29. Chapter 29
Jinx
As soon as I get home, I’m firing up my laptop. I go to the community group on Facebook and read all the comments shared about Ristorante Vitali, and more specifically, about Mason.
Several posts are gushing about the food and how nice Mason is. Then I stumble onto Mr. Bush’s posts, trashing Mason, claiming he’s a fucking pedo. Fucking asshole. I swear to god…
I read the responses. Some are saying they have no idea what he’s talking about, that they’ve never seen Mason with a younger man. Some are going on and on about Mason being queer, but most are tolerant. I feel a little better knowing he has a lot of supporters.
Even better, some people are blasting Mr. Bush for doing this, especially when they’ve learned that there have been death threats against some of the staff.
Still, people are hating on Mason—enough that it could ruin his business—and it will eventually spread to his other restaurants.
The people have no idea who I am yet. Mason and I don’t go about town showing off our relationship. Most of it has been spent at his house. All they know is that I work at Sugar-Sweet Ranch. That reminds me to ask Julien if he’s been harassed, which adds another layer of stress.
The rage is building inside me at people who don’t have a fucking clue as to what’s really going on.
Well-meaning people who are ruining a good man.
I want to lash out at them, but I have to think clearly, calmly, and rationally.
I understand enough about social media that if you’re not careful with your words, you could get eviscerated online.
I also know grooming and trafficking are a real fucking problem globally.
I mean, my friends and I were all subjected to it.
I would know first fucking hand about what it’s really like.
These people also don’t understand that Mason resisted me once he found out how old I was.
I can’t help but see the parallels between Jude and me when it comes to Mason, having to choose us over his own life.
I don’t doubt for a second that he’s struggling to find a way to keep me and keep his restaurants going.
I also see the parallels with Phillip, but he doesn’t get a fucking hall pass. He knew I was just a child.
Eventually, Mason will have to choose between me and his business, just as he was forced to choose between Jude and his parents.
Poor Mason. It’s so fucking unfair.
I pinch my eyes as they start watering. It hurts like hell, but I won’t let Mason destroy all he’s built for me. I refuse to. I won’t let him make that tough as fuck decision.
With a deep breath, I type out a post on the community page.
My name is Jinx. I’m the one Mr. Bush is talking about.
The apparently younger man who Mason Vitali is dating.
Mr. Bush is very much mistaken. He approached our table one night while we were having a business dinner, interrupted us, and started accusing Mr. Vitali of dating a man half his age.
He got it into his head that Mr. Vitali groomed me for some reason.
Let me be very clear. Mr. Vitali is a future client of ours at Sugar-Sweet Ranch. I don’t know what Mr. Bush saw, but he’s destroying lives for no apparent reason. Is it a vendetta? Was he wronged in some way? Who knows?
Let’s say for a minute I was dating Mr. Vitali. I’m a grown adult who’s capable of making life choices and decisions.
We at Sugar-Sweet Ranch have all been victims of grooming, sexual abuse, and trafficking since we were infants.
We have formed a family to start new lives and a business, free from our pain.
Mr. Bush has made our trauma worse. I would know better than anyone if I were being groomed or abused. Better than Mr. Bush would.
Or maybe the problem is that Mr. Vitali is gay?
Are you accusing him of such things because of his sexuality?
Is it bigotry that’s fueling this fire? It’d better not be.
That’s not the Durango I know and love, living here, helping to run a business owned by queer men with trauma.
I love this town and the people in it, but everyone has deeply upset and disappointed me.
I no longer feel welcome here, and neither does Mr. Vitali.
I hope this matter can finally come to rest. Stop ruining people’s lives based on hearsay instead of facts.
There. Done. I turn off the commenting on the post because I don’t want to fucking read gaslighting, lies, anger, or even support. Fuck ’em.
Orange Crush rubs against my ankles. Like most animals, they pick up on distress. I lift her into my arms and carry her to bed. All my anger morphs into grief. I fucking hated denying my love for Mason, pretending we’re nothing. I’m going to fucking miss him, but it’s the only way to protect him.
A sob escapes me. It’s as if the cat knows I need her as she kneads biscuits into my chest and sounds like a car engine without a muffler. I hold her tighter and cry harder until I pass out.
I wake up later in the afternoon. Orange Crush is now sleeping in the window where the sun is shining. I reach for my phone to see a slew of text messages and missed calls from Mason. My thumb hovers over the screen, debating on reading them, but I can’t, not yet, so I turn my phone completely off.
I try not to think about being dominated by him. I force my mind not to think about how Mason helped me love myself. Or at least hate myself a little less. My heart tries to ignore the pain of losing him and missing our sessions.
Fuck, I still feel him from yesterday. My ass is sore in the best way.
I claw at my chest where my heart is beating way too hard and gasp for air as I try not to cry again.
A knock on my door startles me. I stand, pad to the door, and open it to find Julien. Judging by the look on his face, he knows everything.
“Hey,” I say.
“Can we talk?”
I step aside to let him in. “I guess this is about Mason, huh?”
“I saw the post you wrote.”
Instead of getting angry at me, though I’m not sure why he would, he suddenly gathers me in his arms and holds me. “I’m so sorry, Jinx.”
My eyes water again, and I suck in my bottom lip to stop it from trembling. I can’t say anything; otherwise, I’m going to let it all out on his shoulder. Instead of clinging to him, I ease him back and hug myself.
“Mason also reached out to me to check on you.”
“Oh…”
“He told me everything. Why didn’t you come to me?”
I shrug. “Hoping it would blow over? Hoping that it wouldn’t come to this?”
Julien looks around my place before sitting down at the kitchen table. “Why did you deny that you’re dating Mason?”
I toss my arms in the air and huff at him. “Why do you think? You think I’m being a dick? That I want to be an asshole?”
“I think you’re trying to protect him the wrong way.”
“What the fuck do you know?”
Julien’s unfazed by my outburst, always the calm and steady one. “You like hard truths, don’t you, Jinx? You like telling people ‘how it is.’”
I stare down at my feet, still hugging myself, and shrug again.
“What happens when they see you around town with Mason? Are you planning to hide your relationship forever?”
“No.”
I turn my back on him. He’s seen too much already.
“Jinx, look at me.”
“No.”
“Please don’t tell me you’re leaving Mason over this.”
I reel on him and fist my hands at my sides. “And why shouldn’t I?”
Julien’s brows shoot to his hairline. “Are you seriously blaming him for this?”
“What? No! I’m doing this for us. For him. He’s done so much for me. He’s healed me in unexpected ways. Mason has protected me throughout it all. Now, it’s my turn.”
Julien nods and stares out the window as he processes, before those dark brown pools land on me. There’s no expression on his face, but I know he’s judging.
“Shouldn’t you let him decide what’s best for him?”
“No. I refuse to let him give up his livelihood for me. Period. I know him well enough. That’s exactly what he’d do. I’m Jinx, the man of bad luck. The only way to fix it is to leave. I’m just going to fucking ruin him. Don’t forget about his staff getting harassed, too.”
“And what if he doesn’t care? What if all he wants is you?”
I turn my back again as tears spill. I’m so fucking tired of crying. “Impossible. Why would he do something so stupid?”
He sighs and says, “Loving you isn’t stupid, Jinx. And he does love you. I can tell how much he does and how worried he is for you. Something tells me he’d give up everything for you.”
“Then that definitely makes him fucking stupid.”
“You don’t think you’re worth giving everything up for?”
“No. Not one bit. Besides, you don’t know everything. Mason shouldn’t have to make the hard choices. He shouldn’t have to decide between me and his business, which he also loves. I’ve only been in his life for almost four months. He’s had his restaurants for over five years. There’s no comparison.”
Julien stands behind me and holds me. I can’t stem the tears any longer, and a sob slips out. “Do you really believe you’re not worth it?”
“Yes,” I say shakily.
“God, you’re stubborn as fuck. You speak your mind too much when you should shut the hell up. But mostly, you’re protective and caring. Sometimes you do those things because you are trying to do what’s right by those you care about. You’re an amazing human.”
He turns me around, and this time I cling to him as I cry. “Aleks told me what you said to him in Italy. It was never, ever your fucking fault, Jinx. None of it.”
I say nothing. What else is there to say?
“Talk to Mason. Give him a chance to fix things as he sees fit. It’s his life, too.”
“It’s already done. I’ve fixed it for him.”
“Stubborn asshole,” he chuckles. “Fine, be that way, but I doubt Mason will let you get away with it. You can’t hide forever.”
“I don’t need forever.”
Julien squeezes me tight before leaving me alone with my pain and tears. He means well, but he doesn’t understand. Still, I should say something to Mason, so I turn on my phone and shoot him a text, ignoring all his messages. It’s cowardly, but I just can’t face him right now.
Me: I had to do it. They wouldn’t have stopped.
Now your manager and chef can come back.
No one will harass them anymore. Your restaurants will be saved.
This is for the best. You shouldn’t have to make another painful choice ever again.
I won’t let you. I’ll always love you, but let this go.
Don’t come and see me. Don’t try to change my mind. I won’t. I’m very firm on this.
As soon as I see the dots appear as he’s typing, I turn off my phone. I can’t be tempted or let him persuade me to come back. He can focus on his career without worrying about me or his restaurants and staff. Sure, he’ll worry about me. Mason wouldn’t just stop caring.
I throw on a coat, the cowboy hat Mason got me, gloves, and a scarf. Leaving my phone behind, I grab some pre-cut carrots and head down to the stables to get Waffle ready for riding. I need her now.
She pokes her head out of her stable, and I pet her snout before feeding her a couple of carrots. “Ready to go riding, sweet girl?”
She snorts and bobs her head in response.
Once she’s saddled, I lead her to the riding ring and climb on her back.
I tuck my boots into the stirrups, give her a gentle kick with my heels, and push her into a gallop.
When we reach the cavaletti, I urge her to jump.
It’s pretty low, so she sails right over it.
I push her a little faster so she can jump over the oxers, which are wider and higher. She glides over them with ease.
After a while, I glance up at the sky, which is filling up with clouds. Snow is going to hit tomorrow.
“Let’s get you back inside, girl.”
After I remove the saddle and bridle, I brush her thick winter coat, then I cover her back with her blanket and lead her into her stall. I give her a couple more carrots and head upstairs.
After I remove my warmer clothes, I stare at my wrists. Shit. How am I going to get the bracelets off without the little key that comes with them? Same with my necklace. I’ll feel naked without them. They’ve become a part of me. Part of my healing and reclaiming my body.
I take a shuddering breath and push aside the pain for now. I’ll figure it out later.