Chapter 13
Karey Justice
“Damn, girl, that new apartment looks good on you. Couldn’t you at least have pretended to miss Matthew just a little?” Fabio exclaims.
I chuckle and roll my eyes despite the guilt spearing through me for not telling them about Brad.
Fabio is being way too nice, like always.
Sure, my skin is glowing because living with Declan is beyond perfect, but a familiar ache plagues my abdomen.
I didn’t bleed my last three cycles, which is normal for me despite taking my pill like clockwork, so this cycle will most likely wipe me out for an extended number of days, but I’ll power through with a cheery smile like always.
“Sorry, Fabio. So much has happened since I moved out,” I answer with an exaggerated eyelash batting.
Fabio rolls his eyes with a smile.
“Alright, I can take the hint. I’ll give you two sweeties time to catch up without me interrupting like a savage.” He turns to Matthew and pecks him on the forehead before skipping toward the bathroom.
The blush on my best friend’s face looks good on him.
“You aren’t looking too bad yourself, are you, Matthew? Fabio is taking amazing care of you, I see,” I half joke, half mock reprimand.
“He is,” my best friend says with a dreamy smile.
I lean my elbows on the table and prop my chin on my hand.
“You know I’d never pry, but…”
I waggle my eyebrows.
He chuckles and launches into a retelling of Fabio’s latest kitchen fiasco.
I push away my envy then smile and soak in my best friend’s happiness. He deserves it after all the hate life has thrown at him.
I do too, but doubt plagues me. After all the time I’ve spent at Declan’s place, he’s never once asked me to stay, and after all the time I’ve spent wrapped in his arms, he’s never once said he loves me.
Declan’s face appears over Matthew’s shoulder.
He’s angry. So angry.
Instinctual fear roots me to the spot.
The accusation in his glare twists my stomach and shreds my heart. He shifts his glare to the back of Matthew’s head. Horror ices my veins as he slips closer to the mindless beast he became while pulverizing Brad.
As though in slow motion, he shifts his menacing gaze back to mine and starts toward me.
I swallow and rise as he approaches. Matthew turns.
I step around the corner of the table to meet Declan. Visions of Brad’s bloody and swollen face remind me of the power behind Declan’s fists. The thought of Matthew suffering the same terrifies me.
Guilt and shame strike me next. Brad deserved a beating. Declan wouldn’t do that unless Matthew provoked him, and definitely not if we’re in public. I’m a bitch for even thinking he would.
Except he seems capable of anything with the feral beast shining in his eyes.
I reach out, take Declan’s arm, and press myself against his side, hoping to remind him I asked him to come here and to calm him with my nearness.
My nerves get the better of me as I realize I finally get to introduce the two most important people in my lives to each other, so I stand like an idiot with my heart in my throat and my arm linked with Declan’s as they meet each other’s gazes.
Confusion spears through me when recognition flashes in Declan’s eyes.
I wanted to introduce them in middle school but never got the chance.
Matthew transferred to our school the day after Declan got suspended for fighting, and after I found out he liked boys—which took me, like, two seconds because I could never stop pestering anyone—I told him all about my fairytale love story with Declan, but when Declan returned, he ripped my heart out and walked away without even entering the classroom.
I clear my throat.
Matthew rises, the same confusion lingering in his eyes, but despite the fury emanating from Declan, he seems more curious about our linked arms than concerned for his safety.
“Declan, this is Matthew, my best friend. Matthew, this is Declan, my boyfriend,” I introduce.
Matthew holds out his hand. Declan stares. A muscle in his jaw ticks.
“How long have you been friends?” he asks.
I nudge him with my elbow, but he still refuses to shake Matthew’s hand.
“Since middle school,” Matthew responds.
“That’s a long time to remain in the friend zone,” Declan says.
I roll my eyes.
“We never dated. It’s not like that between us,” I say.
“I’m gay,” Matthew announces.
Declan quirks a skeptical brow.
Fabio returns as though on queue to save his man. I’ve never appreciated his talent of bulldozing over awkward moments quite as much as I do now.
When Declan loosens his shoulders and finally accepts Matthew’s handshake—which remained available despite my boyfriend’s insult—I breathe a silent breath of relief.
A horrible thought grips me. I tighten my grip on Declan’s arm and demand his attention.
“Did you transfer schools and disappear because you thought I liked Matthew?” I asked.
“No, but it was a factor,” he growls.
“What other factors were there?” I prod.
When his features tighten, I realize I won’t get an answer to my question, so I shift the focus to Matthew and Fabio.
We sit and enjoy fancy sandwiches together. The air feels a little strained every now and then, but overall lunch turns into a pleasant ordeal.
Afterward, Declan ushers me into the passenger seat of his car before devouring my mouth in a searing kiss. When he pulls back, we both struggle to breathe from the intensity between us.
He insists I hold his hand as he drives us back to his apartment. I don’t argue even though the city traffic is terrifying, but when his phone nearly explodes from a flood of calls and texts, he sighs and releases my hand to answer.
Disappointment thrums through me, but I insist he drop me off and goes back to work to fix the crazy since they obviously need him. He scowls but doesn’t protest, relaying how dire the situation is.
I step into the room for the elevators, wait for the glass doors to close, then wave goodbye as he drives off. He returns my wave and holds eye contact with me as long as possible, but he’s already back on a call.
As I sigh and turn toward the elevators, another car pulls up. His grandmother climbs out of the backseat before her driver can make it around the car and waves him away with a scowl that highlights their family resemblance.
I stand like a kid with their hand caught in the candy jar as she approaches me.
Her expression doesn’t change when she notices me. She gestures me inside the elevator before joining me. I wait for her to choose her floor and debate whether I should pretend to be visiting someone else or not.
She points to the ceiling in the corner. A security camera videos the entire elevator.
“That thing sends me a notification every time someone selects our floor. There’s no point hiding now,” she says.
I swallow and adjust my grip on my bag.
“Are you corrupting my grandson?” she asks.
Uncertain how to respond, I shift my weight between my feet and search for an acceptable answer.
Ms. Murphy laughs and pats my shoulder.
“I’m teasing you, Karey. Welcome to the family.
I’ll make sure he treats you right.” I nearly sob at her sweet generosity and understanding.
I never expected to find a love of my own, so her kindness strikes deep into my heart.
“At this rate, I might even be able to meet my first grandbaby before I die,” she says with true excitement.
All the blood drains from my head. I smile and nod like a puppet on a string, but my brain refuses to process my surroundings.
She wants great grandchildren.
Declan has never even attempted to use a condom before, and he’s never asked about contraceptives. He doesn’t know I’m on the pill.
I should explain to him why I’m on it and beg for forgiveness for deceiving him, but the thought of revealing my darkest secret fills me with indescribable terror.
He was going to eventually leave me again anyway. The moment he finds out I’m defective, he won’t want me anymore. Flaws and extra fat are fine, but destroying his future family plans is another matter entirely.
I can’t do this anymore. It one hundred percent makes me a coward, but my safest option is to say goodbye to Declan before he rejects me.
I’d rather live alone with the thunderclouds of depression as I am now—with happy memories with the man I love—than to wait until he disowns me and shatters my protective illusion.
I offer to walk Ms. Murphy to her suite, but she shoos me away and disappears into her apartment.
My dread compounds with every step, but I cross the threshold of Declan’s suite and brace for the inevitable.
This is going to be hell on earth, but it’s time to face the truth.
I can’t have Declan Buchanan no matter how much I want him. He was never mine to begin with.
The darkest storm clouds I’ve ever experienced gather over my head.
Stabbing pain spears through my abdomen. I curse and rush to the bedroom to gather my things. I need to leave now before my body betrays me and reveals my dark secret.
I fail.