25. Chapter 25 #2
“Yeah, of course?” He nods toward the patio with some outdoor seating. “We can sit there if you want?”
I nod and follow him.
We pick two large cushioned chairs across from each other. I sit and fold my legs beneath me. As soon as we relax, a man comes out and asks if we’d like something to drink or eat.
We order two sparkling limonata sodas, along with cappuccinos to wake us up even more.
Aleks smiles gently at me. “What do you wanna talk about?”
I swallow the growing lump in my throat and pick at the loose threads from the hole in my jeans. “Me… us.”
“Okay,” he says carefully.
“It’s late in coming, but I’m… so fucking sorry about what happened to you that day.” As my mind drifts back to the horrible memory, my eyes water, not from my suffering, but from all the guilt I’ve built up in my head.
“What do you mean?”
“That day Tito hurt you… because of me. It was my fucking fault. All of it. I knew he’d probably hurt you, but I let you get angry at him anyway.
I never stopped you. Yeah, I was scared…
fucking terrified. I hurt so much. You were this…
savior that I looked up to. Stupid…” I swipe angrily at my falling tears.
“I wish I could take it all back. We all suffered, and I only made it worse for you.”
When a sob escapes me, Aleks is right there, squatting in front of me, looking up and touching my leg. “Fuck, Jinx. Where’s this coming from? I’ve never, ever been upset or angry with you because of what happened. Not one time.”
“It hasn’t just come from nowhere. I’ve felt it since that day, but I’ve been too angry and too much of a coward to say anything.”
“I’m not sure I understand. You apologized so much that day. You took care of my wounds until I was fully healed.”
“Well, what the fuck else was I supposed to do? It was my goddamn fault! You would never have been beaten bloody had I not cried to you.” I point at my face in frustration. “I haven’t been able to cry since, not until recently. The fear inside that you’d get hurt if I cried again was…”
Aleks stands, takes my hand, and pulls me up. He wraps me in his arms and holds me tight, but I don’t want to be held. He should hate me. And I’ve been a shitty friend to him since then.
“Don’t. I don’t deserve your kindness, Aleks.” I try to push him away, but he only holds me tighter.
“Is that why you’ve kept me at arm’s length since? Guilt? Were you afraid that if you got close, something worse would happen?” I nod as the epiphany hits me with the force of a freight train. My hands cling to his back, and I cry on his shoulder.
“I was also so angry. Angry at our situation, at Tito. Overnight, I went from being afraid for my life to hating myself and him. It… fucking changed me.”
“I know it did, Jinx. I saw you. I saw the change in you, and I didn’t know what the fuck to do about it. Not that I could do anything. I was too stupid about those things.”
‘I saw you’ repeats in my head as he keeps holding me as if trying to stop me from retreating again.
“I don’t deserve to be your best man, Aleks.”
“Of course you do.”
“No, I don’t. I’ve been the worst friend, if you can even call me that.”
“What are you talking about? Are you irritable a lot? Do you have walls upon walls up? Are you snarky as hell? Yes. But do you know what else you are?”
I shake my head as my fingers claw at his hoodie.
“You are a protector. You’re so damn smart, and you see so much more than I ever did.
You helped me get through everything before I understood Julien’s plans during our road trip.
You confronted him because you were worried about me.
When we arrived in Colorado, you had the money to do whatever you wanted.
Instead, you chose to stay with us, live on the ranch, and help out.
You fucking cleaned literal shit without complaining, and I know how much you hated the outdoors and getting dirty. ”
I laugh wetly. “Funny how I love it now.”
“See? You chose to stay with us and become part of our family. I’ve worried about you every day as you struggled to find love and connection.
I worry about you at night because I know how much you need to hold someone while you sleep.
God, Jinx. You aren’t a bad person. You’ve just been fucking hurting, as we all have.
We’ve all fucking suffered so much. But now it’s our turn to shine.
It’s our turn to find happiness. I just… wish others like us were so lucky.”
Aleks pulls away and cups my face. “You’re such a good person, more than you’ll probably ever admit. You deserve love, and I truly hope Mason loves you back. Even though you haven’t told me, I know you love him.”
I sniff and nod. “He loves me.”
“Good. He better.”
I chuckle again, and he wipes away my tears.
“But…”
“But what?”
“Rumors are going around about us. Mason was supposed to talk to the community about it, but I told him not to, so I could deal with it when we get back.”
“You mean the rumors that he’s groomed you, which also means he’s assaulted you.”
“So you’ve heard then?”
Aleks nods thoughtfully. “Yes, we’ve heard the bullshit noise. Julien and I support you both.”
“This could hurt Sugar-Sweet Ranch and Mason’s restaurants.”
“Then we’ll deal with it together. You’re not alone, Jinx. You’re part of our family. We protect family as we always have.”
“I’m so sorry about this, too.”
“It’s not your fault. It’s not Mason’s. Some people just have it in their heads that something nefarious is going on and jump to conclusions without basing them in fact.
It strangely comes from a good place. When we were kids, having someone like that to help protect us could’ve also saved us. Try not to be too harsh with the man.”
Aleks drops his hands, and I sigh, feeling the weight of everything pressing down on me. “It doesn’t matter. This asshole is creating damage that we might not be able to fix.”
“We will deal with it. Understood?”
“No, I will deal with it. I’ll fix this. I have to because I fucking refuse to be the cause of someone else suffering. Never again.”
“Jinx…”
“That’s my name, isn’t it? A jinx. I ruin everything.”
Aleks’ eyes look sad as he fingers my hair, shaking his head and sighing. “God, fucking stop it. Just stop it. You don’t ruin anything. Don’t change the name Tito gave you into something worse. I won’t listen to it anymore. We all love you.”
I rush at Aleks and pull him into a fierce hug. “Please know that I love you, too, as a friend and brother, even if I’m being a fucking asshole.”
“I know you do. We all know.”
“Your wedding’s gonna be amazing. You and Julien are gonna have the best lives together,” I say, pulling away and wiping my nose on my sleeve.
“Thank you, brother. I’m so happy you’re here for us.”
I don’t really feel any better. The guilt is still there, but Aleks knows now. Hopefully, in time, the guilt will release its chokehold, and I can breathe again.