Chapter 15
Cassidy
The best friend bootcamp
My conversation with Asher has been playing in my head for weeks, but my brain is still an empty canvas.
What does he mean by ‘remind her of our friendship’?
I needed to prove myself to her through my actions, but I could only think to talk to her.
I scrub my face aggressively, irritated that I can't figure it out. I thought about contacting Asher again to get more guidance, but he’s right.
I need to figure this shit out on my own.
Feeling suffocated by the walls of my bedroom, I make my way downstairs in desperate need of some air.
One of the many pros of rehab is learning to find healthy outlets for our feelings.
I found that going for a walk or run mixed with some strength training has saved my mental health.
Sure, I may have some abs from it, but that wasn’t the end goal.
I just want to feel better, and I feel incredible after a workout.
I glance over toward Avery’s house and wonder if she thinks I’ve given up on her.
I haven't talked to her since our last conversation. She made her demands, and I can’t go to her now without a plan.
She was so hurt the last time I saw her.
I keep praying she hasn't given up hope.
I let myself take one more glance at her house before I continue.
Something about walking along the water is soothing.
My mind is eerily quiet and my body is calm.
The dock comes into my line of sight and I pause a moment, allowing happy memories to fill my mind.
Instead of continuing down the path, I make my way over to sit down.
I stare out at the water and remember all the times Avery and I would sit in this spot whenever we needed a break from life.
I laugh as my mind revisits the jumps we would do and the ridiculous names we would come up with while in mid-air.
Other memories are like a blizzard in my brain. I remember Avery and I sneaking out of the house to stargaze, pushing each other on the swings, playing games at the park, having movie marathons, and baking cookies. No matter what we did together, I was always happy. We both were.
Remind her of the friendship you used to have.
The lightbulb in my head goes off. I reach into my pocket for my phone to text Asher before I lose my train of thought.
Me: I’ve figured out what I want to do to win Avery back. Are you busy?
Asher: I’m at work and my buddy is coming to hang out, but you’re welcome to hang out with us.
Me: Be there in thirty.
I like hanging out at Aces. Who knew I could hang out in a bar and not get shit-faced? My friendship with Asher has also been a pleasant surprise. Having someone else in my corner who will be supportive, but also call me out on my bullshit, is something I’ve needed.
Twenty-five minutes later, I’m sitting at one of Ace’s bar stools, hanging out with Asher while he makes drinks for the other patrons.
I’m drinking my water and minding my business when someone sits on the stool next to me.
Whoever it is must be Asher’s friend. I glance up and come face-to-face with the man that was at Avery’s house. Fuck.
“Oh, hey, Cas. Didn’t know you’d be here today,” Max says as he claps me on the back. How is he so chill with me when I was a complete ass to him?
“Yeah. Hey, listen. I’m sorry for being such a dick to you that day at Avery’s house.” I put a smile on my face, hoping he won’t cuss me out.
“I’d be jealous, too, if someone was after my girl.” Max’s face breaks out into a lopsided grin so contagious you can’t help but smile back.
“Thanks, man. Wait, she's not my girl…” is all I manage to say.
“She is,” Asher and Max respond, simultaneously. Asher walks over to us with a drink in his hand for Max.
“She's not. We’re just friends. Well, trying to be, I guess.” I look at them as they glance at each other before bursting into laughter.
“So, this plan is solely for rekindling your friendship and nothing more? I call bullshit,” Asher huffs.
Max looks between the two of us, looking like a lost puppy. “Wait, what am I missing?”
Asher turns toward Max to fill him in while I groan into my glass.
“Cas wants to repair his relationship with Avery. He says it’s just to be friends with her again, but after his little jealousy stint when he saw you at Avery’s, I think it’s more than that.
” Asher and Max look at me with knowing grins on their faces.
Bastards.
“Wait, you were jealous of me? You didn’t think Avery and I—” Max starts to ask the question, but my grimace stops him. Then, within seconds, Max is wheezing because of how hard he’s laughing.
“Me and—me and Avery? Dude, no. We kissed once a long time ago, but yeah, that’s—oh God, that's fucking funny.”
“Wow, gee, thanks,” I grumble. But it’s hard to stay irritated. Max is a golden retriever, a child in an adult body.
“Okay, okay. So what plan do you have?” Max genuinely asks. I tell them about my walk and how I thought about everything Avery and I used to do together. Asher takes out a pad of paper and writes down each activity.
Play at the playground
Hang out by the dock
Stargaze *make sure to include her favorite snacks*
Bake cookies together
Asher rips out the paper and hands it over to me.
Thinking of these things in my head is one thing, but seeing them on paper makes them feel real.
Despite the air conditioning, my body feels hot and my heart rate accelerates.
I expected only to feel panic at this plan, but there was excitement, as well.
I look up from the paper, knowing this might just work, but still, I need some reassurance.
I’m nervous that she’ll think my idea is stupid.
“What do you guys think? You think it’ll work?” I ask, my voice wavering with uncertainty.
“It feels like you took my advice seriously, so I’m cool with it,” Asher responds.
“Knowing Avery, I think that’ll work. It’s like a best friend bootcamp.” Max shrugs. I whip my head in his direction.
“Best friend bootcamp? That’s genius. Thanks, man. And to be clear, it’s just to rekindle my friendship. Besides, I doubt she’d want me in that way.”
“That is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard,” Max deadpans. “Avery’s into you.”
“It's true. I mean, Giselle hooked up with you, so clearly, you aren't hideous. That woman is picky,” Asher chimes in.
“He hooked up with Giselle?” Max is shocked, but there is a quick flash of something before it disappears.
Asher just nods his head with a smirk on his face.
He totally saw that look on Max's face, too. “That was stupid as hell, dude. I hope you plan to stay away from her. Okay, now let's get back to this list. When you get to the part about baking cookies, get messy. Rub some cookie dough on her face and neck. Hell, have a food fight. Now that sounds hot as fuck. Then you’ll have an excuse to lick it off of her, and if things progress from there, well, you’re welcome.” Max is so much like his sister, Bri. It's scary.
“Yeah, let me do just that. Avery will definitely let me lick the cookie dough off her body.” I laugh at the ridiculousness of it all.
“Trust me, she’ll love it,” Max says.
I glance at Asher with a can you believe this guy face, but he’s nodding in agreement with Max. “Sorry, dude, but I agree. From what you’ve told me, I think she’ll let you lick it off of her.”
The rest of the evening fills with laughter, and Max and Asher plotting how to move me out of the friend zone with Avery.
Making friends as an adult is hard. Almost everyone you come in contact with already has their set friends, like Max and Asher.
Yet, they want to take me in and include me.
All of my friendships in the past, besides Avery, have been surrounded by drugs and lies.
Am I going all in with the two people in front of me?
No, but I am trying to allow myself to have these types of friendships.
As I walk out of the bar and towards my car, I see a shadow pass out of my peripheral vision, causing me to feel like a deer in headlights.
My breathing becomes heavy as I prepare for whoever is there to approach me.
But nothing happens, making me think that I imagined the shadow.
I don’t let out the breath I’ve been holding until I pull away from the bar parking lot.
I head home, thinking about the friendship I’m creating with Max and Asher.
It feels incredible to be myself around them and have them accept me without hesitation.
They know of my past issues and still want to be around me.
While productive, this day has been emotionally draining and I’m exhausted.
I start to get ready for bed, but then I remember my conversation with Asher about my interests.
I glance at my closet, knowing my camera is likely collecting dust. Before I lose motivation, I move toward the box in the closet, and as I pull it out, an album falls to the floor.
I pick up the black, leather-bound book and move toward my bed, placing my camera on the nightstand.
I haven’t seen this thing in ages. I flip through the book and see a plethora of pictures.
Some are photos of my grandparents dancing in the kitchen.
Others are landscapes and sunsets. But the ones that stick out the most are of the person I’m trying to win back.
There’s one in particular that stands out to me the most. It’s at our spot on the dock; the sky is a mix of reds, yellows, and pinks blended seamlessly.
Avery is sitting at the edge of the dock wearing a yellow sundress with daisies on it, her hair in a loose ponytail.
Curly tendrils escape her hairband to frame her face.
She looks to be aggressively writing in one of her many journals, her tongue peeking out in concentration.
I run my fingers over the photo. She looks radiant.
Looking at this still image of Avery, I notice inspiration bubbling within me.
I want to capture every moment with her.
I want to stare at these photos years down the road and be able to remember everything.
Max’s words about Avery being into me replay in my mind as I lay in bed.
Would trying to be more with Avery would be such a terrible idea?
Does she want to be more than friends as severely as I do?
I push those thoughts aside, knowing that self-doubt isn’t too far behind and I’m too tired to think.
I crawl into bed and prepare for the inevitable nightmares.