12. Chapter 11
Olivia
The entire drive home all I can think about is last night and how it was everything I didn't know I needed.
I know one thing for certain. I'm not ready to let go. Deep down, I know I want more. I shake my head free from the fantasy and realize I need to separate myself from Noah for the remainder of this trip because in three days we’ll go back to holiday and birthday texts only.
A giant wave of sadness flows through me when I consider the real possibility of that.
One night with Noah has me entirely unraveled, ready to jump back into his arms, and never let go.
But I know that is never going to happen.
He’s only home for holiday leave before shipping back to wherever he is deployed at this time.
I learned very early after his first deployment that I can’t imagine him over there, in the desert, with the hot, dusty air filling his lungs and the endless danger.
The endless danger that takes the lives of so many people every day.
It was maddening, heartbreaking, and all-consuming for the first few months.
Not knowing where he was, if he was okay, and listening to the news regarding what was happening overseas.
So, eventually, I decided it was safer not to.
Safer to not think about it, disconnect and not look up the details of the war.
Even though I created that necessary distance allowing me to grow, focus, and be successful within my career; there has always been part of me that worries, part of me wonders if he will get out or if he will let the Army all consume his life, like I let it consume mine for so long.
“Olibia!” I hear a tiny voice shout as I get out of my car and start walking toward the house.
Liam, Penelope’s youngest, comes running out the front door straight for my knees.
Part of me hopes that he never stops calling me “Olibia”.
Growing up, my family either called me Olivia or Liv except Penelope, who always called me Olivia.
She is a firm believer in using a full name.
Our family are the only ones who were able to shorten Penelope to Pen and that’s only because Penelope is a long and difficult name for a toddler to say and there were three of us running around, needing her.
Her children are Liam and Leo, never anything shorter, and her husband's name is Jonathan, not Jon or Jonny.
“Liam, let Aunt Olivia get into the house before you attack,” I hear Penelope say from the doorway. A half smile rises on her face, knowing that I’m both surprised and excited to see her.
I share the same quick smile. Having not seen her since the services, which we did not end on great terms, there is a wave of sadness that overwhelms the smile. I have always been “full of feelings” so the coming and going of the ocean is nothing new for me.
“I thought you weren’t going to make it until tonight or tomorrow,” I exclaim, trying to remember back to what Mom said yesterday, while also wondering why I drank so much gin last night.
I haven’t seen my sister since she left after Grandma’s services and we had gotten into a fight about her going back to Georgia already.
She wasn’t as close as I was with our grandmother and I used that to my advantage in the argument.
We didn’t speak for almost two weeks before I caved and called her repeatedly until she answered.
I may be the annoying little sister but family is everything to me and I couldn’t survive without her.
She's my confidant, my informant, and one of my best friends.
Seeing her this morning is exactly what I need.
“We were able to find an earlier flight!” she responds, and I jump into her arms to give her a giant hug.
“I'm so glad you are here!” I say burying my face into her shoulder.
“I’d never miss an opportunity to be the first to hear about how you spent the night at Noah’s,” she says, smirking.
My family has always been Noah’s biggest fan, and I know the fight put a damper on all of them, especially Cole.
Knowing that he is somewhere upstairs waiting for my return to hear if he can be friends with Noah again, makes me grateful that Pen intercepted me at the door.
I'm definitely not ready to tell my brother about last night, especially the fact that we slept together.
“Pen…it was…” I start, not sure where to begin or how to describe how I’m feeling.
“Everything,” I finish, dropping my arms from her, shoulders starting to slouch.
There is a bone chilling gust of wind causing me to shiver, making me wish I had elected for a warmer jacket when I realize I’m still wearing Noah’s jacket from this morning.
My face blanches as Pen smiles and says, “Come on, let’s get inside.”
Pen is the only person who knows everything that happened on that dreaded night in Oklahoma.
She knows how broken I was and was ready to fly back to Milwaukee to pick up the pieces, after making a pit stop in Oklahoma to see Noah.
It took a three-hour FaceTime call, with Pen, Jonathan, Mason, and Caroline, a bottle of wine, and lots of laughter to convince her to stay in Georgia.
Liam pulls his train set out and is driving it along the downstairs bonus room floor, so Penelope grabs my arm and pulls me over to the couches.
The dark gray fabric couches have been in this room for as long as I can remember.
And while they are about as worn as the cheetah print attitude shirt with a monkey on it that I wore in middle school, I would be devastated if my parents ever decided to replace them.
Our entire childhoods are in these couches from the fights to the tears to the holidays.
Once we sit, Penelope says,“Tell me everything, Olivia.”
And so I do.