1. Chapter 1 #2
I jump off the boulder, pick up several rocks, and throw them as far as I can.
It doesn’t take long for my eyes to grow blurry from tears.
Soon, something snaps inside me, and I’m full-on crying, but that’s why I’m out here.
To let it all out where no one can see me.
It was bad enough that I did it in front of Gwen. Fucking humiliating.
After about an hour, I’m freezing my fucking nuts off but feeling a little better. I jump onto Waffle’s back and head home for a late breakfast.
After my horseback ride, I sit at the kitchen island, poking at my oatmeal. Julien is brewing coffee while Aleks is sautéing onions and bell peppers for their omelets.
The two of them easily maneuver around, being so in tune with each other.
Something I’ve never had the pleasure of experiencing.
It helps that the kitchen is massive. Hell, the house is massive.
We stumbled upon the place while driving through Durango after a two-week road trip through the desert.
It was a spontaneous buy, but when you’re Julien Kendrick, a nineteen-year-old trust fund baby and gazillionaire at the time with no future or goals, you can toss around money like it’s water.
No shame here. He deserved every fucking penny after the shit he went through with his stepfather beating and raping him for years, and his mother turning a blind eye to it.
Julien has turned the place into a horse ranch, while we all go to online college.
It’s been busy as hell, but I’ve really enjoyed my life here.
The mansion-like cabin sits nestled between mountains, a river, meadows, and a huge pond.
It’s truly a stunning and special place.
Way better than Figueroa Street in LA and the run-down motel we lived in. Hell, anything is better than that.
Julien had been on a suicide run a few years ago and hired Aleks, who was known as Romeo back in his prostitute days, to be his escort.
Before the road trip was set to start, Aleks was attacked by our handler, Tito.
Julien swept in just in time and killed him to save Aleks.
I stumbled onto the scene and helped them clean up.
We went on the run, but no running was needed.
Police don’t give a shit about dead pimps and human traffickers.
One less evil prick, the better the world is.
It didn’t take long for the two of them to fall in love.
Aleks cracks some eggs into a bowl, sprinkles them with salt and pepper, and pours a splash of milk over them. He rapidly whisks the mixture as the vegetables soften in the pan. The air is filled with the scent of coffee beans and breakfast.
I watch the two men interact, constantly touching each other as if they would suddenly be torn apart if they didn’t. Aleks pours the mixture into the pan, and Julien steps behind him, fingers Aleks’ silvery-bleached hair away from his ear and kisses his cheek. “Love you,” he says.
Aleks turns to look at Julien with a huge smile, his mismatched eyes, one green and one brown, gleam at his lover and fiancé. “I love you, too, Sugar.”
My fucking cold, dead heart aches every time I watch them interact. I want what they have. Despite all the women in my life, I’m so fucking lonely. I’ll never find my soulmate at this rate.
Maybe I don’t always show it, but I care deeply about these two men.
Julien gave us a home and family. Aleks had saved me, or tried to, after Tito first raped me.
He was brutally beaten for it. The amount of guilt that surged through me was enough to change my very being.
Hell, it still lives rent-free in my fucking soul.
I glance away from their tenderness, my stupid eyes trying to leak again. I take a bite of my oatmeal, but I’ve lost my appetite, so I shove the bowl away.
“Break up again?” Julien asks, turning to me and pouring creamer into his mug.
His dark brown curls are still damp from his shower.
He’s fucking hot, is what he is, with eyes that match his hair, thick lashes, and brows.
He has one of those chiseled jaws and high cheekbones. He could’ve been a model.
“How’d you know?”
“You have the same look on your face every single time someone dumps you.”
“Ugh… patterns suck, man. I hate being so obvious.”
Aleks glances behind him, frowning. “I’m so sorry, Jinx. I know how much you liked Gwen. We liked her, too.”
Julien pours me a cup of coffee and slides the mug my way. I take it and wrap my fingers around the warmth. “That’s the longest relationship you’ve had yet. I thought she was the one.”
“Yeah, so did I. Whatcha gonna do?” I shrug.
“If patterns are causing you pain, don’t you think it’s time to change shit up?” Julien asks before taking a tentative sip of his coffee.
“Yeah, I’m gonna make an appointment with my doc. I keep pissing everyone off.” I look up at my friends and sigh because I do not want to talk about any of it. “Except for you two numbnuts.”
Julien smirks and shakes his head. “Well, calling your friends ‘numbnuts’ probably doesn’t help.”
Aleks giggles and nods.
“Probably,” I admit. “But why can you guys accept me the way I am and not my girlfriends?”
Julien raises a brow and looks at me as if it’s obvious. “Dude, we’re not the ones sleeping with you. They are. And while I do find you to be a pain in the ass sometimes, all three of us are bound together after I… After Tito died.”
“True, I guess.”
“And Aleks and I both care deeply about you. You are a good person, Jinx. Deep down, I know you’re not all bluster.”
I take a sip of my coffee and sag my shoulders. “But I want to find someone. I want what you guys have. It’s not fair. Y’all fell in love in like two weeks. I can’t get someone to love me even after six months.”
Aleks turns off the stove, wipes his hands, and steps over to me. He sits on a stool and takes my hand. Affection is another thing I struggle with. When you grow up without it, it’s hard to perform, and I have to perform. It doesn’t come naturally to me, like from a deep place in my heart.
But Aleks is. He’s the sweetest person I know. He has the gentlest heart and the purest soul. How is that possible when we’ve both suffered the same way?
“You’ll find your person. I just know it. You’ll find someone who loves you exactly for who you are. I did. Julien did. It happened when we least expected it. We weren’t meant to fall in love. Remember, I was just a paid hooker for him. Look at us now. It’ll happen.”
“Aleks is right. Maybe stop looking. You jump from girlfriend to girlfriend. One dumps you, and a couple of days later, you’re dating again.”
“Pfft… I guess.”
“I’m surprised you haven’t run out of people to date in this dinky town,” he chuckles.
I don’t laugh. He’s not wrong. It’s hard when you’ve been as lonely as I have for years and years. The only people I had to lean on were those hurting as much as I was. Bonding through our trauma isn’t the same.
“Thanks, guys.”
“Stop forcing it,” Julien adds.
“Do you feel better?” Aleks asks.
I nod so that he’ll feel better. He’s a lot more sensitive than I am. See? Why couldn’t I do that with Gwen?
“I’m glad, Jinx. You’re so special. It will definitely happen for you.”
He stands and returns to cooking.
I don’t feel fucking special. Not one bit.
“How about a distraction?” Julien slides a business credit card across the counter. “Would you mind taking the truck and going to the feed store? I’ve ordered everything already. You just need to pick it up. The horses and cattle need some things before the first snow hits this weekend.”
“I thought Foxy was supposed to run the errands.” Foxy and Tink came to us this past summer.
There were other boys whom Tito bought and used.
They escaped when Tito died, but since we kept in touch, they finally called me for help to get out of LA.
Julien and Aleks drove to get them and brought them home.
Yep, Julien and Aleks are amazing men. Better than I’ll ever be.
“Foxy and Tink are cleaning out the horses’ stalls.”
“Yeah, okay.”
“Chin up, Jinx. You’re only nineteen. You’re still young.”
“Ugh, thanks for reminding me. I feel like I’m forty-nine.”
Julien chuckles again as I take the card and shove it into my wallet. I leave the kitchen with plans to eat out instead.