11. Chapter Ten
He wasn’t leaving her when someone was starting random fires in the park, the generator in the van barely worked and wouldn’t provide heat during the chilly night, and she wasn’t handy enough to get it started again if it died.
If the random distasteful glances she tossed at the van were an indication, she felt the same.
They’d gotten a nice fire started and he found two logs to use as benches. Olive sat before the flames, wrapped in a fuzzy red blanket with a beer on the ground by her feet. The one she’d brought him sat untouched. He was more interested in the fat marshmallows she speared onto the end of a sharpened stick and thrust into the flames.
Marshmallows weren’t his favorite, but he was pretty sure you were supposed to hold them above the flame so they were lightly roasted, not insert them in the fire where they would burn to a crisp.
“We should talk.” She turned the stick over and over as the marshmallows began to swell.
That was a loaded statement. He cracked the beer and took a sip, feeling like he was going to need it.
“Okay.”
She swiveled on the log to face him. Their eyes caught as a shadow of flames danced across her pretty face. Turning the stick in her hand, she seemed to be thinking about what to say.
“Why did you ignore me for so long, and now all of a sudden, you can’t keep your hands off me?”
She didn’t mince words, and as uncomfortable as they made him, she deserved to know what was going on in his heart.
“It’s complicated.”
“It’s not that complicated.”
Taking another drink, he cradled the bottle between his hands and watched her move the stick around. “I didn’t want you to think I was interested because I was trying to protect you. But then you stuffed ten inches in your mouth like a champ and I couldn’t hold myself back anymore.”
Arching a brow playfully, he hoped she’d latch onto the teasing so he could steer this conversation in a different direction.
A pebble bounced off his knee, followed by another. “Ryker, you’re terrible. Tell me the truth.” She threw a tiny piece of wood at him. He grinned and caught it.
“It was too hard to stop pretending that I’m not attracted to you.”
“Because I ate twenty pancakes?”
“Because some feelings won’t be ignored.”
A fair distance spread between them, and he silently kicked himself for not putting her log closer to his. She looked genuinely surprised. Might as well get it all out.
“After I kissed you in the fire tower, told myself it didn’t mean anything and to forget about it. But how do you forget electric heat running through your veins with each kiss, or longing that pulsed harder than my heartbeat?”
“Oh.” She shifted on her seat and checked her marshmallows. Her eyes dragged to his and she swallowed hard. “What did the kiss mean to you?”
It was his turn to look into the flames. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt her, but she needed to know.
“I have a job offer in Denver and I’m considering taking it. If I do, I’ll be leaving Estes Park. This is what I was trying to protect you from. I can’t encourage something between us when I might be walking away. It’s not fair to you.”
Olive cleared her throat and took a long drink from her bottle. When it was empty, she left her marshmallows in the fire, got up, and returned with another. Popping the top, she took another swig and picked up the marshmallow stick. When she spoke, her tone lacked the playful edge it had before.
“Estes Park is in your blood. It’s your home.”
That’s exactly what Fox would say and why he hadn’t told him yet. He didn’t want a guilt trip. “I don’t want it to be. I think. The only way I’ll know is to leave and see how it goes.”
“Why don’t you want it to be?”
He gestured to the fire. “Your marshmallows are burnt.”
She inspected the charred balls and put them back in the flames. “Not yet, they’re not.”
He grimaced. “You’re going to eat those?”
“Stop diverting. Something must have happened to turn you off from staying here.”
Ah, his daddy issues. Ryker wasn’t sure how to explain it to her or if he even wanted to. Thinking for a second and coming up with nothing, he just went with it.
“I have a lot of bad memories that were easier to deal with when I didn’t have the choice to stay or go. Once I finished fire school, I realized nothing was stopping me from leaving. I finally had the choice.”
Pulling the blanket tighter around her shoulders, she took another drink and set the bottle down. “Bad memories of your dad?”
Who the hell told her about that? Right. Lulu.
“Sorry, I shouldn’t have asked you that.”
Before he could reassure her, she pulled the stick from the fire and grinned excitedly. Two chunks of coal hung off the stick. “These are perfect!”
She’d certainly redirected their conversation in the most disgusting way possible. “You’re not serious.”
“Oh, yes I am.” She blew on the cremated marshmallows. “Want to try one?”
“Hell no.”
“You might like it.”
“I absolutely won’t.”
“Fine. More for me.”
Feeling like he was watching a horror scene he couldn’t look away from, Ryker cringed as she picked the blackened treats off the stick and bit into them. Remarkably, the hollowed insides still had a bit of gooey marshmallow. A satisfied sound came from her throat as she slowly licked her fingers. One by one, her lips wrapped around each fingertip and sucked the stickiness off with her eyes closed. Heat flushed the surface of his skin. He should look away, but he couldn’t. The way she enjoyed her treat was so pure, so innocent.
So fucking hot.
She needs more. Our mate is hungry. Get up. More, more, more.
The words whispered demandingly in his head and the overwhelming urge to blacken the entire bag of marshmallows made him jump to his feet. Grabbing the stick from Olive, he stuffed the bag of marshmallows between his elbow and his body and put them on the stick until he couldn’t fit anymore. Thrusting the stick into the flames, he winced at the overwhelming need to hold her on his lap and make her eat.
Olive needed to eat. Digging a hand in his hair, he tried to pull himself out of this nonsense, but it was an instinct rooted in a place he couldn’t touch. And now it was all he could think about.
Olive watched him with curious amusement. “Changed your mind about a burned marshmallow, huh?
The hell he did. The only thing he wanted was the look of bliss and satisfaction on her face while he fed her sticky sweetness, her lips wrapped around his fingers while she licked it off. He pulled the marshmallows out. They were barely lightly browned, but it didn’t matter. She needed them, now. Without waiting for them to cool, he slid them into the palm of his hand and lowered to one knee beside her.
She leaned away in surprise as he came at her with a marshmallow, clearly not understanding what was happening. Neither did he and he hoped like hell that she didn’t ask because there was no way to explain this sudden madness.
“Ryker, what are you doing?”
He pressed the marshmallow to her lips. “Open your mouth.”
Hesitating, she complied slowly, and he popped the treat inside her mouth. Not waiting for her to chew, he pushed another between her lips and reached for a third. She grabbed his wrist and turned her head away.
“You need to eat more,” he growled. “You haven’t eaten all day.”
He should go into town and get her a steak. Yeah, a fat, juicy steak from Donatelle’s with a side of potato wedges. Maybe fried chicken, too, just in case she was still hungry.
“Do you want a burger? Chicken strips… pancakes?”
Her mouth was so pretty, her lips full and pink. A dot of marshmallow clung to her lower lip, glinting silver in the firelight. He leaned in. Olive’s fingers tightened around his wrist, those big eyes watching him until they were nose-to-nose.
“I’m not that hungry, Ryker.”
Her eyes widened as he cupped the back of her head, leaned in even closer, and pressed another marshmallow to her lips. Sputtering, Olive pushed his hand away and huffed a short laugh.
“What is with you?”
Ryker jerked back and looked at the handful of marshmallows, then back to her. What was he doing? He got up and threw the treats into the woods. Running a hand through his hair, he gave himself a second before moving his log farther away from Olive and sitting down. The fire was completely between them now, but if he didn’t get a hold of himself, it wouldn’t be enough of a barrier to keep him from her.
A bitter taste rose in his mouth.
Time to redirect, again.
“What’s with the camper van?”
“Oh, ah. I don’t know. I just wanted to try it out.”
Her voice wavered too much for that to be the full truth. Feeling more like himself now, he leaned his elbows on his knees and watched as firelight danced on her face.
“Want to be a van lifer and travel the country?”
“No, it’s not that. I—are we really going to spill our life stories to each other?”
Sitting straighter, she brought the blanket beneath her chin and pulled it tight.
“Does your life story involve living in a van?”
A stricken look crossed her face and he wished he could take the question back. He’d touched a nerve. The cellphone in her lap chimed and she hastily freed a hand from the blanket to pick it up, then looked at the screen, and slammed the phone back down.
She was shutting down. He felt it in the air. The entire atmosphere between them had changed. Had she gotten another nasty text message? Or was she pulling away from him?
“Thank you for being honest with me about your future plans, Ryker, and for not leading me on. We should be friends. Just friends.”
His abdomen clenched as if she’d gut-punched him. What did he expect? He was the one who shut down any chance of a relationship.
She collected her beer bottles and phone and stood. “I’m going to call it a night.”
His bear stirred with a low growl. Ryker pressed a hand below his ribs and willed the beast to settle. But the animal within wasn’t listening. He pressurized Ryker’s insides as if forcing him to pay attention. His grizzly wasn’t taking ‘friends’ for an answer.
It wanted so much more.
He clenched his core and resisted the urge to grab Olive into his arms and carry her into the woods. There was a time when it was acceptable for a shifter to do just that and claim his mate. That wasn’t the case anymore, but his bear didn’t care about propriety. His claws came out, one razor tip poking him with a jab, jab, jab against the inside of his breastbone.
Ryker willed the beast to stop.
The bear poked him harder. He winced with a hiss and crossed his arm over his middle at the burning sting.
The fire cracked and popped, sending a spray of embers into the air. Sweat beaded his hairline from the pressure building inside him. His bear got cranky sometimes, but this behavior was new, and it had everything to do with Olive.
“I’ll wait for the fire to go out. Sleep well.”
He watched as she got into the van and closed the door. A few minutes later, the curtains closed over the window, and the interior light went out.
Once the fire died, he slipped into his Jeep and settled into the driver’s seat. Leaning his head against the seat, he rubbed a hand over his eyes and bolted upright as a scream ripped from the van.
Adrenaline dumped into his blood and his senses went on high alert. Heart pounding, he threw open the Jeep door just as Olive hurried toward him, blanket fluttering behind her like a cape. Yanking the passenger door open, she scurried in and pulled it closed like the devil was outside.
“Something crawled across my foot!” She pulled her feet up onto the seat and hugged her knees. “It ran over my foot, back and forth, back and forth.”
The alarm pulsing through him cooled. “Probably a mouse. We did find those nests.”
“It was a spider!” She shivered violently. “The size of my palm. With glowing eyes. On my foot. It was on my foot! Oh my God, it touched me.”
Even in the dark, he could see how pale her face was. A little amused but more concerned, he put a hand on her knee and squeezed. “Hey, it’s okay.”
“Burn the van down.”
“Not a fan of spiders, huh?”
She whipped him a frantic look. “You think?”
“Come here.”
Ryker slid an arm around her shoulder and pulled her to his side. She pressed against his body, a trembling, warm mass of wool blanket and unruly hair. Ryker repositioned so he could fit her tighter against him and encircled her with both arms. She put her head on his shoulder and settled against him, melting into his embrace until she finally stopped shaking.
“Is this okay?” He asked quietly, hoping like hell that she wouldn’t move.
“Yes.”
He’d just shut down a relationship, yet she ran to him when she was scared. And his only thought after realizing there was no danger was to shelter her in his arms. It was a friend thing, that’s all. Or maybe they were drawn together with magnetic force, and no matter what he said or where he went, he’d always follow the undeniable pull back to her.
Because she’s our mate, idiot.
Ignoring his bear, Ryker kissed the top of her head, and he held her tighter.
“Get some sleep. I’ll go on a spider hunt in the morning.”