Chapter 13
Shanti had seen the cat shifters change shape, so on one level she knew it was possible and believed that Peter Baranov was going to shift into a grizzly bear.
On another level, it was one thing to watch someone become a very large house cat, and an entirely different thing to watch someone become a very large grizzly bear.
She was pretty sure the noise she made was laughter. It wasn't quite a shriek, anyway. Her hands did cover her mouth as if by magic, muffling the sound, but she made it again and was more confident, that time, that it was a giggle.
Peter was a very large bear, even if she didn't have much to compare him to.
He could almost look her in the eye, and Shanti was fairly sure that regular brown bears weren't five feet tall at the shoulder.
His head was absurdly massive, and his black eyes, almost lost in the darkness of his brown fur were large and intelligent and focused on her.
She could tell he was deliberately holding very still, which was good because there was almost nowhere he could go without crashing into something.
He had extremely round soft-looking ears, and claws that she decided not to think about.
Instead she put her hand out questioningly, then inched forward to sink her fingers into the dense, bristly fur of his forehead.
It wasn't nearly as soft as she expected. Neither were his ears, although they were softer. After a few seconds, Shanti breathed, "Wow," and backed off again. "Okay, I…wow. I believe you. I did anyway, after seeing the cats, but…wow. Can you talk this way?"
Peter swayed his head in a 'no,' then shifted to human again still shaking his head. "I can understand you, but not speak."
Shanti gasped, then laughed again. "Wow.
Wow, that is...that is very startling. It's much more startling than a cat.
Wow. Okay." She went to push the coffee table back into place, feeling it thunk into the divots it had made in the carpet, and sat on the couch, still staring at Peter.
"I don't know what to say. You turn into a bear!
How? Not how like…it's obviously magic, but…
how? Do you just think about being a bear?
If I thought about being a bear hard enough, would I become one? "
Peter smiled and came to sit down on the couch a few feet away from her, giving her space that she appreciated but wasn't sure she needed, and turning to face her with reassuringly open body language.
"No, you're not a shifter. It doesn't just happen.
It's usually a bloodline thing. My whole family are bear shifters.
" He tilted his head, looking thoughtful.
"And I guess I do just think about it and become a bear.
I've never thought about that, before. It's as natural as breathing to me. "
Shanti said, "Wow," for what she thought was the fortieth time. "Where did the magic come from? I didn't think magic was real."
"I don't know if other kinds of magic are real, but we are.
But nobody really knows where we came from.
There have been shifters as long as there have been people, as far as any of us can tell.
There are all kinds of stories about people taking on animal aspects through shamanic practices, and gods who trick or punish people by making them into animals.
" Peter shrugged one big shoulder. "I guess part of me has always thought those stories probably had some truth in them. "
"Oh! Yes, of course. There's a lot of shamanism in Buddhism. They're both animistic, I mean. It makes sense, is what I'm saying. How wonderful," Shanti added more softly. "How wonderful that it's real. And Virtue is full of shifters? I feel like I should have known that."
"Like Luke said, we don't advertise it. It's dangerous." Peter hesitated long enough to spark Shanti's curiosity.
She scooted closer, eyebrows drawing down. "What's wrong?"
"Probably nothing. I just learned that some of us were shifting in public to help with a rescue effort a few months ago.
There hasn't been any real sign that it's gone…
" Peter made a small motion with one hand.
"Viral, for lack of a better word. But it's still nerve-wracking.
And it's the last thing I wanted you to have to deal with when I told you about myself. "
"Is that—no, it's not. It's not what you wanted to talk about privately, is it?
That has something to do with…" Shanti bit her lip, remembering how comfortable she'd felt with Peter from the moment they'd met.
Realizing that even now, with his extraordinary secret revealed, she still felt exactly the same way: like she'd come home, somehow.
"Sabrina said she knew what it was like.
Love at first sight. How overwhelming it was.
She called it fate. Is that what…is that what's happening between us? "
Peter's eyebrows shot upward, and a glow of hope seemed to warm his whole being, although he also spluttered, "She shouldn't have said that."
"I got that impression," Shanti said a bit dryly. "The cat ladies—"
Both of them burst into laughter, with Shanti saying, "I didn't mean it like that!"
"No, I know, but they are, aren't they? They're leaning into it. The Caturday Bookstore. I wonder if they are cat ladies."
"I don't know," Shanti said, mystified. "Do shifters have pets? Would you have pet bears?"
"Bears do not tame easily," Peter replied with amusement. "But cats have been pets for a long time. And yes, we do, although some animals really don't like shifters. It can get complicated. Do you have any pets?"
"No, not even a goldfish. But the cat ladies looked pretty shocked and dismayed when Sabrina mentioned fate. I got the impression she'd broken the rules somehow."
Peter sighed and nodded. "She jumped the gun, at least. She shouldn't have assumed you knew anything, or that I was a shifter, or…
well. We're really careful for a reason, but in her defense, shifters and their mates usually know when a true human is a shifter's mate and safe to talk to.
It's a kind of sixth sense that lets us build a community.
I've never actually heard of anybody's mate telling the wrong person about us. "
"Back up," Shanti whispered. "Explain mates. Because it seems pretty clear, but also…"
This time Peter's sigh was even deeper. Shanti scooted closer, offering her hand and curling her fingers around his when he accepted its.
Warmth spilled through her at the touch, and she simply wanted to crawl closer to him, into his arms, into his lap, and nestle up quietly so she could listen to his heartbeat as he spoke.
But that seemed too forward, so she only tightened her fingers around Peter's and waited.
"I didn't have a good plan for what I was going to say to you," he said eventually. "I just knew I didn't want to rush it. You seem pretty reserved and cautious and I didn't want to throw too much at you."
Shanti ducked her head. "I am. Risk-averse. But we're in the deep end now, aren't we? So go ahead and explain it."
He squeezed her hand briefly. "You said, 'is that what's happening between us,' so I'm guessing you feel it too.
Which you're supposed to, but it's funny how, now that I'm in the moment, I don't want to make assumptions.
To sum it up, though, shifters know when they meet the person they're meant to be with.
We call it fate. And our mates usually know it too, but sometimes it's harder for true humans to trust it, because love at first sight is such a fairy tale.
But it's also real, at least for shifters. "
"I think it must be real for…true humans?
Is that what you call us?" At Peter's nod, Shanti smiled a bit.
"That's kind of elegant. Anyway, I think there are people who just know when they meet their partners, because otherwise it wouldn't be such a trope, right?
But I'm not one of those people." Her eyebrows drew down.
"I mean, I've never felt this way before.
About anybody. I mean, I don't, I haven't, dated much. "
"I've never felt this way before either," Peter said with a smile of his own. "It's kind of strange, being a shifter. Plenty of us don't really believe in fate, when it comes to love."
"No," Shanti said slowly, thoughtfully. "No, I don't suppose I necessarily would either. Even if I knew people who had found their mates…what are you supposed to do, just wait forever? But what if you never meet the right person? Do shifters ever not meet the right person?"
"Often enough that plenty of us don't believe in fate. And it doesn't mean we live alone our whole lives, or don't find love, no. We fall in love like anybody else. It's just that sometimes we get lucky and fate strikes."
"What if you're married and fate strikes with somebody else?" Shanti asked in faint horror.
Peter chuckled. "It doesn't work that way. The idea is that we meet someone at the right time for both of them. If either of us were happily married, then it wouldn't be right, see? So it wouldn't be fate."
"Oh." Shanti sat a moment, digesting that, and finally smiled. "That's kind of wonderful, then, isn't it? The stars have to align, kind of? Does that mean you could know your mate for years before the moment was right?"
"It does, and that happens." Peter took a deep breath. "How are you with all of this?"
Shanti puffed her cheeks. "Okay, I think.
It's a lot, but…I really never have felt this way before," she said quietly.
"I've never been in love. I've never met anybody who felt like home.
And knowing there's actual magic involved helps me feel like I'm not losing my mind, because honestly, I never have been in love and I didn't know what to do with this, this—this feeling like I'd been hit by a freight train!
It didn't feel like me, but it felt right, and that's… confusing."
"I didn't mean to walk into your life and turn it upside-down, but I can't exactly say I'm sorry, either."
"No." Shanti smiled up at Peter. "No, it's good. I…wait." She blinked. "Wait, if we're meant to be together, how does that even work? You're from Alaska and I'm from Virtue. Are we supposed to meet in the middle and go live in Montana or something?"
Peter laughed. "I don't know. What fate means is there's a way to figure it out. I know you're thinking about leaving Virtue, but I want you to know that if you decide to stay…" He spread the hand Shanti wasn't holding. "Then I'll stay."
"What? No, that's crazy. That's your whole life you're changing without even a conversation about it!"
"I'm pretty sure it's less crazy to say I'll stay in Virtue than to ask you to move to Alaska.
Or even Montana," Peter said wryly. "And we can talk about it, and I'm sure we will.
But I also want you to know that I'm okay with staying here.
It's a great little town." He hesitated.
"I'm also sorry this all moved faster than I meant it to.
I wanted to keep this all at a nice normal 'getting to know you' pace. "
"But we can still get to know each other, right?" Shanti asked nervously. "I'm glad to understand what's happening, but…I'm still not fast. I'm not a leap first and look later kind of person. Even if there's magic involved."
"That's fine," Peter promised. "We're in no rush. I just want you to know I've got your back."
To Shanti's complete surprise and total dismay, tears rose up in her eyes and fell down her cheeks without the slightest warning.
An unbelievable sense of exhaustion and relief came with them, and without speaking—without being able to speak—she just leaned forward, almost toppling into Peter's arms. He made a soft, startled sound and pulled her close with ridiculous ease, murmuring comfort into her hair as Shanti gave in to tired sobs.
She truly couldn't remember the last time she had been able to let go.
Even in the aftermath of her grandparents' deaths, there had been business to attend to, and no one else to do it, so she hadn't been able to fall apart.
And once the worst of the paperwork had been dealt with, it was as if she no longer knew how to relax.
Peter's presence changed all of that. Shanti felt safe with him, certain he would protect and care for her, and that he would never judge her for being at her worst. Sobs wracked her body, and Peter held her carefully, not trying to fix anything, just letting her cry.
The last thing she really remembered was being so tired that she couldn't keep her eyes open, and Peter gently tucking her into bed.