Chapter 20
Ah. I definitely made the right decision in coming today.
Easing back into my lounge chair on the Seaside Spa’s relaxation deck, I snuggle down into my white fluffy robe and sigh. “This is the life.”
“Right?” April’s in the seat beside me. Today, on Kelsey and Elisse’s birthday, the sky’s painted a vibrant blue, not a cloud marring its pristine surface.
On the other side of me, a spectacular view of Morro Bay opens up, the sparkling waters a deeper color than the world above but still shimmering like it holds a thousand winking secrets below its depths. A huge volcanic rock stands sentinel in the harbor, a guardian that makes this place both unique and beautiful.
My cousin shakes out her red hair and stretches her arms in a lazy way that reminds me of a cat. “That massage was probably one of the best experiences of my life.”
“And you guys had tiny women.” Across from us, Elisse cackles as she takes a sip of her champagne. “Imagine how Mare and I felt with our very brawny male massage therapists.” She nudges Marilee, whose cheeks redden as she pushes her glasses up on her nose. “I’m going to have delicious bruises for daaaaays.”
“Women can be strong too.” Kelsey’s quiet voice pipes up, a rare contradiction to her sister’s more boisterous ways. “My massage therapist was small but mighty.” Wincing, she rubs her shoulder and then tugs at one of the curls resting there.
“To strong women.” Chloe raises a glass of her cucumber water. Of all of us, she looks the most at home in this fancy place, positively regal in her white robe, her blonde, perfectly highlighted hair flowing around her like a crown. This little birthday gathering wouldn’t have been possible without her—she rented out the whole place and paid for every cent, claiming amidst our protests that it was her gift to us for being so kind when she first came to town and needed to throw a last-minute wedding for her brother.
I honestly think we made out like bandits in the bargain.
And hey, any excuse to try to forget my troubles for a day, right? To forget the pressure of the half-finished business plan waiting on my computer.
To forget the sweetness of that moment with Blake on the swing three nights ago. How I nearly begged him to stay—not just out there on the porch with me, but in Hallmark Beach.
To forget that wretched kiss from just over a week ago. The one I keep replaying in my mind. The one that I’m fairly certain will go down in history as the best kiss of my life despite its brevity and simplicity.
So, yeah. Thank the good Lord for distraction.
We all raise our glasses of whatever we are drinking—a bubbling Diet Coke in a fancy spa tumbler for me—and shout “hear hear” before taking sips and giggling. It’s nice to be all together and to be celebrating. Since we’re mostly all the same age (save April, who is two years younger and Chloe, who is a year older), I’ve celebrated every one of the twins’ birthdays with them since I moved here. We were friends in high school, though not as close as we are now, when we naturally formed bonds because we all stayed in town after graduation.
Of course, the twins stayed because their family owns a local business. Loveland Winery is a staple around Hallmark Beach, producing some of the best wines in the whole state and employing lots of seasonal workers. They’ve also started hosting events on site, and there’s talk of them building cabins on the property to have year-round guests as well—so long as Mrs. Loveland can get Mr. Loveland on board.
“What’s the latest and greatest with everyone?” April says, her eyes bright despite the dark circles underneath. “I know I’ve been back for a few months, but I still feel so out of the loop.” And it’s no wonder. Other than me and Kelsey—her best friend from childhood—she really didn’t keep in touch with any of us when she lived in San Francisco. She turns to Elisse. “You were working at Something Blue, right? But then you quit to work at the vineyard?”
“And I’ve convinced her to work with me again part time now that I’m running Something Blue.” Chloe winks at Elisse, who rolls her eyes and pushes a strand of bobbed brown hair behind her ear.
“Yes, and by convince, she means she strong-armed me.” She snatches up a food menu from the small circular table between her and Chloe and sends her a fake-as-all-get-out glare. “Don’t let the pretty accent fool you. This one is a royal pain in the rear until she gets what she wants.”
We all laugh, because if there’s anything Chloe isn’t, it’s a pain. But Elisse likes to pretend everything annoys her, even if she’d die for any one of us. (And I have a sneaking suspicion she feels the same way about her long-time neighbor Landon Bennett, who’s worked for her family for years. She never seems as ruthlessly alive as when she’s verbally sparring with him. But don’t dare say she’s flirting, or she’ll bite your head off and turn her wit on you instead.)
“For your information, I didn’t get what I wanted.” Chloe taps her manicured nail against her glass. “I wanted you to work for me full-time as an event planner, but you only agreed to be part-time coordinator for your family’s property and a few others. Though I do plan to make full use of it.” Her smiles shows she has no ill will toward anyone, least of all Elisse, whose loyalty to her family is one of the things we all love about her.
“Yeah, yeah.” Elisse waves down our personal spa attendant, who is standing near the door into the white, wooden building where we all received our massages and are scheduled for facials after lunch. “I’m starving. Let’s order.”
The willowy woman in a beige shirt tucked into her black pants rushes over with a notepad, and we all spend a few minutes perusing the menu and placing our orders. I almost never branch out but decide to try a plate of sushi when Chloe gushes over how good it was the last time she was here.
Elisse raises an eyebrow at her sister when she orders a double cheeseburger, onion rings, and an Oreo milkshake.
“What? You only turn twenty-nine once,” Kelsey says.
“That’s not true,” Marilee pipes up. “My mom turned twenty-nine like five times before finally admitting to us that she was really in her thirties.”
Laughter comes easily now, and I wonder why I’ve spent so much time working when I could have been surrounded by my people. Because this is what life’s about.
The attendant scurries away to give our orders to the kitchen, and we break into conversation about everything going on in our lives. About how Kelsey feels stuck in her job as assistant manager at The Purple Seashell, how she keeps thinking Aunt Janine will promote her to manager, but that Janine is waiting to hear whether my older cousin Garrett—her only child from her terribly abusive, former marriage—is going to come home and run it so she can retire.
About how April’s enjoying being back at the bookstore, because there’s something reassuring in the familiar.
About how Chloe’s itching for Freddy to ask her to marry him but doesn’t think he will until their families both get more comfortable with the new relationship status—and each other.
The food’s delivered and everything smells amazing, from April’s pepperoni flatbread to Chloe’s Caesar salad and my sushi.
Then my beloved friends turn their appraising eyes my direction, and I know I’m in trouble.
“Sooooo.” And of course that’s Elisse’s antagonistic voice filled with perverse pleasure at my squirming. “How are things, Luce?”
“Fine.” I slide my chopsticks from their wrapper and, unpracticed as I am, take a moment to orient my fingers. I’m like a baby with a fork for the first time. One chopstick slides from my hand, and I huff.
“Really? You seem…frustrated about something.” Elisse cackles, and a few other friends giggle.
Ignoring them, I finally get a hold of the chopsticks correctly and lift a spicy tuna roll to my lips. The rice, seaweed, fish, and sesame seeds make an interesting dance in my mouth. I feel way more sophisticated than I am when the freshness of the tuna, the tanginess of the rice, and the spicy sauce dip and balance each other out.
After allowing myself to enjoy the bite and then swallow, I face my accusers with a lifted chin. I’ve gotta give them something true, or they’ll never leave me alone. “If you must know, work has been all consuming lately.”
They listen as I bemoan the restaurant’s lackluster performance, my own attempts at making things better—that darn business plan, for one—and how I feel bad taking any time off or away. Thankfully, Tiny’s holding down the fort on his own today, and I trust that he’s going to do great even if we never did get back around to talking about what special he’s going to offer each day this week.
When I finish, I pop another tuna roll into my mouth and chew.
“And that’s all?” Oh no, not Kelsey too. She’s not quite as teasing as her twin, but the way her voice lilts up at the end is all kinds of sunshine and hope. Whereas I don’t mind giving Elisse a little grief, I hate to disappoint where Kels is concerned. “We were kind of hoping things might be happening on the guy front.”
“I think Thomas Montrose might like me.” And where in the world did that come from? I mean, sure, it’s the truth. The sweet guy stops by the Robin now and again just to chat, to “make sure all is well,” and I think it’s nice.
My friends all glance at each other with shifty eyes and questioning looks.
“Well, yeah, that’s been obvious for a while.” Elisse waves her hand through the air. “What, do you like him back or something?”
“I don’t know.” I shrug a shoulder. Maybe I can actually get them off the scent of Blake. The idea of reliving our kiss—of having to tell them about his very sweet, very noble “rejection”—makes my stomach twist. Or maybe my gut just doesn’t like this sushi. I push my half-full plate aside and grab my Diet Coke instead. “He’s nice enough.”
Chloe purses her lips. “I thought?—”
“Maybe I should give him a chance.” I mean, I don’t want to, but my friends don’t need to know that. Although, perhaps I really should. Maybe I’ll end up with someone like Thomas. After all, he’s a good guy. Honest. A self-made businessman. And he loves Hallmark Beach just like I do. To my knowledge, he doesn’t ever plan to leave. Not that I can say that out loud without raising suspicion. So I go for the catch-all that will describe Thomas’s basic appeal. “There’s nothing wrong with him.”
“A ringing endorsement if ever I heard one.” April shakes her head at me, then laughs almost hysterically. “There’s literally zero chemistry between the two of you.”
“Maybe chemistry isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.” Oh no. Now my lower lip is actually shaking. Stop it. Stop. It. But my lip doesn’t listen, and now my whole chin is joining in the fun. Argh.
I turn my head away from my friends, allow my gaze to take in the people strolling the boardwalk below where we sit on our raised decking. I don’t know any of them. They’re all in their own worlds, Air Pods in or head down and walking somewhere with purpose.
I wouldn’t fit in here. I wouldn’t belong. The only place I belong is Hallmark Beach. It’s the only true home I’ve ever known, where the people are a comfort and a balm to my spirit—except in these moments when they flay me open with their directness. But even then, I know it’s because they love and care about me.
My fingers slide around my torso, the soft robe calming my shaking hands.
And a tear leaves my eye and makes a trek down my cheek.
Before I know it, Mare has moved to my chair and is squishing me so she can sit beside me. April’s reaching her hand across the expanse between us, squeezing my arm. Chloe and Kelsey plant themselves on the bottom half of my lounge chair, tipping the whole thing slightly their way.
And then Elisse squats between me and my view of the ocean. She takes my cheeks between her hands gently. “Lucy,” she says, the tease all gone. “What’s going on?” Her words are sweet and soft and so very un-Elisse. At least on the surface. Under-the-surface Elisse is exactly this—standing between me and all the ways I try to hide the truth from my friends—and from myself.
These friends of mine make me face the lemons of life. Maybe it’s not possible to ignore the pain, to just simply make lemonade like Mama said. But if there are lemons, I can trust that these girls will sit here and peel each one, biting into them and tasting their bitterness right along with me.
Mama might not be here, but these girls are. They’re my family, and they aren’t going anywhere.
Elisse releases my face and sits back on her haunches, waiting patiently. She’s not budging.
I inhale sharply, release slowly. “I did a really stupid thing.”
“We all do stupid things,” Mare murmurs as she leans her head on my shoulder, and I wonder if she’s thinking of Donny.
But there’s a difference between being fooled by a con artist and willingly walking into a situation, knowing exactly what you’re getting into—and doing it anyway.
“I…” I pinch the bridge of my nose. “I let Blake kiss me.”
And that thought is all it takes for more tears to finally release.
Though they’re not saying anything, I can practically hear my friends’ concern, the questions they have (one of which is whether they need to throat punch Marilee’s brother from this existence). Someone hands me a napkin, and I use it to dab away the wetness cascading down my cheeks.
And I tell them everything.
When I’m finished, spent emotionally and physically from the reliving of it all, I zero in on the pressure of their hands holding me, stroking my ankle, squeezing my elbow. They’re anchoring me here, letting me be myself. Accepting me. “Thank you,” I manage to whisper. “Thank you guys for loving me, even when I’m a mess.”
“Are you kidding, Lucy?” That’s April, my feisty cousin. “Have you met me?”
We all laugh, and it breaks some of the tension.
“Can I tell you something?” Elisse is all seriousness again, and it makes me sit up straighter. I nod. “First, I think you’re taking too much on yourself with the restaurant. It’s way beyond your job description, and ultimately, it’s Winona’s job to make sure her restaurant is flourishing.” At my mouth opening to protest, Elisse holds up her hand to stop me. “I mean, feel free to continue with the business plan if you want to. But don’t let the success or failure of it define whether you are a success or failure.”
I inhale a trembling breath. “I just feel like I’ve never really achieved anything before. I’m surrounded by all of you with these fabulous and huge dreams, and…I don’t know. I just feel inadequate. Like I should be doing more.” Oh, that hurt to admit. There’s a hollowness in my stomach that feels raw, cut. “Helping out Winona kind of felt like something bigger. A bigger purpose, I guess. But I’m failing at it.”
“Trust me, you don’t have to have big dreams to achieve something, Lucy.” That’s Chloe, and I know she understands more than most. “And you did something for me that nobody else ever did. You saw deeper. You saw me. And you welcomed me into your town, into your life without reserve. I don’t think you understand how rare that is.”
My other friends nod along, squeeze, hum.
“I agree with Chloe,” Kelsey says. “But I do wonder…” She bites her lip, as if afraid to say the wrong thing. She doesn’t want to hurt me, but maybe I need to hear what she has to say.
“What?” I ask.
“Well, if you really feel the way you do about Blake, then why are you letting him go so easily?”
My mouth flops open. “I’m not. He’s the one who said he can’t be with me.”
“That’s not true. From what you’ve told us, he just said he couldn’t stay in Hallmark Beach.”
I tug at the belt on my robe. “Kind of the same thing.” Because he knows I’d never leave.
“Kels is right,” Elisse prods. “Blake clearly has feelings for you too, but he knows he’s leaving like he did before. Only this time, it seems he’s got his head on straight and refuses to be someone who leads you on.”
“All right, I changed my mind about him.” April sighs dreamily. “He would make a good book boyfriend.”
The others laugh, but my insides are roiling. Am I so used to being left that I just allow it to happen? Why don’t I fight back? Why don’t I ever go after what I want?
Maybe because I’ve never been given the choice before. Maybe because I don’t even know what I want—or I’m too afraid to admit it.
The idea has me seriously feeling nauseous.
Or, ugh. Maybe that’s the food after all.