Chapter 4 #2
While my mom was the life of the party, my dad was more laid back.
I may take after my mom in regard to the random singing, but as far as my personality goes, I’m my father’s daughter.
At first, he appears quiet. It’s when he becomes comfortable around someone that the goofball comes out.
That’s me. I remember always feeling like an oddball because I could never just go and talk to someone without overanalyzing everything in my head.
When I was diagnosed with anxiety at fourteen, everything about me made sense.
It’s why I had more of a difficult time making friends, except Cas.
It’s like my soul had been searching for his, because the second I laid eyes on him, the anxious thoughts were silenced.
When I told Cas about the anxiety, he went into overdrive, asking me what I needed and how he could help me.
He used to be so compassionate, so understanding.
But when I tried to confront him about his own anxiety, his tune changed real quick.
That’s a wound I don’t think will ever heal.
The only way to get over that is with Cas owning up to his wrongs.
And given everything that’s happened recently, I don’t see that happening.
That’s probably why this whole ordeal with him hit me so hard.
I reach out and touch the cold ceramic urn in an attempt to be close to them.
“Oh, Mom and Dad, what do I do? Did I make the right decision with Cas?” I know I won’t get a response, but I ask regardless.
When I’m met with the expected silence, I do the next best thing and call my bestie, Brianna.
My parents’ struggled for years to conceive me.
When they finally had me, that was it for them.
I used to ask for a sibling every day when I was around six-years-old.
Eventually, it got to a point that my parents had to sit me down and explain why that wasn’t in the cards for them.
I was devastated. I’ve learned through therapy that it plays into why I have a hard time letting my guard down with people.
It’s probably why I all but tackled Cas to the ground, telling him we would be friends.
Something inside me needed whatever was inside him.
So Brianna is the closest thing I have to a sister.
We have been thick as thieves ever since sophomore year of college when we literally ran into each other in the hallway.
We were both on our way to class, but never made it because we laughed so hard.
Bri’s loud, eccentric personality compliments my quiet, timid nature.
She’s the sister I always wanted, but never thought I’d have, let alone deserved.
The phone rings twice before I hear Bri’s peppy voice. “Hey, girl, what’s up?”
“Bri, I need a distraction. Let’s do something.”
“Ya know I’m all for distractions, but why do we need one?”
“Cas—" Was all I was able to get out before Bri cuts me off.
“Got it. I’m on my way. I’ll pick up cookie dough ice cream, your favorite sparkling water, and some crazy face masks. Give me fifteen minutes,” Bri says before hanging up.
True to her promise, Bri barges in fifteen minutes later, arms full of reusable grocery bags. I go to help her unload everything so I can give her a proper hug. The second my arms wrap around her body, all the tension drains from mine and I let out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding.
“Thank you for coming.” My voice cracks.
“Of course, Aves. I got you, always.” She squeezes me for a few seconds before letting go.
Bri sets up everything on the coffee table in the living room while I search for two spoons for our ice cream. When I reenter the living room, Bri is cuddling under a fuzzy blanket with a panda sheet mask on her face. I scramble toward the couch and crawl under the blanket alongside Bri.
“Here, put this on before we eat our ice cream.” In Bri’s hand is a crazy, sloth-looking sheet mask and I can’t help but chuckle.
She would pick the sloth for me. We have been doing silly sheet masks since our college days.
It makes my heart all warm and fuzzy. I apply the gooey, cold mask to my face before turning toward my best friend to make a silly face.
Well, an even sillier face because I’m already wearing a sloth-face mask.
“Do you want to talk about it or do you need a moment to process it?” Bri asks.
“Nope, I’m good. But, I think I just need to vent it out.
” Bri nods in understanding before I share everything that happened this morning.
She reaches over to squeeze my hand, not letting go until I do.
She’s always been good at silent comfort.
Besides Cas, Bri is the only other person who I felt an instant connection with.
I don’t think I took much of a breath while sharing everything, because I felt out of breath when I finished speaking.
“So yeah, that’s been my morning. You know me, overthinking is my specialty. I just feel like I—" Bri’s palm on my knee has me stopping mid-sentence.
“Avery, that was a lot that happened this morning. Give yourself some time to let it marinate before you add any more ingredients to the pot. Remember what you learned in therapy. Use those challenging skills, girl. And if you can’t, then I got you.
So take whatever you were about to say and reword it inside your head.
Because I know for damn sure you are not about to be mean to my best friend. ”
I lock that suggestion away for later, knowing full well she’s right.
Instead, I focus on laughing, reminiscing on our college days, and taking silly photos for my Instagram.
While there’s nothing I want more than to have the life we had in my dream, I know I can’t throw away the work I’ve done on myself over the years.