soul has tethers to other souls. They just exist in a higher dimension, beyond your physical body. Try finding the pathway between us and pulling back.”
In my distraction, listening to his words, I give in to the compulsion. My feet drag me closer to him, bringing me right up to his towering body and obnoxiously beautiful face. I can’t even help it. I’m dying to be closer to him. “I can’t possibly do that.”
“Try,” he grinds out slowly, his voice a low growl.
My breathing hitches.
I certainly feel it, whatever he’s doing, but I’m hopeless to stop it. My hands reach out with a mind of their own, touching his face, his stubbled jawline, so broad and delightfully angled. Sliding down, down to the pulse thrumming on his neck. I want to swim inside of it, be inside of him—
Wait. No, I don’t. What the fuck?
I grind my teeth, focusing on the pull. Vaguely, I can sense it, hiding in some strange pocket between here and… Elsewhere. I try to grasp around with my mind so that I might pull it back, but my hand takes it too literally, grabbing the collar of Abaddon’s armor.
All to no avail.
Wherever the pull is coming from, I can’t quite reach it.
“Abaddon,” I pant, my grip tightening, pulling his head down towards me.
My face finds his muscled neck, inhaling him and that thrumming pulse in his jugular.
He smells like charcoal and vanilla, sandalwood and heaven.
“As much as I want to master this, I don’t know if it’s going to happen today.
I think I’m more likely to try to eat you, become you, or fuck you. ”
I hadn’t realized he was frozen still until his eyes flare wide and he steps back, nearly shoving me off him in the process. The metaphysical pull disintegrates, and I’m able to focus again. Abaddon’s breathing is ragged, and so is mine, but that look on his face… I think he might be afraid of me.
And here I am, looking at him like he’s a tasty piece of meat.
“That’s enough for today,” he says firmly, backing away.
“You don’t say?” I put my hands on my knees and lean my weight into them, catching my breath. I can’t stop thinking about biting his goddamn neck. I wonder what his skin would taste like. Salty? Sweet? “Again, a warning would have been nice.”
“Tomorrow.”
Not even a breath later, I’m hit with a gust of wind and the sound of beating wings, propelling him away from here in a hurry.