Chapter Fifty-Three Edith
“Over here,” I call to Tala.
“Coming.” She runs over, helping Kris and me lift one of the toppled pillars. My muscles ache as I push, but the burn feels good as sweat soaks my skin. It’s a welcome distraction. Rebuilding the seer school will take time, like anything else, but we have to start somewhere.
Skallagrim is closed for the next month. More than a few students are leaving, choosing to return home rather than continue their studies. I can’t blame them for wanting some normalcy after everything that happened.
Jim and Patricia wanted to withdraw Bea and me too.
I had to beg them to let me stay. I think that’s the first time you’ve asked us for anything, Patricia said, exchanging a look with Jim.
I guess I’m okay with it as long as your dad is.
I think she hoped he’d say no, but Jim just threw his hands up in frustration, his equivalent of fine.
So I’m staying at Skallagrim.
Others left temporarily, planning to return for the new semester. Like Bea. She went home with Jim and Patricia to spend the holidays with them, but I’m sure she’ll be back before I know it. I have a feeling a lot of other students will be too.
As I look around at Tala, Kris, and Isaac, I can’t help but smile. I finally found a place where I fit in. I’m in no rush to return to America anytime soon. Isaac slings his arm around my shoulder, and Kris rolls their eyes.
“What?” Isaac ruffles my hair. “Come on, we’re totally besties now.”
I bat him away playfully. “Don’t make me show you my claws.”
Laughing, Isaac holds up both his hands. “Whoa, whoa, no need for that.”
Valerie is helping us too, but I suspect her biggest motivation is to be close to Tala. They’ve been spending a lot of time together even after the disastrous Unity Dance. Their fingers brush as they reach for the same piece of rubble.
“So I take it you two are together?” I ask.
Tala turns toward me, a blush spreading across her cheeks. “N-no, we aren’t.”
Valerie grins. “Not yet, anyway.”
Tala ignores her, quickly snatching the piece of rubble.
Valerie manages to tear her gaze away from Tala long enough to look up at me. “What about you and Amund, hmm?”
My heart races when she mentions his name.
“What about him?” I say, trying to sound casual.
“He’s standing right behind you,” Valerie points out.
Amund smiles shyly when I turn around. Outwardly, he might look intimidating, but he shares some of his brother’s awkwardness, too. He’s standing there like he doesn’t know what to do with himself. “I was hoping we could talk?”
I force myself to nod. “That would be good.”
Ever since the funeral, I’ve thrown myself completely into helping the campus cleanup efforts, while I suspect Amund has been busy dealing with Nils.
And maybe I’ve been afraid to face him again after what I almost did to his brother.
I join Amund, keeping pace beside him as we leave the others behind us.
“I’m sorry,” Amund says, his jaw tightening. “I should have realized you were in danger sooner. I never imagined Nils would actually try to harm you. I’m so ashamed of what he did. If you hadn’t gone berserk, then…”
I reach for his arm and stop him. “Hey, it’s okay.”
After doing everything I could to avoid ending up in a situation like that—shunning relationships, people-pleasing, suppressing my anger—I still ended up in a similar situation to my mom.
Because it was never about what I did or didn’t do, not really.
You can do everything right and still end up in danger.
But I’m not my mom. I saved myself, because I did something Mom was never able to. I went berserk.
And I’m proud of it.
“I’m okay,” I add. For once I actually mean it.
“I know.” His voice turns rough. He pulls me into an embrace. “I’m so glad you are.”
Leaning against Amund, I close my eyes. He’s nothing like my dad. I know I’ll be safe with him. Even though he’s a hunter, he would never hurt me. Amund is gentle. Kind. Caring. When he loves someone, he loves deeply. Even when they do horrible things like his brother.
I don’t have to be perfect for Amund to love me.
I can make mistakes. I can be vulnerable.
I can be myself.
Amund’s arms feel like my new calm, safe place. A place I can always come back to no matter what. When I look up at Amund, his eyes are wet. A tear slides down his cheek. Standing on my tiptoes, I reach for his face, brushing the lone tear away with my thumb. I want to be his safe place too.
“I think it’s time I give a relationship a try.”
“Is that so?” Amund grins, broad and brilliant. My stomach swoops at the sight. Normally, he’s wearing a scowl or a frown or otherwise pressing his lips together in an unpleasant look. “With who?”
A small laugh escapes me. “Isaac, obviously.”
Amund reaches for me, drawing my body against his, closing the last bit of distance between us. “Are you certain you’re ready for that, Edith?”
“Only with you,” I say, grabbing the leather straps of his armor crisscrossing over his chest. I pull his face down toward mine and kiss him, finally claiming what I want. Amund’s eyes widen as if he’s pleasantly surprised.
He pulls back, searching my face slowly. “Do you think you could ever love a hunter?”
I nod, fighting a smile of my own. “If you can love a berserkr—”
Amund kisses me before I can finish, harder this time.
We kiss by the gates of Skallagrim, my heart soaring as I press my lips to his. He picks me up in his arms, lifting me off the ground, and I feel lighter than I have in a long time.
Outside, the wolves begin to howl, but I barely hear them.
Now I know I have nothing to be afraid of.