Chapter Thirty-Five
Livia
I feel as if I’m living someone else’s life and it plays like a movie in my head. From trying to prove that fairytales exist for my mom’s sake to finding the cottage.
And when I did find the cottage, it felt as if my life had just begun. As if I were dormant before and nothing else except my mom, Faith, and my girls at FFF mattered.
But then the things they made me do still make my cheeks burn with ignominy, but every other thing they did to me afterward peeled away even more of my modesty until I was left completely bare for them.
The descendants of Bernard, Barrett, Bruin, and Goldenia exist. And they’re the most powerful men in the world.
“They exist, Mom,” I whisper, but she’ll never get to meet them. She’ll never get to have a conversation with Veronica, whose family also worked for the Ursids. My mom would have loved Veronica.
And then I think of the Ursid ritual. My hand goes to my stomach. It’s stupid, I know. I don’t know what I’m doing.
After last night, it’s no wonder that I slept through the whole morning and a bit of the afternoon as well. I glance around the bedroom, except I don’t think it can be called just a bedroom since it takes up the space of the entire floor.
The bed itself is custom-made and huge—ginormous, even. There’s a lounge area, a bar, a stunning desk, and beautifully carved furniture, not to mention a whole library, and a fireplace. The art on the walls is priceless, the chandeliers glitter with real crystal adornments.
The entire walk-in closet with clothes and accessories bought for me from the room on the floor below has been brought up here. There are three other closets, and they’re filled with suits.
Theirs.
I was carried up here. Bathed in that equally enormous bathroom, my pain soothed, and my body caressed. I was fed, then fell asleep in strong arms, minutely aware when I was swapped from one set of arms to another.
They worshiped me. I was revered. Adored. I don’t know how to handle any of that. After my mom died, the emptiness inside me was insurmountable. I pretended I was okay but I wasn’t. And when I stopped crying myself to sleep every night, her death bothered me; it ate at me because she left me.
She left me alone with a cold-hearted man when she told me she would love me forever.
And then she died before he could love me. I don’t know how I would have survived any longer without Faith. She filled a portion of my broken heart and I love her more than anything in the world. She makes me smile and laugh and brings so much joy to my life. I miss her so much, and now I can’t wait to see her.
Tomorrow. I trust them. I think I always trusted them. It’s safe for Faith to come and see me here. I can hardly wait. A feeling similar to happiness glides over me and I don’t know what to do about it. It’s so foreign to me.
I love them. Not because they’re protecting me from a vicious wild man. I love them because of who they are behind their stoic masks. And last night, an indomitable completeness stole over my vacantness, and it left me filled and serene.
I awoke alone but I wasn’t alone for long. By late afternoon, a very animated Veronica arrived. She asked me intimate questions about my pain, and on their instructions, a doctor was coming to look at me now that I was awake.
There was no getting out of it.
“You spotted last night, which is normal given the circumstances, and they just want to make sure you’re fine. Don’t worry,” Veronica adds. “She’s a female doctor. They would never have a male doctor looking at their most treasured possession.”
I guess I should take comfort in that. And I did spot a bit, but I feel fine except, of course, for a bit of discomfort.
After the doctor arrives and pronounces me fine, Veronica insists I wear a dress to dinner. Except it isn’t just a dress. It’s a gown that a princess would wear. The fabric is so soft that it slips like liquid over my skin and down my curves. The layers of pale pink satin sweep the floor and are adorned modestly with crystals and diamonds. I know that it costs an incredible fortune.
I’m even wearing makeup and my hair cascades down my back in loose curls. Veronica keeps saying how beautiful I am. When I look in the mirror at my reflection, I see this other side of me that’s new and different, and I like her.
It’s my first dinner with them after the ritual. My first dinner with them ever. My nerves are properly on fire, and butterflies tug at my stomach. I just don’t know what to do with myself. I don’t know what’s going to happen next. I don’t know about my father….
After Veronica leaves, I still have half an hour until I arrive downstairs for dinner when my phone rings.
My heart sinks to the depths of my soul. The call is from Babs and I immediately panic that something happened to Jimmy. I’m not ready to say goodbye to one of the dearest people I know.
“Babs,” I say, uncertainly. She’s on a video call and I know she never does those kinds of calls. She looks ten years younger in an instant. Her smile is so broad and beautiful that it makes me smile and I don’t even know why. The one thing I’m certain of now is that nothing happened to Jimmy.
“Livia, dear sweet girl. Thank you. Thank you so much. Jimmy and I don’t know how... how can we ever…” Her face starts to crumble, and tears flood her face, but she’s still smiling.
“Babs, what are you saying?” I’m so confused.
“Mr. Walsh transferred... I can’t believe I’m saying this. Mr. Walsh transferred ten million dollars to our account. He said it was a retirement present from you. Livia, you were always our angel. Our light when we needed it most. When we lost Rebecca and found you, you made our hearts a little lighter. And now this? We can retire. Not just retire, we don”t have to worry about anything. Wait, Jimmy wants to say something.”
My heart just soars when I see Jimmy’s face on the phone’s screen. He never does things like this.
“Livia,” he says, then he smiles, and I know he can’t say any more, but he does. “Thank you, angel.”
In a split moment, I take everything in. Ten million dollars. Jimmy and Babs can enjoy the time they have left doing whatever they want with no worries. They deserve it. They’re the best, most honest people in the world. It never crosses my mind to want them to give the money back because of whose money it is. I can’t let them do that for me. But the happiness in this elderly couple’s eyes is priceless and I don’t care anymore. They really deserve happiness.
All I’m feeling is so much overwhelming gratitude. I tell Babs I’ll call her back soon and disconnect the call.
I have to thank them. What they did for the Kepplers is not something I could ever, in this lifetime, have done for them myself, even if I tried.
I lift the hem of my gown and immediately go to find them. They aren’t in the dining room hall, but I don’t give up. I know their study is on the ground floor, from something Veronica mentioned before.
It takes me forever to find them, but when I do, a black cloud sucks me in and throws me into the pit of hell. It steals my breath and punishes my lungs until I want to rip out my organs. I wonder if I’m going mad or if it’s a cruel, heinous, and brutal joke at my expense.
What I see eviscerates me down to my core.