Sylvia #3
I cackled a laugh as he took a step closer and I prayed he did so I could his hit ass again.
“You already did. Happy Valentine’s Day, nigga.
The locks were changed as soon as you ran up here to save this bitch.
” I took the papers that I’d tucked in my waistband and threw them at him.
I’d been sitting on them for months and now was the perfect time for him to receive them.
Knowing him he wouldn’t read them and that only worked to my advantage.
I walked back to my truck emotionally spent after dealing with their dumb asses.
I’d gotten my licks in and now it was going to be time for him to reap the harvest that he’d sown.
I heard him walking behind me as I climbed in the still open door of my truck.
I slammed it shut before he could get to it and threw the car in gear, which automatically locked the doors.
“And take my kids to my mama’s house! I’m going out! ”
I drove off kicking up the gravel that was lingering because his stupid ass was standing behind my car. He was lucky I didn’t pull a Terry and throw this shit in reverse and hit him. I kept waiting for the grief to come. For the tears to drop and for the tightness in my chest to consume me.
But it didn’t.
It didn’t because I had already mourned what this marriage was and had been holding on for the sake of holding on.
I would’ve kept trying to revive something that had long been dead if I hadn’t gotten that email earlier today.
The familiar cadence of life as a wife and mother had been a weighted blanket.
Not exactly a comfort but something that was routine enough that I let it keep me stagnant. Paralyzed. Trapped.
There was no turning back now and I was almost kicking myself for not pushing through five months ago.
Nothing to do about it now.
The drive back to the house happened in a daze.
I had recounted the steps I needed to take a dozen times.
My phone had been buzzing constantly in the center cupholder but I ignored it.
I was sure it was my parents, my grandparents or my brothers and their wives trying to reach out to me to get information on what was going on.
I’d told Dave to pick up the kids to give me time to get the hell from by the house.
I was sure he was going to take them somewhere and then attempt to come and talk to me.
Like his brown eyes and tearful excuses about doing better would move me this time.
I parked in the driveway because I truly was going out tonight. Before I exited the car I put a message in the family group text so they would leave me alone for right now.
With that done and confirmation that Dave wasn’t on his way home, I walked into the house with less eagerness than when I left.
Despite him living here for so long, this place held memories beyond those of my marriage.
It was a family home and I’d grown up coming here.
The house was a blue Queen Anne style with a huge wrap around porch that still retained its original features.
My great aunt deeded it to me when she passed away and as a new mother I was thankful for it.
Her only requirement was that Dave’s name was never put on anything that had to do with the house so that it stayed in the family.
I trotted up the wide steps to the second floor where my room was located and headed straight for the closet.
I needed to pack because staying here tonight wasn’t on the docket.
Not until I could get a new mattress and a new bed in here.
I’d have to have someone come and get rid of the remnants of him in the house.
I wasn’t sure what oil or herb got rid of fuck nigga but they’d need the extra strength version to cleanse this place.
Walking by Dave’s shit pissed me off again but I was giving myself tonight before I packed this shit up.
My brain and my body needed a respite and I was going to take it.
Tomorrow would still come, my life would still be in shambles and I would still need to start over.
Self-care for one night in the form of drinks and a good meal at a very public location would show everyone I was unbothered and refusing to be embarrassed.
I also knew that being in public meant that Dave wouldn’t bother me even if he got word of where I was.
He’d be too afraid of the public embarrassment and of my brothers or their friends coming to dole out another dose of karma.
I tossed toiletries and underclothes into the bag before grabbing an outfit from the back of my closet.
It was a dress I’d purchased when I knew I was done.
It was still in the dress bag and I was going to wear it and the shoes I’d gotten to celebrate my new life.
The divorce was a procedure by the state but my heart was already gone.
Tonight I was single and ready to get back to loving me. Nobody would blame me for how I reacted so I wasn’t worried about the police. My self-care and self-reclamation started now.
Fuck these niggas.