Chapter 27
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
Eve…
A whisper.
Eve…
In my head.
A roar, somewhere far away.
Burning.
Louder. Louder.
EVE .
My eyes flew open. The scream dissolved in an instant as did the roaring.
I stared into the dark. I wasn’t sure whose voice it had been, but my heart was pounding, nonetheless. I lay still, very still, my mind coming back to reality, my eyes searching the room. There was only a soft light coming from the living room, from the TV. Otherwise, there were only the twisted shadows and shapes of things in the darkness.
Behind me, I heard a sigh and felt the breath against my neck. A heavy arm that wrapped across me held me closer.
I closed my eyes, enjoying Emery’s warmth surrounding me.
Thoughts of last night swarmed me.
After our shower, Emery helped me clean up the mess I had made, throwing away food left out and scattered on the ground. He re-stationed the projector, both of us surprised it still worked after I had thrown it across the room.
“I’d really hate to get on your bad side, sweetheart,” Emery said, examining the monitor, several cracks webbing out along one corner, one part of the screen nothing more than a green blob. “And I thought I had the temper.” He shook his head. “You're scary, you know that?”
“Yeah, don’t mess with me or I’ll throw random objects everywhere without warning. I’m crazy like that.”
“I know it. My cute little tornado.” He’d left his mask off even then, noticing how much I liked to see his face even if it made him uncomfortable. Sometimes he tilted his head in that way in which he might be listening to someone, but he never acknowledged the voices, still trying to ignore them. When I caught him grimacing or making some other face, I knew they must be trying to get to him, but he didn’t respond. It made it easier to forget sometimes they were still there, haunting him.
When we’d finished cleaning, I went to work in the kitchen, attempting to make another proper meal this time. Even after stuffing my face, I still wanted to sit and just enjoy something. Emery offered to help and I told him to sit on the couch as I took out ground meat. As I cooked it in a pan, I also pulled out a half empty bag of shredded cheese and some unused lettuce. I broke apart what was left of the tomato I had salvaged and tossed it in the pan.
Emery watched me for a moment then got antsy and told me he was going upstairs to put back the things he had moved, aka, the oven and things he’d thrown around the attic. I told him to not be long because dinner was going to be ready soon.
I’d listen to him moving things as I took out a package of instant rice from the cupboard and started to cook that too. Then I found the box of taco shells he’d stuffed in the back of another cupboard and placed them on the table along with plates and forks. Maybe I should have felt weird about how causal it all seemed now after everything that had gone down, but I was just happy most of the tension between us was gone. Even if only temporarily.
When the food was done, I called to Emery above, not expecting him to hear me. Only a moment later, he came stomping back downstairs.
“You seriously heard me from the attic?” I said as he appeared before me.
He smirked as he tapped his ear. “Hearing like a bat.”
I raised my brows as I set the bowls of rice and meat on the table. “I must have gotten lucky then,” I said.
He tilted his head. “How’s that?”
I gave him a sort of sheepish look. “I didn’t think I had been quiet enough when I…you know.”
“Hid from me?” he said with narrowed eyes.
I nodded.
He sat at the table, placing his elbows on the tabletop. “Yeah. I definitely count that as luck. You got a lot of that going for you, sweetheart.”
My lip curled a little as I sat opposite him. I started making my taco as he piled rice on his plate.
“It was the medicine, right?”
He looked up as he set the spoon back in the rice bowl. “What about it?”
“That makes you so…I don’t know, kind of inhuman,” I said. “You know, being able to hear better, be stronger, more agile.”
I’d always been curious but had been too afraid to ask. It was clear he had reflexes and senses that were a little more abnormal than the normal person. I thought about when I had been in the attic and hadn’t even heard him come up the stairs. Or how he had practically smashed a door in to get to me. Even before, at St. Agnes, I remember him showing me why he was so dangerous. The files and videos gave me a good guess as to what my father was testing, but I wondered how much more Emery knew.
He looked beyond me as if a memory stirred in him. Then he grimaced as if pained.
“I’m sorry, I know it’s hard to talk about. If you can’t…” I didn’t want to stir an episode in him, not now.
“They used a number of test drugs on us,” he said in a contemplative voice. “But all of them had one goal in mind. The conversations I’d heard and the data I read when they weren’t looking showed they were trying to…enhance us in some way. Enhance the senses. Enhance the mind and the body. But there was always a price.”
“The side effects,” I said grimly.
He nodded slowly. “Altering our perception, our thoughts. Our senses became obscured. Our bodies, unable to cope with the surge of energy, would putter out, leaving some of us sleeping for days, others forever.”
I circled my fork in my rice. “My father said you were his greatest achievement in one of his videos.”
“To him, I had the least…lethal side effects. He didn’t take into account mental state. Just the physical. Though there were others who survived, who endured just like me, I endured maybe more than the rest. I had the most success to failure ratio in my tests.”
“So you got the better end of the drugs,” I added.
He shrugged. “Being able to lift a car engine and see a fly from several yards away in the dark but have a crazy woman grinning at you half the time and other horrific hallucinations that would give Lovecraft a run for his money. I’d have said ‘fuck that’ if I had a choice.”
I paused, taking a few bites of my food. “Do you ever think about why they did it? Like what the drugs were meant for?”
“More like, who they were meant for,” he said.
My brows furrowed. “Who?”
He took a bite of his taco and rolled his shoulder. As he swallowed, he said, “Who else but those they could manipulate? Those who they can use and control.”
“They as in…?”
“Anyone who has the power to make people do what they want. Governments, elite. For the nifty price of five million, you can have your very own agent who will tear your enemies a new asshole and never leave a trace. A team of agents who will be so destructive no organization would be left standing.”
“You really think that’s what they were doing?”
“I don’t think. I’m sure,” he said.
“It’s hard to believe something like that could even be real,” I said.
He scooped up rice and let it fall on his plate. “MKUltra was real. And that was just a precursor to this.”
My throat tightened. I reached across the table and took his hand. He glanced at me, and I tried to give him an apologetic look. He turned his palm and squeezed my hand gently in response.
I changed the subject after that. We ate and talked and, for the first time since St. Agnes, I almost felt like we were back to the way we had been. Almost.
When we finished, Emery wrapped the leftovers and put it back in the fridge as I took the plates and put them in the sink, letting hot water run over them. My eyes drew over to the little digital clock on the oven. It was blinking eleven, not changed since the power came back on.
“What time is it?” I asked, looking to fix the clock. My perception of time had only been by the light coming through the boards.
Emery went over to the monitor, studying a line of small print along the bottom of each of the feeds. I realized they must have the date and time, which I hadn’t bothered to notice until now.
“Half past twelve,” he said.
I looked over at him as he turned toward me. We must have both been thinking the same thing.
It was the Eve of Halloween.
The anniversary of the massacre.
And my…
I quickly washed the dishes, hoping he hadn’t seen my expression. Still, I stiffened as the energy between us changed.
“Talk to me, Evee,” he said after a moment of silence.
I rinsed the plates and set them aside before I dared turn back to him.
“What do you want me to say?”
He studied my face, then came to my side and took my hand. “I see it in your eyes. If you want to scream at me, I’ll take it.”
I clenched my jaw. “I already did that, didn’t I?”
His lip twitched. “Yeah, you did. But I’ll take it again.”
My gaze dropped to our hands. “I know you're not sorry,” I said quietly.
“No,” he answered. “Not sorry for them.” He gently brushed a lock of hair from my face, his fingers tracing down my jaw. “But I am sorry…for hurting you.”
The look he gave me was something I couldn’t describe. But I knew now he really was sorry for hurting me.
“If I had known…” he said.
“You would have killed me too.” The words came before I could stop them. But I didn’t regret them.
His expression turned pained. But he and I both knew it was true. He had been out for revenge. He had been out for blood.
“I’m glad,” he whispered. “So glad you hid from me, Evee. That I didn’t find you.”
“Me too.”
Without warning, he dropped to his knees. He gripped my waist and pulled me to him, crushing his face into my stomach.
“I’m so glad…”
I placed my hands on his shoulders. I let him hold me for a moment, let him repeat over and over how glad he was, how sorry. He went silent when I trailed my fingers through his hair.
“At least this day won’t be a repeat of the past,” I said finally, then laughed. “Just the second most memorable birthday I ever had.”
His head shot up to stare at me. He stood quickly, studying me. “Your birthday?”
I nodded. “You think my mom and dad named me Eve for any other reason? Born on the eve of Halloween. Duh.”
He covered his face in his hands and shook his head in disbelief. “No. No,” he groaned.
“What?”
He swept his hands through his hair. “Fuck!” He turned away as if embarrassed. “How did I not figure that shit out? It was your birthday they were celebrating. I thought it was one of theirs. Now, it makes sense.”
He was really getting worked up about it. “I didn’t exactly expect you to figure it out,” I said, feeling kind of amused seeing him in agony over it. “Or for you to remember. Although…”
He turned back to me. “What?”
I pursed my lips. “I thought maybe you caught on since you left me that… gift at the banquet.”
It took him a second to remember what I was talking about. Then I saw the guilty look in his eyes before he glanced away. “Ah, that. Yeah, not exactly a birthday gift. Just another reminder of how fucked I am in the head. Though you gotta admit it was kind of—”
I crossed my arms, and he didn’t finish his sentence. “Fucked up,” I said.
“Fucked up,” he repeated.
At least he admitted it.
He turned to me again, exasperated. “No, but why didn’t you tell me? You weren’t going to? You were just going to let it slide while all this was happening?”
I shrugged. “It’s not a big deal.”
“Not a big—” He huffed. “It is a big deal to me.” He jabbed a thumb at his chest. “Oh, baby, it all happened on your birthday. Fuck, I’m the biggest piece of shit in the world. I’m scum.”
I opened my mouth but wasn’t sure what to say.
He looked around as if he could find a way to fix what he didn’t know.
“Emery, it’s fine,” I said.
“I’ll be back,” he replied as if not hearing me.
Sighing, I went back to cleaning, then used the bathroom, washing up and combing my hair out. As I came out, I found Emery’s mask on the bedroom floor. I reached down and picked it up, staring at the skull face.
It was just a simple party mask really. Nothing special about it at all at first. And yet it had played in my nightmares and dreams for so long. It was so much more now.
I flipped the mask over, then put it on my face.
I felt no different. But why should I? All I realized with surprise is that it wasn’t as difficult to breathe in as I had expected.
I heard the creak of the door and turned my head to see Emery standing there. He stared at me in shock. He tilted his head as a shadow passed over his gaze. Then it was gone in an instant. “Come here, Evee,” he said softly.
I took the mask off and stepped over to him. I offered it back and he took it. He glanced at me, then back at it. Then, in a most casual gesture, he put it back on.
I saw the tension leave him as if he had been naked this whole time and finally found something to cover him.
“You know I like seeing your face,” I said.
“I know. I just need time…”
I nodded, understanding.
He turned away. “Come see.”
I followed him out into the living room. Then halted when I looked over at the little table in front of the couch. I started to laugh, covering my eyes with my hand. “Oh, Emery, you really didn’t have to.”
The lights had been dimmed down so all I saw was the flicker of a single flame. He had found a match and lit it, sticking it in what looked to be a blueberry muffin he had taken from the kitchen.
“It’s lame, I know,” he said. “But indulge a psychotic asshole this once.” He took my hand and led me over to the couch. He set me down on one end of the couch while he settled himself opposite. He sat crisscrossed and took the muffin, making sure it didn’t blow out as he set it between us.
“Go on and make your wish.”
I stared at him, smiling though I felt a weight in me like a sadness, my heart feeling like it was in a knot. What did I wish for?
I glanced at the little flame.
Funny. He had planned to burn it all away. Now the fire was nothing but a flicker in the dark. Neither of us could have guessed that.
In the shadows around us, I thought I heard my name whispered behind me.
Shivering, I closed my eyes.
I wish never to be afraid again.
I blew out the candle, and the dark settled in.
Lying in bed, I came back to the silence around us, as Emery held me close, his breathing steady.
I closed my eyes, just relishing in the calm, the quiet stillness.
A bird called out to another from outside. I turned my gaze to the window as if to see, then my heart sank, remembering I couldn’t.
I must have moved enough or made a sound because I felt Emery stir behind me, his arm tightening around my waist.
I went to say, “good morning” and I heard him grunt as if answering me before I had even spoken. Then he mumbled incoherently.
I smirked. Emery sleep talking. He snored too. A soft purr in my ear.
He mumbled a few random words, and then he whimpered.
“No, no, please. Hurts…stop.”
His breathing grew harsher, a soft sob escaping him. “Don’t,” he barked.
Slowly, I turned to face him, straining my arm to lift his even a little so I could move freely. His eyes were shut tight, his face contorted in pain. He trembled.
I put my arm around him, gently petting his back.
“Emery,” I whispered. “It’s okay. They can’t hurt you anymore.”
He whimpered again, inhaling through clenched teeth. “Don’t,” he hissed. “Don’t go.” His face pressed into my chest, pulling me close again.
I brushed a hand through his hair. So, I wasn’t alone in my nightmares.
Eventually the trembling subsided as did the soft cries coming from him. He grew still and quiet and I thought he might have fallen back into dreamless sleep when his arm moved and his hand gripped me tight, his face lifting from my chest.
Eve,” he choked out. “Are you really here?”
“Yeah, I’m here,” I said.
He let out a slow breath. He blinked a few times, trying to come to terms with where he was. “They took her,” he said. “They took her away and she never came back. I was so alone.”
My lips tightened. Nina.
“I know, I’m sorry.”
“I don’t understand. She got away. She got above,” he mumbled. “Then they took her from me. She was gone for so long until she came to visit. But…only in my dreams.” He shifted beside me. “She stuck around so I wouldn’t be alone. She stays near and whispers to me.”
“I know.”
He didn’t say much after; he searched around the dark until his eyes caught mine. He watched me with a half-lidded gaze.
“I’m in deep water and you’re the moon,” he whispered. “You know that?”
I didn’t know what he meant exactly, but I nodded anyway.
He blinked a few times, and the glazed look disappeared. His hand trailed along my ribs, down to my hip. “You sleep okay?” he asked.
“Yeah. I did.”
“I didn’t bother you too much?”
“No.”
“Good.” He drew me closer, his arm encircling me, his leg crossing with mine. “I think I slept better than I have in years with you next to me.”
My brows furrowed against his chest. “But you were just…”
“What?”
“You don’t remember the dream you just had?”
He paused as if thinking. “No.” he said after a moment. “Not really. I don’t remember most of them, thankfully. Guess I learned to shut them out after so long.”
“You said that before, I must have forgotten.” I stirred a little against him, remembering something else. “Emery…do you remember you also said you had a dream, when we first met? You said it grew into a story in your head. That you thought about it often?”
He shifted. “Yes.” he breathed. “Fuck, I…I’d let it slip away when I thought that you…”
He didn’t say it, but I knew. When he had been in a murderous rage to get to me.
“What was it?” I asked. “The dream.”
He held me tighter. “It was this.”
“This?”
“Us holding each other like…like The Lovers .”
I tried to look up at him but couldn’t see his face. I felt a rumble in his chest like soft laughter.
“It was bright and warm and you…you were there, smiling at me, holding me in your arms. Your hair caught in the breeze, touching my face. Oh baby, it was so beautiful. “
I lay there shocked, unable to say a word.
“After the dream,” he said, “I imagined we were far away where no one could find us. Some paradise. We were so happy.”
I blinked, feeling my throat tighten. “The story,” I whispered.
“Yeah. We had a little ranch by the ocean. How cheesy is that?”
“Not at all.”
“The ocean…” he continued. “We’d go out sometimes…on the boat. And watch the storm pass far away.”
He was gripping me so tight. I saw it in my mind's eye too and my heart swelled.
Oh, how wonderful that could be.
He moved so quickly, loosening me from his grip. He looked energized all of the sudden, excited about something.
“It’s your birthday, sweetheart.” He grinned, then kissed my throat, nipping me playfully, making me yelp in surprise. He growled like a wild dog as he rubbed his face against my neck.
“Emery.” I laughed. “What the fuck.”
He laughed too, then sprang off the bed. He pulled on his inmate uniform, tying the sleeves around his waist, and started to turn away. I went to follow and he halted me.
“No. You stay. I make breakfast.” He smirked at me, eyes narrowed, as he saw the doubtful look on my face. “What? You don’t think I can? Baby, I’m not totally useless. I might be broken, but I ain’t useless.”
I tried to tell him I never said that but he was already out of the room, making for the kitchen.
I sighed and laid back. I thought of his dream and couldn’t help smiling.
Too bad it’ll never come true , came a voice at the back of my mind.
My smile faded at the realization. I stared at the ceiling which was starting to brighten from the slip of daylight beginning to creep between the cracks in the boarded window above me.
He was being hunted, and I was being searched for. That was a fact. And it was only a matter of time before I was found and he was caught. He would go back to prison, and I would…
I didn’t know what I would do. Carry on somehow because I had no choice. I started making up a story in my head too. One I didn’t much like.
Letters written in secret. Moving away. Isolation. Visiting every day under watchful eyes. Longing. Alone.
It was crazy to think that I suddenly didn’t want to be found.
Gradually, I slipped out of bed and went to the bathroom. Then, I snuck over to my cousin’s room to put on a fresh pair of clothes. Emery hardly noticed as he worked at the stove.
I went through my folded clothes thinking of what I wanted to wear. I could go comfy again since I didn’t expect to be going anywhere. I came upon the dress Emery had picked out and smiled. I touched the pink fabric. It was a simple but cute dress. I’d probably worn it once on a date.
Well, screw it. It was my birthday.
I put it on, smoothing it out. It hugged me nicely at the top while the skirt flowed around my thighs, showing off my legs. A strap went around the neck while the sleeves hung off my shoulders. I put my hair in a ponytail atop my head. I stared at myself in the mirror, my eyes drawing down to the necklace that I still wore. I smirked as my fingers fixed the heart, aligning it to the center. Dressing up lifted my mood and I almost had a skip in my step as I left the room.
Emery was distributing pancakes on two plates as I entered. He must have heard my steps because he said without looking, “Didn't grab syrup, so all we got is honey or jam for the pancakes.” He shook his head, frustrated with himself. “But I got eggs coming so maybe it’s not a total—s-shit.” He’d turned around and saw me, nearly dropping the plates.
I grinned, my face going hot as he froze and stared at me, his gaze falling down my dress. I twirled a little and saw a flicker of fire in his eyes.
“You like it?”
Carefully, he placed the plates on the table without looking away. He came around to me as if I were some mythical creature that had appeared before him, and any wrong move would make me slip away and disappear.
He lifted a hand to his ear as if to block out something I couldn’t hear. Or someone.
His hand at his ear clenched into a fist and fell.
“I thought it was your birthday, not mine,” he mumbled so softly I almost didn’t hear him.
Smiling, I passed by him, as a shiver ran down me from his eyes following me. I sat, then reached over and patted the seat next to me.
He came around again, first going over to turn off the stove so the eggs didn’t burn. Then he took a seat next to me. His eyes never faltered from me.
I saw his hands clenched into fists as he set them on his thighs. I picked up the honey, pretending not to notice his stillness and put a small amount on my pancakes, letting it soak through. I picked up my fork then bit my lip, glancing at him.
“Well, are you going to eat?” I laughed nervously.
He unclenched one fist to pick up his fork. He cut into his pancake and took a bite and I laughed quietly again, covering my mouth.
“Um, you want some of this with it?” I picked up the honey and shook it.
His eyes darkened as they shifted to the bottle, his lips thinning into a tight smile. He took the honey and distributed some of it on his plate.
We ate in silence for a moment, but I didn’t mind, enjoying the way he watched me. The way he hardly seemed to look down at his plate as he ate his food without a care. Only taking a few bites. It was like I was all he cared to see; not even food could satiate him.
“It’s really good,” I said.
He took a drink of water and set it down. “Is it?”
I picked at my food then said without looking up, “Will you tell me more about your story?”
He didn’t respond right away, but then he started, “There’s forest around us, keeping us hidden so no one can see. There’s a house with a garage and a barn behind it. We’ve got several cats that mostly stay outside only because they prefer it. A guard dog just in case. I got you a horse and pony. Some gray mare called Catherine and a black one called Heathcliff ’cause I thought you’d like that. That part of the story didn’t come till later.” He shifted in his seat. “A little piece of the ocean to ourselves less than a mile away where we have the boat. You can see it on the hill. Take the car or sometimes walk. There’s a campsite by the beach where we go, that’s where we huddle together. Maybe…maybe watch the kids play.”
My face heated up. I cleared my throat. “You’ve really thought this through.”
“Yeah.”
“Did that part not come till later too?”
“Yeah.”
I clenched the fork in my hand.
“Then we go out.” His voice turned into a whisper. “We go out dancing or something. And…then I take you back to the campsite, just us this time, the night surrounding us. Can hardly see the waves. And I…I rip the clothes right off you—just like this sexy little dress— and eat you out like a starving man.”
I leaned in, placing my elbows on the table. “Oh?”
He nodded. “And you're pleading with me to give you release but I won’t, ’cause I love hearing you beg. I fucking love it.”
I pursed my lips, not realizing I was pressing my thighs together. “I like this part of the story.”
His fork clattered on to his plate. Before I could even move, he was out of his chair and shifting mine around to face him, pulling me closer. He hitched the skirt of my dress up to my waist and pulled my legs apart. He bit my inner thigh, and I gasped. I took a hold of the sides of the chair, keeping my legs bent, a moan tearing up my throat as he ripped my panties to one side and buried his face between my thighs.
The heat of his mouth on me made my body tighten almost instantly. I arched, throwing my head back. He was deliberately pulling away every time I tried to bring my hips closer. I reached out to him in desperation, and he took hold of my wrists, pulling back to lift his head.
“What do you really want, Evee?”
Panting, I looked at him confused.
“If I could give it to you right now, what would you want? Be honest.”
I looked at his face, his scars paling just a little. What had his ghosts said to make him doubt?
But I wasn’t going to lie to him.
“I want to go outside.”
His eyes darkened. “You still want to be free of me?”
“No. I said I wanted to go outside.”
He studied me closely. “I want to trust you, Evee.”
“I know.”
He tilted his head, then turned it away, closing his eyes. “Tonight.”
“Tonight?”
He opened them and looked back at me. “I’ll let you outside tonight. So you can prove them wrong.”
Them. His ghosts. Prove to them—to him—that I wouldn’t run away.
“Okay?” he said, squeezing my wrists.
I nodded.
He brought my hands to his lips. “Okay.”
He went to lean in and finish what he started, then I stopped him with my knees to his chest.
“Savor it,” I said. “Till tonight.”
He groaned through his teeth. “I don’t think I can last that long.”
“Try. I like seeing you desperate for me too.”
“Dangerous game,” he whispered, shaking his head. “I can barely think straight as it is.”
“Then you’ll just have to occupy your mind till then.”
He smirked. “Alright.” He let go of my wrists. “I have an idea.” He placed his hands on either side of my chair, his face leaning in close to mine. “But you have to be good and stay here for a little while, okay?”
“What are you going to do?”
He crushed his mouth to mine, too desperate to resist at least that. I bit his bottom lip and he groaned. He pulled away, licking his lip. “That’s not fair, you little brat.”
I grinned at him.
“You’ll see,” he said. “First…we will see how tonight goes, yeah?”
I lifted my hand, letting my fingers trace his scars. “Fine. But only because I choose to trust you.”
He kissed my forehead, and I could tell it pained him not to take me right then like he wanted. In time, we would see how long it took.
Trust had to go both ways.